United States Embassy
Dear Mr. Fox:
First of all, I just want to congratulate you for your performance at the Senate Hearings on your nomination to be ambassador to Belgium (I'm just sending this straight to the embassy because I can't imagine Democrats would have the guts to vote against you). It sure was bum luck that you had to endure questioning from John Kerry about the $50,000 you gave to the brave Swift Boat Veterans for Truth to run attack ads against him during the 2004 presidential election. It's sad that Sen. Kerry can't just let bygones be bygones. I mean, the election was two years ago. Some Vietnam veterans can't seem to let go of the past, I guess.
I think you played it very well when you told Sen. Kerry that you agree with him that 527s are just terrible and something really ought to be done about them. I do think you laid it on a bit thick when you called Sen. Kerry a "hero" (have a little pride, it's just the ambassadorship to Belgium, after all) and I must say I thought Sen. Kerry had you when he then asked why you gave $50,000 to a 527 group if you think they are so bad. But you got right back in the game when you told him that you give money to so many people that you can't even remember who asked you to give money to the Swift Boat Veterans. I think you probably should have made it absolutely clear that it was certainly not Karl Rove who asked you for the money because we know that President Bush's campaign had nothing whatsoever to do with the Swift Boat ads and that they were powerless to stop them. But in the heat of questioning it's understandable that you forgot to make that point.
I also think you made a good point about being practically forced to give money to the Swift Boat Veterans because the other side was giving money to their 527s. Sen. Kerry's protest about two wrongs not making a right was pretty lame. We all know that unilateral disarmament doesn't make any more sense in politics than it does in the nuclear arms race. Just as Mutually Assured Destruction is the basis of our foreign policy, our political system is built on Mutually Assured Personal Destruction, except in the case of politics, each side actually does fire every weapon they have, which may be why most of our politicians come out of elections looking like post-atomic zombies. But, of course, that isn't your fault. You just pay for the weapons; you don't fire them. And you seemed very pained when you practically begged Congress to pass a law to stop you before you give away $50,000 to a 527 again.
Anyway, the reason I am writing is because there was something you said that got me to thinking. When Kerry asked you why you gave the Swift Boat Veterans $50,000, you said, "I gave away $50,000 because I was asked to." Frankly, I had no idea it was so easy to get you to part with $50,000. I didn't realize that all anyone had to do was ask.
So, I'm asking.
Although I do make a pretty nice living from the Google Ads on my blog and my wife's three jobs, every little bit helps and I'm sure I could find some uses for $50,000. Generally, I am opposed to the wealthy giving away the money that God gave them, and I would hate for anyone to think that my opinions could be bought. But I have come to the reluctant conclusion that because so many other conservatives are taking money from millionaires I am forced to do the same thing. You have convinced me that no one can afford to be unilaterally moral in this day and age.
Of course, Mr. Fox, you will not in any way be responsible for anything I write, although I'm sure you would be pleased since my moniker "Jon Swift" is, after all, a tribute to the Swift Boat Veterans you so generously funded. Since you apparently missed all of the newspaper articles about the Swift Boat ads and so are not responsible for anything they said, I guess it's even more doubtful you will ever read my blog. I'm sure that eventually you'll even forget that you even gave me the money since it's just a drop in the bucket for you. Unfortunately, I won't be able to get you an ambassadorship for your donation, but you already have one of those anyway.
In case you are wondering what I am going to do with the money (not that you were going to ask since you apparently never asked the Swift Boat Veterans), I probably won't use any of the money you give me to do more research on my attacks on our enemies since it really doesn't matter that much if they are actually true or not. In fact, I'm not really sure what I'll do with the money, but I do plan to call up Dinesh D'Souza and ask him where he got that leopard-print carpet since I think it will be important to my image as a conservative pundit.
Please contact me as soon as possible to transfer the $50,000 into my offshore account. And thank you very much for your generosity. You are a true patriot.
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Jon Swift, Sam Fox, Swift Boat Veterans, John Kerry, Bush, Dinesh D'Souza, Conservatives, Pundits, Politics
Wednesday, February 28, 2007