Thursday, November 06, 2008

Electing a Scary Black Man President Isn't the End of the World

Isn’t this a great country? This year’s presidential election proves that anything is possible in America, even a scary black man being elected President of the United States. Whether Obama was elected because of enormous voter fraud, liberal white guilt, an influx of new and ignorant voters or some kind of mass hysteria is not important. For now all Americans should savor this victory for our country and for conservative values.

Some conservatives have gotten the mistaken impression that this election was some kind of repudiation of conservatism, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Thank goodness Michelle Malkin was there to go all Don Corleone and bitchslap the whiney, spineless conservatives who harbored such notions. “I’m getting a lot of moan-y, sad-face ‘What do we do now, Michelle?’ e-mails,” wrote Malkin. But this is no time for self-reflection and mea culpas, Malkin told her minions. “We do not apologize for our beliefs. We do not re-brand them, re-form them, or relinquish them. We defend them.” In other words we must double down on our beliefs no matter how distasteful some Americans find them to be. In fact, Americans were telling us that we weren’t conservative enough, that we need to get back to our core principles by being stingier and more callous. John Derbyshire, lamented that we probably would have won this election if only George Bush had deported 20 million illegal aliens and not visited mosques. But this is no time to regret the past. In fact, conservatives have a lot to be proud of.

For years conservatives have been saying that racism doesn’t exist anymore. The election of Barack Obama proves we were right all along. Throughout the campaign we reminded people at every opportunity that while it might be frightening that Obama is a socialist who pals around with terrorists, probably wasn’t born in this country and is secretly a Muslim, it made no difference whatsoever that he was black. “America actually is more post-racial than most realize,” wrote The Anchoress before the election. “Think about it. Obama can’t break 50%. Neither could Kerry, Gore or Clinton. So, Obama is being treated precisely like every other Democrat politician of the last 16 years. His race is not holding him down. His race is not propping him up. This should be cause for celebration, I think. We’ve clearly moved past race.” So even if Obama had lost the election it would have proven that racism doesn’t exist because white people lost elections, too. Still, some conservatives believe that more could have been done to prove that Obama’s race didn’t matter. Lisa Schifrin points out one of the reasons McCain lost was that he was too squeamish about the race thing and hadn’t yet gotten the word that we live in a post-racial society. “Some McCain aides had felt for a while that their candidate had had a deep reluctance to impede the election of the nation's first African American president. That he had, perhaps, pulled punches and failed to strike as hard as necessary to win this thing, for that greater good,” wrote Schifrin. “All Republicans who watched their candidate these past few months, must have been struck, as I have been, by the sense that he was holding back.” Although it’s true that McCain might have been able to win the election if he believed more strongly that race was irrelevant and brought up issues like Rev. Wright, other conservatives did not share his reluctance and in the end no matter what we threw at Obama, white people voted for him anyway. So with the election of Obama conservatives have been vindicated. Now that we have proved once and for all that racism doesn’t exist and that we live in a post-racial society, we never have to talk about race again. Sometimes you win by losing.

I know many conservatives are frightened by an Obama presidency but there are many reasons for optimism. While this election did not turn out the way we expected, Obama will probably really screw things up (I mean, worse than they already are). It’s not too idealistic to believe he could turn out to be a hopelessly incompetent President, maybe the worst this country has ever seen, and completely run America into the ground. We can already take solace in the fact that Obama has so much to live up to that it will be impossible for him to succeed. “Disillusionment will turn to a feeling of betrayal. And that will, in turn, convert to anger,” wrote Steven Den Beste hopefully. “Our mission for the next four years is to be in opposition without becoming deranged.” So all we have to do is let Obama take this country to hell in a handbasket without looking like we are too crazy. How hard could that be?

Although many conservatives did not appear to realize what an enormous opportunity had been handed to us, they nevertheless accepted the news of Obama’s victory with a stoicism that should make us all proud. “Obama is NOT the Anti-Christ,” wrote Flopping Aces, reassuringly. “The Anti-Christ has an actual plan and millions of years of experience to call upon. Obama the President can claim NONE of these qualities.” Sultan Knish exuded a Zen-like calm as he anticipated the next four years. “Today I unpacked my winter clothes in preparation for a long winter, and a long winter is coming if not of the thermometer, then of the soul,” Sultan wrote with soaring poetic imagery, if not of the anger, then of the sorrow. “A man that represents not simply an opposing view but the view of those who oppose America and all it stands for, will sit in the Oval Office. Worse still he did not get there through a democratic election but through fraud, voter intimidation and every dirty trick culminating in a campaign that had little in common with conventional American politics and a great deal in common with the cults of personality cultivated by totalitarian dictators.” Atlas Shrugs waxed poetic, too, transforming herself into a Jewish, orthographically challenged e.e. cummings: “he says he is a democrat. i think he does so to hide that he is a committed marxist leninist who intends to impose a marxist dictatorhip upon this country, which advancig the interests of islam. he will attempt to either impose or import sharia, and sharia financing into this country. he is not my president. i do not accept him we have no deals, mr. obama and i, as he has vitiated them by a fundamental and far reaching fraud. he has evil designes and intents upon me and mine, upon thee and me.”

Obama’s epic fail of an administration will make President Bush’s term look brilliant by comparison. Unfortunately, President Bush has not gotten the respect and appreciation he deserves for keeping America safe after 9/11, protecting all of our other cities besides New Orleans and keeping our economy strong until the financial crisis. Pat Boone, who had such a wonderful career turning crude African-American noise into nice, wholesome Christian music (maybe he could revive his career by re-recording some of Obama’s speeches and doing the same for him), recently shared a very amusing and creative “Bush Resignation Letter” in which Bush explains how great he was to all the ingrates. “I'm fed up with you people,” the faux Bush says. “I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world – or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damn lazy to do your homework and figure it out.” The Wall Street Journal has already begun assigning blame for the Bush Administration’s problems where it belongs: to the American people. In an editorial titled “The Treatment of Bush Has Been a Disgrace,” Jeffrey Shapiro writes, “The attacks launched against him have been cruel and slanderous, proving to the world what little character and resolve we have. The president is not to blame for all these problems.…Our failure to stand by the one person who continued to stand by us has not gone unnoticed by our enemies. It has shown to the world how disloyal we can be when our president needed loyalty -- a shameful display of arrogance and weakness that will haunt this nation long after Mr. Bush has left the White House.” Of course, Mr. Shapiro and other conservatives will always stand by President Obama no matter how bad a President he is because we aren’t disloyal like liberals are. Obama will have to fail on his own without our help. Then we can all say, “I told you so.” I don’t know how much an Obama administration will have to screw up to make the Bush Administration look good, but we can all keep our fingers crossed.

Another bright spot in the election was that the success of Proposition 8 showed that while Americans are colorblind, they still hate gay people, even in California. In addition to Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in California, similar propositions in Florida and Arizona succeeded and Arkansas passed a resolution banning the practice of forcing orphans to live with gay parents instead of in nice, comfortable orphanages. Conservatives should make vilifying gays the centerpiece of our platform in the coming years since it obviously still works. In fact, Proposition 8 got its strongest support from blacks and Hispanics, so once they get over the novelty of having a minority in the White House, we may be able to use this issue to win them over to the conservative cause.

Lost in the drama of election night coverage was the fact that Gabriel Malor, one of the pseudononymous co-bloggers on the blog of CPAC Blogger of the Year Ace of Spades, chose this night to come out of the closet and was duly slapped down by conservatives sticking to their principles. “Could we have a moment of silence for those poor fools who were happily married or engaged yesterday and today are finding out that they don't have squat?” Malor wrote. “Prop 8 was much more personal than some silly high-speed train or hospital funding. People are hurting today. And I'm one of them.” Commenters at Ace of Spades, where ribald anti-gay humor has always been one the features that makes the blog so delightful, were shocked. “Did Gabe just come out of the closet?” exclaimed A Different Dave in Texas. Apotheosis did his best to take it in stride with a nervous attempt at humor: “I'm sorry you're hurting, Gabriel. I'd offer you a hug, but...y'know. Just a beer or something, man? We're cool, right?” But while some commenters offered him sympathy, others stuck to their core conservative principles. “Wow. I'm really hurting for all the guy who want to marry their sisters. The gals who want to marry their Doberman Pinschers. The pain. The hurt,” wrote Dang sarcastically. “I'm not a hard hearted person, but I'm also not going to lose sleep about the democratic process working to the disappointment of some. That's just the f---ing breaks,” said Nom de Blog. Moronizer was having none of it: “So you got ‘married,’ knowing full well that it might get voided. Boo hoo.” And Religious Zealot wanted Malor to stop acting so gay about it: “I don't deny that Gabe and others are hurting, it's just that it's a drama-queen reaction.” I hope that in the coming days the bloggers at Ace of Spades will redouble their efforts to make fun of gays lest people start speculating about the sexual preference of the other co-bloggers and regular commenters there. Better to nip this thing in the bud before it spreads.

Even though Ace of Spades was not able to have any effect whatsoever on the election, it wasn’t for lack of trying. And Ace of Spades will continue to be the go-to blog as conservatives grapple with their principles in this brave new world. If there is one thing that distinguishes conservatives from liberals it’s that we don’t believe in demonizing our opponents unless it’s absolutely necessary. “McCain lost honorably, as he wanted. I guess that's what really matters in the end,” Ace of Spades wrote after the results came. Ace of Spades never lost his honor or dignity even as he did his best to warn Americans that they were about to elect someone who was “the same kind of socialist race hustler as Jesse Jackson,” was so close to terrorists that one even wrote his book for him and had a mistress that the mainstream media refused to report on no matter how much he tried to push the story. Now Ace and his "moronbloggers," as they call themselves, will lead the way in showing why conservatives are better than liberals. “I love this country too much to do to President-Elect Obama what the left did to President Bush, John McCain and Sarah Palin. We’re better than that,” wrote Ace’s co-blogger Slublog. “Demonization is not essential to opposition.” Conservatives can try other things, too.

Of course, conservatives are not going to be afraid to give President Obama constructive criticism when necessary, while we wait for 2012, when we can all get behind the Sarah Palin/Dan Quayle ticket (yes you can say you heard it here first: Palin will be the Republican nominee in 2012 and she will select Dan Quayle as her running mate to add experience and gravitas to the ticket). When Bill Clinton was elected President in 1992, Bob Dole famously said "Good news is, Clinton's on his honeymoon. Bad news is, his chaperone is Bob Dole." That was before the Internet. President Obama is going to have the whole conservative blogosphere as his chaperone.

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Objective Scrutator said...

In my view, homophobia is synonymous with patriotism. Homosexuality is like a termite, gnawing away at the foundations of our society. I am pleased to see how Californians, under the moral leadership of Newt Gingrich, the Knights of Columbus, and the Mormons, have spoken against God sending a giant meteor hurtling towards them.

In addition, I think we need to rename some of the White House rooms, in order to honor President Bush. The Lincoln Room, for example, could be called the Bush room. Perhaps the lackey of the Holy Ghost could haunt the Obama Osama panderer in there.

At any rate, B Hussein has no experience, and no idea on what he's doing here. Just like Lincoln and JFK, he shall help bring this country in to ruin.

The nation probably deserves to suffer from Marxism, a mutation of the body politic, since they refused to respect Alan Keyes. If Alan Keyes was our first black President, I am certain that our nation would immediately gravitate to glory, and prove that Intelligent Falling is True, once and for all.

Anonymous said...

Even though we didn't like Bush, he did have two very visible African-Americans in his administration. So far I have not heard anything about Obama doing this. We will wait and see. Emanuel is Jewish and that's good. Jewish people can't say anything else derogatory about Obama now. I keep hearing Black people say Obama's rise to the presidency is not just for us it is for all Americans. But if he doesn't give any African-Americans or Hispanic-Americans a role in his administration that tune will change very quickly! Obama, I hope you are reading this. I know you enjoy the internet. I love you now. Don't disappoint us.

An African-American who is a little worried

kamakula said...

I cosign on anon's statement. Not only am I worried by the current lack of black people in Obama's cabinet, I'm worried about the sheer lack of people altogether. This is q severe problem and would be very disappointing if Obama does not appoint anyone. Also, as a blogger, I want at least one of us represented.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE- Please stop convincing yourselves that Republican defeat in two consecutive elections was "voter fraud", or "ignorant voters", an "October surprise", or whatever intellectually bankrupt excuse that gives you solace.

The fact is that the Republican brand has been slowly destroyed by greedy and morally bankrupt ideologues since Reagan left office. Sure, you USE Reagan as a flag, but the party under that flag has lost its way, and run off a far-right cliff.

We can only hope that moderate and pragmatic Republicans throw out the ideologues and hate mongers who are destroying the party. Otherwise, the Republican Party will continue to wilt into a pathetic minority party of angry and far-right theocratic radicals who only believe what is on FOX News and what spews from Rush Limbaugh. Live in that insular world and you will kill the party.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

So many fascinating conservative viewpoints you've brought up, Rev. Swift, too many to comment upon! You might be posting less often, but you're going on longer. I'll say just one thing to keep it short:

Obama won because the conservatives let him. That's what nice people we are. So there!

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the previous comment.

I'm sorry, we all know that the crisis on Wall St. was not from a failure of Reaganomics but because risky loans were handed out like welfare checks. Trickle down economics works and fits like a glove with Democratic principles. Look at how Democracy flourished in Chile under Pinochet and Indonesia under Suharto. If you don't have faith in the market maybe it's because of ideological impurity.

The Republican Party remains a big tent for all of Americans to gather under. If they decide not to then it's probably because they are anti American and don't share conservative values.

Just yesterday I heard Chris Wallace say that Fox News is fair and balanced and just like he and his network has done for the last 8 years that once President Obama makes a mistake or a wrong move Fox will be all over him like spots on a dice. Wallace has a long record of holding politicians feet to the fire.

Anonymous said...

Jon, you da Man! Keep it coming!

Clark said...

"Otherwise, the Republican Party will continue to wilt into a pathetic minority party of angry and far-right theocratic radicals who only believe what is on FOX News and what spews from Rush Limbaugh."

One can only hope. 2012, you betcha!

bob the hog said...

This election was also a great victory for low-information misandrists, or PUMA's. Had it not been for them, McCain would not have chosen Palin, and without Palin, he would have won.

Nice work, PUMA's. Obama owes you, bigtime.

L.G. Fucktard said...

"...we all know that the crisis on Wall St. was not from a failure of Reaganomics but because risky loans were handed out like welfare checks."

Don't forget the fifty trillion dollars worth of naked credit default swaps that the reliefers gobbled up like gubmint cheese.

Jaesoreal said...

As a black man, I'm disappointed to now be "the man." Geez

Houston said...

I forget the point you intended to make because, once again, Dr. Swift, you wax on eloquently and way, way too long. Whatever! I mean, really.

I heard an interesting comment today. It said that for awhile, race relations in these our United States would improve. Why? Because we elected a semi-colored man as President? African-Americans found joy in that? Are their lives THAT devoid of meaning? That is truly sad. It mans that all this time, Blacks have not been our friends. They've just been shining us on. In the past, they found no joy in our vicories, nor sadness in our loses, because, well because it wasn't about color, so they didn't care.

Or maybe I just read something wrong in the first paragraph.

Anonymous said...

I, for one, felt a tremendous sense of relief upon the passage of Proposition 8 in California.

Seriously, what would’ve been the logical next step?
Ranchers marrying sheep?
Widows marrying cats?

And THEN what?
Priests marrying boys?
Mormons having multiple spouses?
Kids and dogs living together?

How many actual rights must we have?
I’m thankful we’re finally paying attention to theoretical wrongs.

Darren7160 said...

The Conservatives are so right! They need to actually double down! It worked so well for them in 2006 that I have been encouraging them to continue blaming the liberal media and playing the victim card! Yes!!! Don't change a single thing they are doing. 4 MORE YEARS!

Anonymous said...

"he is a committed marxist leninist who intends to impose a marxist dictatorhip upon this country, which advancig the interests of islam. he will attempt to either impose or import sharia, and sharia financing into this country."

Call me crazy, but surely a Marxist-Leninist would seek to impose Marxism rather than Islamic Sharia law? Particularly as I'm hard pressed to think of any Marxist-Leninist who was not also an atheist -- it kinda goes with the ideology.

I'm not sure what is funnier, Mr Swift or the actual right-wing nuts he quotes...

An Anarchist FAQ

Comrade Kevin said...

That's the last refuge of the conservative voter: We lost, but he'll probably screw everything up even worse, so we'll get some hollow consolation in that fact.

The GOP will reform itself in time, as happens with everything, but I'm going to enjoy being the winner for the first time in a while.

Major Mel Funkshun said...

A "Sarah Palin/Dan Quayle ticket" isn't "doubling down", it's "going all in"! Let's do it! You betcha!!

Nickie Goomba said...

And now the painful process begins. I will continue to work for the success of my country while praying for the utter humiliation of liberal Democrats. It's quite a balancing act.

mw (DWSUWF) said...

As a reasonable liberal, I must take issue with my old nemesis, the reasonably conservative proprietor of this fine blogging establishment.

If conservatives would simply remember that we are all Americans first, and that under the rules of the American system, our overwhelming 52% progressive mandate does require all conservatives to live by our rules for the next four years.

You had your turn, now it is our turn. That is only fair. Which reminds me, we'll be getting back to all you conservative bloggers about some doctrines and remedial classes on basic fairness soon.

Jon, given the emotional humiliation and virtual physical abuse we liberals suffered at the hands of conservatives like yourself over the the last eight years, it is reasonable to expect that some of my liberal blogging brethren might feel that it is only fair that we "take advantage of a historic opportunity to break the conservative movement's backs and crush their spirits." as brother Markos suggests, or "finalize their humiliating repudiation and to bury them for what they've done" as brother Glenn recommends.

Now, while I understand their perspective, I don't think we need to go that far. After all, we are Liberals and generous in spirit. So Jon, if you just do what we tell you to do, I assure you, everything will be just fine.

movie fan said...

If Palin runs for President in 2012, at least she has name recognition going for her... but that may not work in her favor

RobWeaver said...

I am pleased to see how Californians, under the moral leadership of Newt Gingrich, the Knights of Columbus, and the Mormons, have spoken against God sending a giant meteor hurtling towards them.

I thought stuff like that happens anyway whenever you have a black president. Or has Hollywood been lying to me?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Dr Swift,

As usual you have summed matters up in a few succinct and perfectly formed sentences.

We true conservatives have achieved victory on that Bridge To Nowhere situation, if I get your drift. Or we are possibly in a Post-Nowhere universe.

In any case, might I possibly suggest that you include one Melanie Phillips (She-Ra of the London Spectator)in your comprehensive analysis? She seems to hit the nail on the head:

"Millions of Americans remain lion-hearted, decent, rational and sturdy. They find themselves today abandoned, horrified, deeply apprehensive for the future of their country and the free world. No longer the land of the free and the home of the brave; they must now look elsewhere."

Can you tell me where Shangri-La, or possibly Atlantis, might be?

Oh, it's Israel, right?

Anonymous said...

(Unfortunately Ms Phillips remains somewhat obscure as to where this 'freedom' thing exists).

I fear for my country.

Roland said...

Viewing this from Europe I can't understand why the extremists are wetting themselves at the prospect of a further lurch to the right. The base had no choice but to vote for McCain but his mishandling of the campaign (the Wasilla hillbilly etc) alienated the independents. Until such time as the GOP establishes a one-party state the key to electoral success is in the centre.

Anonymous said...

Wow - not sure how I managed to get to the end of this drivel without completely breaking out in total disbelief but you guys sure are funny. If Barak is that scary, I'll bet you probably still wet the bed after watching a Halloween movie. So I suggest that you all kiss each other will pretending that Prop 8 is good for the country and as you try to console each other keep in mind that no president can or will ever be as bad as Bush!

Micgar said...

Palin/Quayle: Dumb and Dumber for America in 2012. "I'm Sarah Palin and I think I approved this message...? I don't know, I think I skimmed through something about this Sean shoved in front of me a couple days ago....I don't know!"

Flug said...

"We true conservatives have achieved victory" I totally agree with u.
I think conservative reaganism is the issue of all the problems in the USA.

Stella said...

I thought it was impossible to use "brilliant" and "Bush" in the same sentence.

And all these great comments, too.

Anonymous said...

I was always upset with liberal drivers on roads, so when I got my new F-150 8 years ago, I put on a bumper sticker that said "America Love It or LEAVE IT". Ha, you should have seen all the liberals behind me getting steamed.

Anyway, I got into an bad accident last year, this is why I learned the internets and I had to paint over my bumper sticker.

With this unamerican president, should I get a new bumper sticker? I don't want liberals saying I should leave now that I hate the president.

In any case, I need to decide before N0bama becomes president because his fairness doctrine will make me put a liberal sticker on too.

What do you think?


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Nascim Alnaam said...

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mossad eladawy said...

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mossad eladawy said...

شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مسابح بالرياض
ديكورات غرف نوم
كشف تسربات المياه

mossad eladawy said...

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tawfik hassan said...

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شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
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tawfik hassan said...

شركة تنظيف بالرياض
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alamir amir said...

شركة نقل عفش

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شركة تنظيف
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