Don Sherwood - Pennsylvania-10
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/don_sherwood.jpg)
Randy Graf - Arizona-08
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The Republican National Committee has already given up on Randy Graf, a former golf pro, just because he is 20 points behind his opponent Gabrielle Giffords. His golfing experience has given him unique insight into the Constitution, which he views as a "rule book" just like the one for golf, only shorter. As a state legislator Graf fought hard for a much needed bill to allow people to carry concealed guns into bars, which would have reduced the epidemic of bar brawls in the state, or at least made them end more quickly. But Graf is running for Congress mainly to do something about the issue he most cares about: illegal immigration. A member of the patriotic Minutemen, his efforts to curtail illegal immigration of non-Europeans by militarizing the border won him the admiration of David Duke. Unfortunately, he won't be able to rely on the expertise of his former campaign manager, who was jailed for having sex with two underaged girls, a crime that Graf said was "no more serious than providing a teenager with a beer." As any grateful teenager can tell you, that's really not so bad at all.
Rick O'Donnell Colorado-07
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/rick_o%27donnell.jpg)
John Hostettler - Indiana-08
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John Hostettler is an impassioned supporter of Christian rights who once said on the floor of Congress, "Like a moth to a flame, Democrats can't help themselves when it comes to denigrating and demonizing Christians." Unfortunately, his words apparently violated some persnickety rules and he was forced to withdraw them 20 minutes later or face censure, but it's the thought that counts. Hostettler's faith informs everything he does: He co-authored a bill to allow churches to engage in political campaigns without losing their tax-free status; sponsored "the Public Expression of Religion Act," which forbids awarding attorney's fees to those who sue the government for violating the Establishment clause of the First Amendment; voted against Hurricane Katrina aid, presumably because it would have gone against God's intentions to destroy New Orleans by flood; and told a group of breast cancer survivors that abortion causes breast cancer, which some overly sensitive attendees took as an implication that they had had abortions. Unlike some congressman, Hostettler has only been arrested once, when he accidentally tried to take a loaded 9 mm Glock pistol on an airplane with him in 2004, which is something that could happen to anybody. I'm sure it happens to his opponent Sheriff Brad Ellsworth all the time.
(Update: The other Roger Ailes informs me that although the story about about Hostettler trying to rename Interstate-69 because it was too risqué appeared in the very reputable Hoosier Gazette, it was actually intended to be satire. I really think this kind of satire should not be permitted or at least should be clearly marked to avoid causing confusion and embarrassment. I hope that Rep. Hostettler will sponsor legislation to outlaw this sort of thing as soon as he is re-elected.)
Heather Wilson - New Mexico-01
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Curt Weldon - Pennsylvania-07
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Curt Weldon is perhaps the lone voice in Congress for conspiracy theorists and others who think outside the box or don't even believe there is a box at all no matter how many government commissions with their "experts" plot to make everybody think there is a box. Believing that "the jury is still out on WMD," he tried to organize his own personal mission to go to Iraq and find them until he was stopped by the State Department. Weldon, who was one of six lawmakers granted the honor of attending the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's "coronation," wrote a book detailing his shadowy correspondence with an Iranian dissident who claims that Iran is about to attack the United States. He also believes the government is covering up the fact that it had identified some of the terrorists responsible for the September 11 attacks before they happened. Although the National Journal wrote an article about him that begins with a quote from Gnarls Barkley's song "Crazy," it's likely that the National Journal is part of some vast conspiracy against him that includes the CIA, the NSA, the 9/11 Commission, the Trilateral Comission, Freemasons and his opponent, retired Vice Admiral Joe Sestak.
Peter Roskam - Illinois-06
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/peter_roskam.jpg)
Michele Bachmann - Minnesota-06
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/Bachman_Michelle.jpg)
Michele Bachmann sincerely wants to help homosexuals deal "with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life.…It's a very sad life. It's part of Satan." She believes that gay marriage is the "biggest issue in 30 years" because "the immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it." She also believes that "the number one issue for our country right now, how are we going to deal with this threat of radical Islam." And of public education, she says, "That's my number one issue." Her opponent Patty Wetterling doesn't even have a number one issue, as far as I know, while Bachmann has at least three!
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/foley.jpg)
Even though Mark Foley has resigned from Congress, he's still on the ballot. The Republican Party has said that if he wins they will substitute another candidate, but I don't necessarily believe that. I think if he gets enough votes, he can be persuaded to come back after he gets out of rehab. A vote for Mark Foley would be a repudiation of the Democrat smear campaign against him and the Republican leadership. Voting for his opponent, Tim Mahoney, would just encourage Democrats in their campaign of dirty tricks.
Tom Delay - Texas-22
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5499/1986/200/tom_delay.jpg)
Tom Delay is another member of Congress whose name is still on the ballot despite the fact that he resigned. The Republican Party is asking people to write in another candidate with a complicated hyphenated name that is very hard to spell. But I say why go through all that trouble when you can just pull a lever for Delay, who was one of the best congressmen ever. By the time the next session of Congress convenes it's possible that all the charges against him will have been dropped, and I'm sure he would jump at the chance to serve his constituents again. The Democrat candidate Nick Lampson just wants us to turn back the clock to a time when Congress didn't run so efficiently as it does today, thanks to the man known as "The Hammer."
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Jon Swift, Mark Foley, Democrat, Republican, Don Sherwood, Randy Graf, Rick O'Donnell, John Hostettler, Heather Wilson, Curt Weldon, Peter Roskam, Michele Bachmann, Tom Delay, Congress, Politics, War on Terror, Iraq, Gay, Homosexuality, Christianity, Immigration, Beltway Traffic Jam, Jon Kyl, Rick Renzi, J.D. Hayworth, John Doolittle, Richard Pombo, Brian Bilbray, Marilyn Musgrave, Doug Lamborn, Christopher Shays, Vernon Buchanan, Joe Negron, Clay Shaw, Bill Sali, Mark Kirk, Dennis Hastert, Chris Chocola, Mike Whalen, Jim Ryun, Anne Northup, Geoff Davis, Michael Steele, Gil Gutknecht, Jim Talent, Conrad Burns, Jon Porter, Charlie Bass, Mike Ferguson, Peter King, John Sweeney, Tom Reynolds, Randy Kuhl, Robin Hayes, Charles Taylor, Steve Chabot, Jean Schmidt, Deborah Pryce, Joy Padgett, Melissa Hart, Mike Fitzpatrick, Lincoln Chafee, Bob Corker, George Allen, Frank Wolf, Mike McGavick, Dave Reichert
Thanks, Jon! A great post like always. Nice to know that someone is keeping track of the Republicans that need our support the most.
ReplyDelete/gives me chills
my god, and I thought the like of John Reid and david blunkett were bad, sorry forthright and believed in the sanctity of marriage
ReplyDeleteIts as if the rules apply to them also, get a grip people...nothing here, move on. "Laws" are one thing, but "Family values",I mean come on Jon, they told me that WAS their platform. Give these poor senators a break, we can't run around mixing up laws and values,(throw in some firearms too) I mean what do you want from these people?
ReplyDeleteGreat job, Jon.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by your hypothesis that Mark Foley and Tom Delay can come back to Congress if they win their elections. What would be a better illustration of the fact that it's morning in America once more?
ReplyDeleteimpressive round-up. i can't wait to vote for such a bunch of great men who believe in keeping our moral values safe from the pernicious gays except unless we are underage.
ReplyDeleteI heart Jon Swift.
ReplyDeleteRepublicans with humanity? Confed. Where their hearts should be is a large dollar bill counter. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely bloody magnificent. Great stuff.
ReplyDeleteYOu may want to take a closer look at Bachmann...I'm not sure she's not into threesomes...with Our Lord, no less!
ReplyDeleteWhy can't I vote for all of these fine people? This is Democracy denied.
ReplyDeleteMr. Blogenfreude,
ReplyDeleteIf he loses, perhaps we can buy him a new puppy. Puppies always make me feel better. Nothing like a little man-dog bonding to perk you up!
How about Count Chocola?
ReplyDeleteYou have a new fan, I have bookmarked tour blog, thank you.
ReplyDeleteRandy Graf has a handy page that answers typical Dem smears, including one of the ones featured in this post:
ReplyDeletevotegraf.com/randygraf/rumors.php
It wasn't Graf that said the "no more serious" bit, it was what the former campaign manager told Graf.
And, in 2005 we caught 650 illegal aliens from "special interest countries", and an untold number got through, as discussed in a new House report: tinyurl.com/y9msjh (PDF file).
Read that PDF file, then decide whether you want to trust anything this site says.
The yahoos are still with us after three centuries. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteQuestion? Are you really a conservative are are you making fun of them? To me it seems that this blog really brings forth (in Colbert manner) the sheer stupidity of conservatives. Pray reveal yourself
ReplyDeleteDear agsharma,
ReplyDeleteIf you can find your way to the polls next week you will want to vote for the candidates with an (R) behind their name, that will be a straight Democratic ticket.
Jon, thanks for supporting these wonderful Christian men. Thank goodness American Christianity doesn't rely on morality.
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ReplyDeleteThat is great to hear, thank you for reading!
ReplyDeleteThat is great to hear, thank you for reading!
ReplyDeleteThat is great to hear, thank you for reading!
ReplyDelete