Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Secret Cabal That Threatens America

Republicans realize that America longs to return to more innocent times before we had to worry about terrorist attacks by Arabs and same-sex kissing by non-Arabs. The immigration bills were a valiant attempt to return to the '50s--more specifically, the 1850s when the America Party, more popularly known as the Know-Nothings, became enormously popular by running on an anti-immigrant platform. Unfortunately, despite predictions from many conservative pundits that this was a slam-dunk issue, these efforts appear to have backfired. People apparently just don't seem to hate immigrants the way they used to. So perhaps Republican leaders would do well to reach back even farther in our history to take care of a problem that may be much more insidious in the long run.

In the 1820s the Anti-Masonic Party alerted us to the threat of Freemasonry. Although the Anti-Masonic Party nearly destroyed Freemasonry during its heyday (in New York alone, there were 500 lodges when the party was established, but by the 1830s there were only 80), since that time there has been a resurgence in the membership of this secret society. That's why I think that the first order of business when Congress returns from its break should be a Constitutional Amendment outlawing Freemasonry.

Many people don't know about the danger posed by Freemasonry because it is so secretive. But that is about to change. On May 19 Hollywood is set to release a pro-Freemason, anti-Christian movie, The Da Vinci Code. Christian groups are already gearing up to publicize this movie with boycotts and protests that are sure to guarantee high ticket sales. Among the small but very sincere group of Americans who still read books, Dan Brown's novel has been the Number One best seller for several years. And his next book, The Solomon Key, will reportedly focus specifically on Freemasonry in America. Soon many Americans will be wondering what Congress is doing to protect us from the secret conspiracies in our midst.

According to Pat Robertson's book The New World Order, Freemasons, along with the Illuminati, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the United Nations, homosexuals and international bankers, are conspiring with the devil to set up a World Government. Robertson claims that their sinister plan is all laid out in John Lennon's song "Imagine." Apparently, Freemasons were also behind the Kennedy Assassination and the murder of John Paul I, both of whom did nothing to deserve being assassinated, unlike Venezuela President Hugo Chavez.

Going after Freemasons would also provide the President with the psychological break he needs to finally get out of the old man's shadow, especially since Iraq hasn't quite accomplished that goal yet. It turns out that his own father is a Freemason (as was Pat Robertson's father). Having his father arrested for carrying out the bidding of Lucifer would be an excellent way for Bush to prove once and for all that he is his own man.

Hispanics and gay people aren't nearly as scary as a secret cabal in league with Satan. A War on Freemasons would certainly fire up the Republican base, as well as bringing new blood into the Republican Party. So I think it might be a good idea for the Republicans in Congress to set aside their immigration bills and anti-gay marriage Constitutional Amendments, for the time being at least, and get to work on routing out the menace of Freemasonry before it's too late.

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11 comments:

Monterey John said...

Satire, right? Sheeesh!

The Truffle said...

How can you mention secret cabals and not include the Bilderberg Group? Get with it, dude!

Ginny said...

Sir,

This does not bode well for my brother-in-law Frank, who plays the bass drum in his Shriners' marching unit. As he has no sense of rhythm, they're always out of step.

I support the right of (middle aged and downright elderly) people to wear funny hats and raise money for hospitals, even if they do it in secret. I would not want my brother-in-law chucked in prison for being a cabalist.

Tubulcain420 said...

great stuff...........
you better do some research into the Jesuits role in all this....
The pres is from bohemian grove, skull & bones(which is more satanic than masonry(if masonry even is)).
The jesuits and rome have had more of a negative influence/sway over society than The American Freemasons. Today's freemasons are nobody's in the influence realm. In yester years , yes, today no, the men in masonry are a bunch of hilbbillies who are really closet christians. The higher degrees are plush with christianity bro. Take it from me, a 32nd/shriner/templar
blah blah blah....Really read into what the jesuits have done over the years and you'll get a better understanding of the "influences" over society. Remember, all these southern immigrants are probably catholic. Who spread religion to south and central america?
The fact that you believ congress could give a crap about "masonry" and their influences. Most of the people in washington probably have a family membeer in the fraternity and feel logically inclined to disbelieve some group that uncle frank, the plumber, belongs to.

donna said...

There is no Internet cabal....

Masonic Traveler said...

I love the name first off, Jon Swift, a la Gulliver's Travels? The funny thing here is that it’s believed that he’s a Freemason, which makes this post and poster even funnier.

Secret Cabals and the New World Order. The irony here is that Freemasonry can’t even decided who’s a Freemason or not, and so much disorganization surly can’t lead to taking over the world. And the sad thing here is that most of the membership is of voting age Republican stock anyway, so the Bush administration would be just digging the hole deeper for itself.

And as for secrets, I’m no James Bond, and most of the secrets of Freemasonry are pretty widely distributed. Quite sad really, but there still resonates a few little secrets, but more like how to use the not so secret stuff than really being a secret per say.

All in all coming from “Jon Swift” this was pretty funny. Thanks for the invite to read it.

Anonymous said...

masonic traver,

you must be one of those UGLA-type of mason.

Anonymous said...

The Da Vinci Code's basis is just as fake and based in good old fashioned paraniod conspiracy theory as is those wack jobs that claim that the holocaust was a fabrication. So yeah, anyone who actually believes that this shit is for real is also as bigoted and crazy as an anti-semite. Difference: I know a lot of Christians that read the book and saw it for what it was...a work of FICTION. Which would explain the high sales, because it wasn't all Jews and athiests reading it - they're such a small percentage of the US anyways, it just wouldn't add up. At least we're tolerant of ideas, (we just oppose the imposition of said ideas as FACT) ...unlike some other groups who attack the idea of a movie that depicts the actual historically-based reality of Jesus. Let's not be hypocrites, people. If you're against religious intolerance, you need to be against intolerance of all religions, not just your own.

wolfshead98040 said...

whoever wrote this needs help.

wolfshead98040 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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