Friday, November 10, 2006

No Holding Back

The liberal media seems to think conservatives should be unhappy with the election results but that just shows how out of touch they are. When Republicans had both houses of Congress it was actually quite a burden. With great power comes a great sense of responsibility. Many conservatives have felt that we had to restrain ourselves in order to not risk alienating voters. But now the gloves can come off and for the first time in 12 years we don't have to hold back any longer. We can tell you what we really think and we are ecstatic about our newfound freedom. Around America you can almost hear conservatives singing, "Oh Happy Day!"

"I feel liberated and I'm going to tell you as plainly as I can why," said Rush Limbaugh. "I no longer am going to have to carry the water for people who I don't think deserve having their water carried." While Limbaugh was very helpful to many Republican candidates who probably didn't deserve his help, such as Jim Talent, I'm sure it's a big relief to him that now he can finally tell the whole truth instead of just half of the truth.

The folks at RedState welcomed Limbaugh's remarks. I know that one of the problems I have always had with RedState was this feeling that they were holding something back and it will be refreshing to see them stop censoring themselves so much. "A lot of people got bent out of shape by his candor, but we agree with him 100%, and deep down we think most of you do too," the "Directors" of RedState wrote of Limbaugh's statement. "For the past several months, RedState has been critical of the GOP with a gentle prodding and we have been muted when we wanted to avoid shooting the party's electoral chances in the foot." Republicans better start wearing Kevlar shoes now that RedState has tossed away its gentle prods like a faith healer's accomplice throwing away his cane.

Hugh Hewitt also feels like a new man. "It is a wonderful day for new media, especially talk radio," he said the day after the election. "For two years we have had to defend the Congressional gang that couldn't shoot straight. Now we get to play offense." I personally can't wait to hear what Hewitt sounds like when he's being offensive. Can you?

It wasn't only a desire to protect Republican candidates that led many conservatives to hold their deepest, darkest thoughts close to the vest but also, I think, worry that some in the liberal media might take their quotes out of context and depict them as paranoid or even crazy. But like a good stiff drink, the election seems to have obliterated those inhibitions. At Little Green Footballs, commenters, who for years have been laboring under the strain of "saving the world" from Muslims, who are all going to kill us, finally felt free to let lose with their worst fear, which is that many Americans want us dead, too. "Chaos!" cried zombie as election results poured in. "This is a disgusting display of American voter ignorance," said Lousy-ana-Texan. "I think this demonstrates pretty clearly that voting should be a privilege, NOT a right," wrote Tairos. "The GOP leadership needs to be hung! 'Figuratively,'" exclaimed Stuck in California. "Congratulations to the Democrats and the terrorists who endorsed them," Ferris offered. Adrenalyn warned, "expect the next attack. this will be a big one with many casualties. only good news from it is President Pelosi will have to deal with a whole order of magnitude more casualties than Katrina" and, also looking on the bright side, Apu Pibat said, "Well, America will get what it has coming" including, "more terrorist attacks. If I'm an al-Qaeda operative I'm turning cartwheels right now."

Yet even unfettered, conservatives are still not stooping to the levels Democrats reached after the 2004 election. "I'm quite sure that we're not seeing conservatives call the nation 'stupid' and 'retarded' and threatening to move to Canada like the Dems did in the last election. Funny how that works, isn't it?" said The Anchoress from her cloister in an undisclosed location. As an example of conservative high-mindedness she linked to a post by Sigmund, Carl and Alfred that compares liberals to suicide bombers in the Middle East. "The hard left Democrats aren't much different than the Islamic extremists," SC&A writes. "This is not an extreme remark -- rather, it is a reflection of the truth, unobscured. The idea of foisting ideologies on others in a free society is a new phenomena, one that finds it's roots in repressive religious extremism." The idea of religious extremists foisting their ideology on America certainly has me worried, but perhaps most distressing of all, you can't even politely explain to liberals why they are just like terrorists, say SC&A: "Attempt to engage many on the left in debate and conversation or attempt to question their beliefs, ideologies or institutions and you'll be met with some of the most vile and vicious rhetoric of the day."

In stark contrast to this "vile and vicious rhetoric" Dan Riehl provides the kind of reasoned commentary that the conservative blogosphere is renowned for. Before the election Dan seemed to be a little on the defensive. When he was accused of being homophobic by John Cole, instead of laughing off such a ridiculous charge, he actually took offense. Riehl retaliated by calling Cole a c---s----- and even resorted to outing his own brother to prove that he couldn't possibly be homophobic. "He died alone, probably of aids for all I know and probably in a San Francisco flop house living on the government's dime. I say probably because it was the last address I ever had for him from letters exchanged, not having seen the boy/man since I was about 15," wrote Riehl, who apparently had some pretty pressing engagements that prevented him from seeing his brother before he died but that doesn't mean he didn't love his dead gay brother even though he sometimes kids the gays.

But Dan is defensive no more. Seeing him finally able to speak his mind is truly a sight to behold. In a post titled "Behead A Liberal For Thanksgiving," he writes, "It seems to me it makes perfect sense. While Liberals detest conservatives, call them names, etc. - I don't think they've ever met a group of ruthless savages they didn't want to appease." In a post about the arrest of a Senator's son he writes, "When the political headlines involve drunkenness, passed out women, assault and an arrest ... somehow you just know the Democrats are back in control." And now no longer needing to defend Lincoln Chafee just because he was a Republican, he can finally throw him overboard: "With Chafee, I always had the sense Catholic Schoolgirl was his uniform of choice -- for wearing, not chasing."

With all of these conservatives finally letting their hair down, Ann Coulter seems almost like an elder statesman by comparison. Democrats, she said in her post-election wrap-up, have "only two years to release as many terrorists as possible and lock up as many Republicans as they can." Hopefully, Coulter won't be one of the Republicans who gets locked up, although that is looking increasingly unlikely.

But even if Coulter ends up spending the next few years behind bars, her inspiration will live on as conservatives no longer feel the need to stay to her left. All around the blogosphere you can almost feel the excitement as conservatives let out a collective YAWP! "Because of your lazy backside, the advance of the moral sewer is coming closer to each of our homes -- and for the 60% of you who didn't vote -- we owe it all to you!" exclaims Town Hall's Kevin McCullough. Ace of Spades finally had the chance to say something he's been wanting to off his chest for years: "You know who really sucks?" he wrote. "THE MOUNTAIN STATE VOTERS, who keep voting in one fucking Democrat after another despite being some of the reddest states in the world." And Michelle Malkin can't wait for impeachment hearings to begin even though Nancy Pelosi says it is off the table: "The groundwork is being laid," Malkin says ominously. "Former Brooklyn Rep. Liz Holtzman is hawking a book outlining how to impeach President Bush. Now, she is taking to the airwaves and to the road to muster up moonbat support for an impeachment drive." Sure, attacking illegal immigrants has its charms, but how much fun is it to say mean things about people who can't even read English? Impeachment, on the other hand, sure will be grand!

Like these conservatives I'm almost beside myself with anticipation of what the next two years will bring. I'm thinking about all the people I can attack now without having to worry anymore about political correctness or how it will be perceived by the mainstream media. After so long in the political wilderness of near absolute power, I barely know who to go after first now that I am free and nearly powerless. What a great feeling to be accountable to no one and to be able to say whatever I think for a change. I think we should lose more elections!

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14 comments:

Terry Hull said...

That's the spirit, Jon. Keep your chin up and don't let Tuesday's reversals get you down. As long as there are lucid articulate pundits such as you and Rush and Hugh and Michelle, then the terrorists still haven't won -- no matter how successful they were at the ballot box on Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to a new wave of honesty on this blog. Let her rip, Jon.

mjaroneski said...

Mr Swift, your review of our revered conservative commentators is much more pleasing than perusing the commentators themselves. As one of those avowed terrorist lovers, I have to say I can't wait until all of our women are wearing Kaftans.

harrogate said...

What might really interest you, Mr. Swift, is an article Harrogate just encountered from Townhall, perhaps the most brilliant piece of political observation ever penned, by the indomitable Rusty Shackleford.

"Shack," as Harrogate affectionately calls this man, once wisely noted that homeless people are where they are by choice. Now he has discovered that Jon Stewart is the reason Democrats won. It's about time someone figured this out! Harrogate had been petitioning Bush to have Stewart arrested ever since 2004, but Bush is just too liberal for his own good, sometimes.

mikeynaked said...

As an avid Republican, I had always voted Republican.

Now I know better. Thanks, Jon!

Anonymous said...

"The GOP leadership needs to be hung!"

I want them hanged.

Though after Mark Foley it seems quite a few in the GOP did want them hung.

Anonymous said...

SC&A! Lol... before they go after that splinter in the dem's collective eye, they should work on the forrest in theirs.

Tengrain said...

I did not realize Rush had a problem holding his water or anyone else's for that matter.

Thanks Jon for bringing this to my attention.

Regards,

Tengrain

Anonymous said...

I think you should be more responsible, sir. I resent being slain with laughter. Be more careful where you point that satire!

Damon said...

Even though we Republicans can speak freely, we shouldn't rejoice about it, as Limbaugh has done. Rejoicing about this election is what our enemies like Iran and Al Qaida would do, have done, and will do in the future. From here on out rejoicing shall be limited as a subversive activity.

WomanHonorThyself said...

thanks Jon for such an indepth analysis!..and thank u for the link too!..we do have 2 more years to re group eh?..:)

Jae said...

There is so much freedom in losing. I'll bet Deomcrats get jealous and break free in 2008!

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