Thursday, November 15, 2007

Please Don't Kill David Broder

There are many reasons not to elect Hillary Clinton President besides the fact that her election could result in the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it. There is also a very important humanitarian consideration. Electing Hillary Clinton President could kill David Broder.

Washington Post columnist David Broder is 78 years old and I just don't think he could survive Hillary's being elected President. Broder hates the Clintons with a passion; in fact, it's the only thing he does do with a passion. "He came in here and he trashed the place and it's not his place," Broder once said of the way Bill Clinton treated Washington, which Broder bought years ago when real estate was cheap. But he was younger then and it didn't matter so much if he got himself all worked up and raised his blood pressure. Now it could be fatal.

Today, Broder wrote yet another column about the marriage of Bill and Hillary Clinton, less than a week after he promised that he wouldn't in an online chat. "Will you and the media ever apply as much scrutiny to the Giuliani marriages as you have done to the single Clinton marriage?" someone had asked him during the chat and he replied, "I plan to leave both subjects alone." I know that old people can sometimes be a little forgetful so it's possible that he didn't remember saying that. But I think it's also possible that he just can't help it. I think for days he tried to resist discussing the Clintons' marriage in disparaging terms but in the end his hatred of them was too strong. Now, I'm very worried that Broder won't be able to make it through four years of yelling at Hillary to get off his lawn without hurting himself.

David Broder, the "dean of American journalism," built his reputation on his ability to be dispassionate and not take sides on issues or have any strong opinions at all. People in Washington think of him as a dependable old jalopy that is always in neutral. Even when President Kennedy was assassinated he didn't let emotion sway him, as he once explained once to a group of Chinese students: "On November 22, 1963, I was one of the journalists following President Kennedy's motorcade. You know what happened later -- the President was assassinated and I was right on the spot. As an ordinary man, I wanted leave the scene, hide somewhere, and weep. But I managed to calm myself and to report the event in the most objective way." While other reporters lost their heads, Broder refused to take sides after the President was killed. Was he for the assassination or against it? It was impossible to tell from his reporting. No matter what his personal feelings might have been, as a reporter he had to be objective when it came to the issue of whether killing Kennedy was a good thing or a bad thing.

But like Spock in the midst of Pon farr, every seven years or so Broder loses control over his emotions and his seething hatred for the Clintons resurfaces. Many pundits in Washington are afraid of what Clinton's candidacy might do to his carefully cultivated reputation for honesty and even-handedness. They are attempting to derail Clinton's campaign not so much because they think she would make a terrible President, but because they are so terribly worried about David Broder's health. They will stop at nothing to keep Hillary from being President in order to protect their friend from bursting a blood vessel. Every time Maureen Dowd, for example, writes an embarrassing column about Hillary, it is really just a desperate attempt to save David Broder from himself.

So if you are thinking of voting for Hillary, please take a moment and consider what you are doing. You are not just making America vulnerable to terrorists, immigrants and socialized medicine, you are killing David Broder. Every vote for Hillary is like a vote to disconnect David Broder from life support.

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25 comments:

darrelplant said...

It's possible that Broder believes the adage "Nobody knows what you say on the Internets."

Then again there's this from Us & Them: How the Press Covered the 1972 Election by James M. Perry:

It was just as bad as we anticipated--McGovern took the District of Columbia and Massachusetts--and David Broder, our most famous political writer, tried to analyze what had happened.
"What Goldwater and McGovern had in common--and what defeated both, so resoundingly--was that in the course of their campaigns, the voters came to the same conclusion that political and journalistic Washington had previously reached: that they were lightweights in the heavyweight division of presidential politics. They were men of good heart and good spirit, open and honorable, whose failing was their tendency to see public questions in one-dimensional, almost simplistic terms."

McGovern read the column and sat down to write Broder a letter in longhand.

"Bullshit," he said.

Mo MoDo said...

I'm a WaPo subscriber and regular reader of Broder, but his Clinton Hatred had escaped me. It seems like he makes Maureen Dowd sound like James Carville. I will have to pay closer attention.

Carl said...

So if we vote for Hillary, we kill a Broder, but if we vote for Giuliani, we kill a kitten.

Oh dear lord, please, Mr Swift, tell me what I should do next year!!!!!

Olly Onions said...

Has anyone got a good word for Hill?:
http://ollysonions.blogspot.com/2007/11/swift-boat-veterans-attack-hillarys.html

Baldie McEagle said...

Jon, you are a typical Republican liar. Even a hate-filled liberal can see the contradictions in your post.

First, you claim that Broder lost his cool today. Then, you say he loses his cool every seven years. Yet you complain that Broder may not live through 4 years of Hillary. Some facts for you:

(1) It's been 44 years since Kennedy was shot. Is that divisible by 7? No, it is not.

(2) If Hillary is in for 4 years, Broder is safe ... because four is less than seven. So the real concern here should be 2 terms of Hillary ... if you really cared about David Broder.

Forgive my liberal rage, but this is the reason Republicans are losing their grip on power. They cannot do arithmetic.

Walk away in shame, Jon. The liberals have bested you again! (Hope this helps your street creds in conservativeland.)

Anonymous said...

On the other hand, Hillary might be the only thing that's keeping his heart pumping.

You take away a man's jones at your own risk.

It may also be that this is the way he wants to go; on his feet, spewing flecks of foam and spittle.

I say, if the mule wants to die in the harness, let him. In fact, whip him (up) harder!

liquiddaddy said...

Jon,

Are you kidding? Her election would slay thousands, maybe more, for similar reasons.

LD

Daryl Cobranchi said...

Every vote for Hillary is like a vote to disconnect David Broder from life support.

Vote early and vote often.

WomanHonorThyself said...

There are many reasons not to elect Hillary Clinton President besides the fact that her election could result in the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it. ..........amen..what can I possibly add to your eloquence my friend!..imagine me in NYC with Hill and the gang..ugh!

kathleenmaher said...

So you're saying David Broder's got a chance at immortality so long as Hillary doesn't win? And his immortality, which may have no relation to western civilization as we know it, is somehow more important than western civilization as we know it?
Well, I say whatever to Broder's health. And I am so ready to learn a whole new kind of western civilization that you've convinced me: Hillary 2008!

sfHeath said...

Isn't it obvious that by the comment "I plan to leave both subjects alone," Mr. Broder was referring to both of Mr. Giuliani's three marriages? It clearly goes without saying that he couldn't leave the Clintons alone, so he mustn't have said that.

Didn't everyone else get that?

Kevin Hayden said...

David Broder lives??!!!

I thought he was just a gargoyle invented by Stephen King to mock the spot where Drew Pearson and Jack Anderson once actually lived.

Carl said...

Kev,

David Broder is our secret conservative weapon: a man of moderate mien who speaks with a poisoned forked tongue.

Works like a charm, but the price is a sacrificed virgin from a Mexican village that could otherwise be making our sneakers.

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Batocchio said...

But like Spock in the midst of Pon farr, every seven years or so Broder loses control over his emotions and his seething hatred for the Clintons resurfaces.

My favorite line.

Mike said...

Another glorious post, sir.

QuakerJono said...

This is all so much obfuscation. David Broder died years ago and, since that time, his articles have been written by the same ghost writer who churns out V.C. Andrews books about trashy teen-age girls sleeping with their male relatives in attics and trailer parks.

Admittedly, given Broder's opinions, he is the right man for the job.

Micgar said...

I am against violence but I am afraid we will have to put him down. He is ill and his quality of writing has gone way way down.
At least he won't be suffering anymore.

Grace Nearing said...

If Broder drooled out of only one side of his mouth (a la Chris Matthews), I might consider sparing him; however, since he drools out of both sides of his mouth, a vote for Sen. Clinton is in order. It's the humane thing to do.

Also, I think the Press Guild should consider instituting a no-drool requirement for membership.

Palm Springs Savant said...

well said....I knew I liked reading your blog!!!

DavidEhrenstein said...

Has anyone seen David Broder and Mauren Dowd in the same room togehter?

I sincerely believe that they are but one shape-shifting media whore.

purvis ames said...

I can't believe that an old fogie like Broder still has... how shall I say it?... a THING for Ms. Piano Legs. Lust does indeed spring eternal.

Murphy Klasing said...

I think the other side of her sign says, "But we really like it"

Johnny Pez said...

I still prefer Dodd, but it's hard to argue with your logic.

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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