The Secret Cabal That Threatens America

Republicans realize that America longs to return to more innocent times before we had to worry about terrorist attacks by Arabs and same-sex kissing by non-Arabs. The immigration bills were a valiant attempt to return to the '50s--more specifically, the 1850s when the America Party, more popularly known as the Know-Nothings, became enormously popular by running on an anti-immigrant platform. Unfortunately, despite predictions from many conservative pundits that this was a slam-dunk issue, these efforts appear to have backfired. People apparently just don't seem to hate immigrants the way they used to. So perhaps Republican leaders would do well to reach back even farther in our history to take care of a problem that may be much more insidious in the long run.

In the 1820s the Anti-Masonic Party alerted us to the threat of Freemasonry. Although the Anti-Masonic Party nearly destroyed Freemasonry during its heyday (in New York alone, there were 500 lodges when the party was established, but by the 1830s there were only 80), since that time there has been a resurgence in the membership of this secret society. That's why I think that the first order of business when Congress returns from its break should be a Constitutional Amendment outlawing Freemasonry.

Many people don't know about the danger posed by Freemasonry because it is so secretive. But that is about to change. On May 19 Hollywood is set to release a pro-Freemason, anti-Christian movie, The Da Vinci Code. Christian groups are already gearing up to publicize this movie with boycotts and protests that are sure to guarantee high ticket sales. Among the small but very sincere group of Americans who still read books, Dan Brown's novel has been the Number One best seller for several years. And his next book, The Solomon Key, will reportedly focus specifically on Freemasonry in America. Soon many Americans will be wondering what Congress is doing to protect us from the secret conspiracies in our midst.

According to Pat Robertson's book The New World Order, Freemasons, along with the Illuminati, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the United Nations, homosexuals and international bankers, are conspiring with the devil to set up a World Government. Robertson claims that their sinister plan is all laid out in John Lennon's song "Imagine." Apparently, Freemasons were also behind the Kennedy Assassination and the murder of John Paul I, both of whom did nothing to deserve being assassinated, unlike Venezuela President Hugo Chavez.

Going after Freemasons would also provide the President with the psychological break he needs to finally get out of the old man's shadow, especially since Iraq hasn't quite accomplished that goal yet. It turns out that his own father is a Freemason (as was Pat Robertson's father). Having his father arrested for carrying out the bidding of Lucifer would be an excellent way for Bush to prove once and for all that he is his own man.

Hispanics and gay people aren't nearly as scary as a secret cabal in league with Satan. A War on Freemasons would certainly fire up the Republican base, as well as bringing new blood into the Republican Party. So I think it might be a good idea for the Republicans in Congress to set aside their immigration bills and anti-gay marriage Constitutional Amendments, for the time being at least, and get to work on routing out the menace of Freemasonry before it's too late.

Jon Swift, Iraq, Immigration, Bush, Terrorism, Freemasonry, Freemasons, Dan Brown, Da Vinci Code, Pat Robertson, New World Order, John Lennon, Christianity, Gay, Republican, Politics, Foreign Policy