Bobby Jindal: America's Slumdog Millionaire

After President Obama's doom and gloom speech last night, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's response was as inspiring as the feel-good movie of the year, Slumdog Millionaire, about a plucky Indian who is poor but happy and doesn't need some government program to give him a million dollars. All he has to do is answer a few questions that uncannily parallel his life on the quiz show Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? While President Obama and the Democrats are telling people that they will just help them keep their heads above water, Republicans want to give everyone a shot at the big prize. Who wants to be a millionaire? We all do.

Gov. Jindal's stories of self-reliance were inspiring. Like Michelle Malkin, who is a big fan of his, he is an anchor baby whose parents arrived here from India to exploit our lax immigration laws but nevertheless proved that people who are different races can be successful if they make an effort to fit in and act like real Americans. Instead of acting angry and entitled like some minorities do, Gov. Jindal was so happy and optimistic I thought he was about to bounce up and down like Tigger the way Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle did when he won the Oscar. Gov. Jindal is America's real-life slumdog millionaire.

But what really inspired me was the story he told about how people in leaky little boats tried to save the citizens of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina even though government bureaucrats tried to stop them. If the government had stayed out of New Orleans entirely and encouraged more people to use their boats or to make their own boats out of things around the house, more people would probably be alive today. And instead of waiting for inefficient government workers to fix the levies, ordinary New Orleans citizens could have patched them up using bubble gum and duct tape and good old American know-how.

Instead of relying on the government to build magical magnetic levitation trains, the people of Las Vegas should be encouraged to bring some tools from their garages and build the train themselves, the way the Amish do. And while it's true that the magical levitation part might prove to be technologically difficult for the average Las Vegas citizen, if they all put their minds together and pray, I bet they would be able to levitate the trains. The power of prayer worked for Gov. Jindal when he and a few friends exorcised some demons and cured a woman of cancer back when he was in college so it could probably work for trains, too. And praying may also be the answer to our health care crisis.

And instead of having bureaucrats build roads and bridges why not let people build their own roads and bridges? With all of the companies laying off people and outsourcing jobs to Gov. Jindal's native country, there are plenty of people with time on their hands looking for something to do during the day. It would give people a sense of accomplishment and distract them from worrying about how they will pay the mortgage or pay for health care for their children.

Gov. Jindal also criticized money that is being spent under the stimulus plan to watch volcanoes. Why would you need to pay people to watch a volcano? Isn't it pretty obvious when a volcano erupts? I don't think I need a government bureaucrat to tell me that lava is pouring out of a volcano and that I should probably get out of there as soon as possible. If some people don't get the message, then citizens with lava-proof boats can rescue them – if government bureaucrats just stay out of their way.

President Obama also proposed that we should spend even more money on education. But instead of wasting all of that money, we should be encouraging more home schooling, which is a lot easier now that we have Wikipedia. And instead of sending their kids to expensive colleges, parents could be encouraged to home college their kids, too. Many college-age kids are still living at home anyway because they can't afford to move out so home colleging would give them something to do besides playing video games all day. And besides as the hero of Slumdog Millionaire showed us, you don't necessarily have to be educated to look smart.

Finally, the best part of Gov. Jindal's speech was when he talked about tax cuts. Cutting taxes for 95% of Americans as Pres. Obama promises is extremely unfair to the 5% of Americans who work hard, too, but already pay a lot more taxes than everyone else does despite all of their efforts to shield their assets in offshore accounts. Somebody needs to represent the 5% minority of people who are discriminated against by Obama's tax plan. Gov. Jindal and the new Republican leader Michael Steele understand what it's like to be minorities so it is no surprise that they are willing to stand up for the minority of people who make more than $250,000 a year like bank executives who are often the victims of bigotry in the liberal media. Most Americans want our millionaires to do well because someday we may win the lottery or appear on a quiz show and become millionaires ourselves.

Although I have been pretty down ever since Obama became president and the stock market plunged, Gov. Jindal's quiz show optimism is infectious and I'm glad he's the Republican Party's final answer to our electoral woes. I'm so inspired I think I'm going to start building a boat.

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