Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bobby Jindal: America's Slumdog Millionaire

After President Obama's doom and gloom speech last night, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's response was as inspiring as the feel-good movie of the year, Slumdog Millionaire, about a plucky Indian who is poor but happy and doesn't need some government program to give him a million dollars. All he has to do is answer a few questions that uncannily parallel his life on the quiz show Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? While President Obama and the Democrats are telling people that they will just help them keep their heads above water, Republicans want to give everyone a shot at the big prize. Who wants to be a millionaire? We all do.

Gov. Jindal's stories of self-reliance were inspiring. Like Michelle Malkin, who is a big fan of his, he is an anchor baby whose parents arrived here from India to exploit our lax immigration laws but nevertheless proved that people who are different races can be successful if they make an effort to fit in and act like real Americans. Instead of acting angry and entitled like some minorities do, Gov. Jindal was so happy and optimistic I thought he was about to bounce up and down like Tigger the way Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle did when he won the Oscar. Gov. Jindal is America's real-life slumdog millionaire.

But what really inspired me was the story he told about how people in leaky little boats tried to save the citizens of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina even though government bureaucrats tried to stop them. If the government had stayed out of New Orleans entirely and encouraged more people to use their boats or to make their own boats out of things around the house, more people would probably be alive today. And instead of waiting for inefficient government workers to fix the levies, ordinary New Orleans citizens could have patched them up using bubble gum and duct tape and good old American know-how.

Instead of relying on the government to build magical magnetic levitation trains, the people of Las Vegas should be encouraged to bring some tools from their garages and build the train themselves, the way the Amish do. And while it's true that the magical levitation part might prove to be technologically difficult for the average Las Vegas citizen, if they all put their minds together and pray, I bet they would be able to levitate the trains. The power of prayer worked for Gov. Jindal when he and a few friends exorcised some demons and cured a woman of cancer back when he was in college so it could probably work for trains, too. And praying may also be the answer to our health care crisis.

And instead of having bureaucrats build roads and bridges why not let people build their own roads and bridges? With all of the companies laying off people and outsourcing jobs to Gov. Jindal's native country, there are plenty of people with time on their hands looking for something to do during the day. It would give people a sense of accomplishment and distract them from worrying about how they will pay the mortgage or pay for health care for their children.

Gov. Jindal also criticized money that is being spent under the stimulus plan to watch volcanoes. Why would you need to pay people to watch a volcano? Isn't it pretty obvious when a volcano erupts? I don't think I need a government bureaucrat to tell me that lava is pouring out of a volcano and that I should probably get out of there as soon as possible. If some people don't get the message, then citizens with lava-proof boats can rescue them – if government bureaucrats just stay out of their way.

President Obama also proposed that we should spend even more money on education. But instead of wasting all of that money, we should be encouraging more home schooling, which is a lot easier now that we have Wikipedia. And instead of sending their kids to expensive colleges, parents could be encouraged to home college their kids, too. Many college-age kids are still living at home anyway because they can't afford to move out so home colleging would give them something to do besides playing video games all day. And besides as the hero of Slumdog Millionaire showed us, you don't necessarily have to be educated to look smart.

Finally, the best part of Gov. Jindal's speech was when he talked about tax cuts. Cutting taxes for 95% of Americans as Pres. Obama promises is extremely unfair to the 5% of Americans who work hard, too, but already pay a lot more taxes than everyone else does despite all of their efforts to shield their assets in offshore accounts. Somebody needs to represent the 5% minority of people who are discriminated against by Obama's tax plan. Gov. Jindal and the new Republican leader Michael Steele understand what it's like to be minorities so it is no surprise that they are willing to stand up for the minority of people who make more than $250,000 a year like bank executives who are often the victims of bigotry in the liberal media. Most Americans want our millionaires to do well because someday we may win the lottery or appear on a quiz show and become millionaires ourselves.

Although I have been pretty down ever since Obama became president and the stock market plunged, Gov. Jindal's quiz show optimism is infectious and I'm glad he's the Republican Party's final answer to our electoral woes. I'm so inspired I think I'm going to start building a boat.

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Fearguth said...

Yes, Noah, and when you finish your boat, don't forget me.

Sarah Palin said...

I could not have been happier with his response to President Obama. I think Bobby should always do the Republican reply to Barack Obama's State of the Union Speech. It made me very happy. You betcha.

boukman70 said...

Jon, you are brilliant! Welcome back, I was worried about ya.

J. said...

Great post, Mr. Swift.

Ash Wednesday just took on new meaning, thanks to Jindahl, who helped to further reduce the GOP to ashes.

Am hoping more Americans will repent and give up on the same old politics for Lent.

ZenYenta said...

So do you think that his intellect and communication skills are more impressive than Sarah Palin's? I just can't decide which one I prefer.

Michael Bérubé said...

Jindal, Palin, Wurzelbacher, Santelli -- it's an embarrassment of riches. It's like having Brady, Marino, Montana and Elway all on the same team!

I'm with you, Jon. Our party's future is so bright we might need to wear shades.

The BoBo said...

Personally, I thought it was a great response. His is a better alternative to the welfare, nanny-state, socialist policies of Obama wanting to enslave the people to the government.

I thought liberals were all about personal freedom? If so, why do you so want the government to give you everything in exchange for your freedom?

Comrade Physioprof said...

I'm so inspired I think I'm going to start building a boat.

Me, too! Mine's gonna be lava-proof!

I think it is very important for each of us to take personal responsibility for geothermal tectonic activity! Eleventeen fucktillion gigajoules of magmatic energy is no match for the home-spun down-to-earth common-sense ingenuity of real hard-working Americans!

Clark said...

Well I, for one, am going to get to work and build my own nuclear power plant in my back yard. Power to the people!

Anonymous said...

Easy on the strawmen, Bobo. We need to conserve straw for the building of huts at the feet of volcanoes.

Madam Miaow said...

I'm so inspired I am going to dig a big hole and bury myself in it to save time and avoid bothering the government.

Utah Savage said...

I thought Rachel Maddow's comment was the best of the evening--Jindal's speech left her, "slack jawed and babbling like a Benedrilled infant."

My word varification word is gundel. Do you think Jindel is after me with a gun?

I think Jindel and Palin should arm wrestle for top of the ticket. I'd bet on Sarah.

Carl said...

Slumdog Governor is the Jimmy Wang Yang of politics!

Carl said...

I thought liberals were all about personal freedom? If so, why do you so want the government to give you everything in exchange for your freedom?



Dave S. said...

I'm surprised at you, Mr. Swift. Reasonable conservative home-schoolers would use the much more reliable Conservapedia.

Comrade Kevin said...

Because personal responsibility and the private sector really did a great job looking after all of us when the economy tanked.

commoncents said...

Great post!

Would you like a Link Exchange with our new blog COMMON CENTS? Check it out please...

The Barefoot Bum said...

we should be encouraging more home schooling, which is a lot easier now that we have Wikipedia.

Wikipedia? That hotbed of communist, liberal, "fact-based" bias? I'm surprised a good, sound conservative such as yourself would miss an opportunity to promote Conservapedia.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Jon, I'd love to help you build your boat, but I've gotta go to Tremonton, Utah...

Pamela D. Hart said...

If prayer cured cancer for one woman imagine if Jindal got a whole gammit of people together and exorcised cancer off the face of the earth! That would take the wind out of Obama's sails and tick the Liberals off.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

I missed the part of Slumdog where the young bloke turned into Bobby Jindal, because Mrs. Bukko made us walk out of the movie after the part where boiling oil was poured in the eyes of the boy with the good singing voice so that he might become a better beggar. (There's a triumph of free-market capitalism in that tactic somewhere, I'm sure.) Mrs. Bukko said she does not like movies where women are beaten to death with sticks and prisoners are tortured in the basement of police stations by being hung by their arms from the ceiling and electrocuted until they vomit on themselves. She has some soft, liberal tendencies when it comes to movie-watching, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I applaud Gov. Jindal's efforts to make Louisiana into a replica of the slums of the country where his ancestors came from. Look what a roaring success India is! Why shouldn't New Orleans be as prosperous as Mumbai? The weather's just as bad, and although I've never been to the Black Hole of Calcutta (yes, I know it's politically correct to call it Kalicut now) I reckon it must smell a lot like Bourbon Street.

yellojkt said...

There aren't any volcanoes in Louisiana. Yet. And they move a lot slower than hurricanes, and thus easier to spot.

And I have to admire your restraint, Mr. Swift in not observing his resemblance to a certain pasty-white television character.

Susie Bright said...

Oh Jon, I knew you were going to love Bobby from the moment Chris Matthews whispered into his mike, "Oh God!"

All Hail Bobby The Page! As so many people have said, it was a GREAT, great night for Sarah Palin.

ChrisV82 said...

I wonder how Mr. Jindal would feel about cutting the police force and letting citizens enforce their own rights. I've read a lot of Punisher comics and watched quite a number of Death Wish movies, so I think I can exercise my second amendment rights by meting out my own brand of justice.

Carl said...

Mrs. Bukko said she does not like movies where women are beaten to death with sticks and prisoners are tortured in the basement of police stations by being hung by their arms from the ceiling and electrocuted until they vomit on themselves.

I'm entitled to my porn, dammit!

Bukko_in_Australia said...

Carl, that's EXACTLY what Mrs. Bukko called "Slumdog Millionaire" -- torture porn. No wonder she wouldn't watch it. She doesn't even let me watch regular porn...

Adderall Apocalypse said...

Hey! Great column! You're so right! We don't need to spend millions of dollars monitoring volcanoes when we can just sacrifice virgins... wait, do we have any virgins? Anyway, it would definitely save the taxpayers money. And isn't that what Jesus wants?

J said...

Mr. Jindal is spot on. I can’t believe how biased they were against him. I know he’s young, but Reps. would be lucky to have him in 2012.

Have you read the new Bobby Jindal book by xander Cricket? I saw it on Amazon but haven’t checked it out yet.

I think it’s at this link -

Mike Jones said...

I think it was a great response. His is a better alternative to the welfare, nanny-state, socialist policies of Obama wanting to enslave the people to the government.

I thought liberals were all about personal freedom?

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