Jon Swift Nominated for a 2007 Weblog Award for Funniest Blog

In a year when Al Gore won an Oscar, an Emmy and the Nobel Peace Prize, you might think that awards have lost all of their meaning. But there is one one last chance to restore integrity to the award-giving process. The judges for the 2007 Weblog Awards have nominated this modest blog for an award in the category of Funniest Blog. Voting for my blog (which you can do here) will not restore the luster to Henry Kissinger's Nobel Peace Prize, which has been forever tainted by Gore's win, but it will send an important message that there are some prizes that Gore does not have a lock on, besides the Presidency, of course.

There are nine other nominees in my category and while none of them admit to being Al Gore, some, or all, of them may be Al Gore blogging under a pseudonym (which, he will be happy to know, thanks to the efforts of me and my friends on the blogosphere, would no longer bar him from having an account on Facebook). And there is no guarantee that if one of these other nominees wins, even if they aren't actually Al Gore, that they won't just turn around and hand their award over to Al Gore. I am the only nominee who has sworn an oath that if I win, I will not give it away to Al Gore no matter how much he begs me. So the only way to make absolutely sure that this award does not fall into Al Gore's hands is to vote for me.

If that is not reason enough to cast your vote for Jon Swift, let me also remind you that last year I was also nominated in this category but did not win. There is nothing more pathetic than a two-time loser. Another loss would not only put me on the road to becoming the Susan Lucci of the blogosphere, it would probably turn me into a bitter and twisted shell of a blogger and I know you don't want that to happen. For those of you who still insist that awards should be based on merit, however, I urge you to check out the Best of Jon Swift or take a look at some of these highlights from the past year:

Why Do Conservatives Like Larry Craig Seem So Gay? The more one looks at the evidence that Craig seems to be gay, the more one can see that it is really just evidence of being conservative. There are many attributes of conservatism that seem really gay and unfortunately the more we deny that we are gay, the gayer we seem.

Jonah Goldberg's Shining (with LOLcats) Most of Goldberg's ideas could be expressed much more economically, not to mention entertainingly, by using LOLcats, an Internet meme where pictures of cats and other cute animals are captioned with grammatically challenged prose. Conveniently, many cats look like Adolf Hitler.

I Am Paris Hilton How can we possibly have faith in the American system of justice when we see that despite having access to the best lawyers money can buy, Paris Hilton can be treated so cruelly? What hope do we have for the future when we see that even if we become a wealthy celebrity, we might still be subject to the harsh vagaries of the law. First they came for Paris Hilton and I did not speak up because I was not Paris Hilton.

Raising the Minimum Age for Porn Can a girl of 21 really know what she is consenting to when she signs a release form for a pornographer? Does she really understand what the ramifications might be later in life? That is why I propose that we raise the minimum age of consent to participate in pornography to 65.

Is Abstinence-Only Sex Education Too Explicit? Once you tell kids to abstain from sex until marriage, you have already told them too much. When kids start experimenting with abstaining, it should be no surprise that things can get out of hand and that they will move on to actually having sex.

When Giuliani Is President, Every Day Will Be 9/11 Isn't it unfair to judge a man on how he behaved on 22,930 days of his life instead of the day he was at his best?

Conservapedia Conservapedia is based on good Christian values, unlike Wikipedia, which I gather from the name, is based on Wiccan.

Tim Hardaway Makes Homophobia Look Bad In high school, athletes were often picked on by acerbic gay wits who cruelly ridiculed them with jokes that went over their heads, while girls, who thought of them as little more than slabs of muscle to accompany them to school dances, giggled behind their backs.

Anna Nicole Smith: America's Princess Di Her name will forever live on in the halls of justice for her victory in the landmark Supreme Court case Marshall v. Marshall, which struck a blow for the rights of millions of young widows of elderly billionaire husbands.

Blogrolling The more I learned about this Amnesty Day, the more I realized that it was a very strange amnesty indeed. The amnesty [Atrios] granted turned out to be amnesty for himself. He wanted to assuage himself of the guilt he might feel at kicking blogs off his blogroll instead of granting amnesty to others to swarm across the border into his domain.

Breaking News: Michael Ledeen Is Dead Sadly, Ledeen did not live to see his greatest scoop vindicated: his report that the Iranian leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was dead. Or if he hadn't actually died, was dying. If not right at the moment, then eventually.

Who Needs Books? For a long time I have been saying that actually reading books is overrated. Now I have an unlikely ally: librarians.

Time Magazine's 2006 Person of the Year I think if Time was going to choose a pronoun as Person of the Year, the best choice would have been Them. More and more people see the world as Us against Them. They seem to hate us for some reason. And lately we haven't been so fond of them either.

Vote Here for Jon Swift for Funniest Blog

Everyone is permitted to vote once a day until November 8. The Weblog Awards system, which is impervious to hacking by all but the most sophisticated Indian teenagers, will not let you vote again if you have already voted on the same computer in the preceding 24 hours.

Of course, there are a number of other fine blogs that have been nominated in other categories and I would like to highlight a few blogs from my blogroll that I think also deserve your support:

Best Literature Blog
Even though I don't read books, this category features five great blogs from my blogroll: Maud Newton, Classical Bookworm, Erik Hare, Writer's Block (to which I owe a great deal of gratitude for giving me an award for my piece "Who Needs Books?") and last, but certainly not least, Diary of a Heretic by my dear friend and frequent commenter Kathleen Maher, who has labored in undeserved obscurity long enough.

Best UK Blog
Speaking of obscurity, Nourishing Obscurity is not only the best British Blog, its proprietor is also the generous and hardworking founder of Blogpower a worthy organization dedicated to giving a voice to smaller blogs and one of my favorite people in the blogosphere. If blogging had a Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, he would surely win it.

Best Culture Blog
Is there a better writer on film on the Internet today than the always scintillating Self-Styled Siren? I can't think of one.

Best Middle East or Africa Blog
Eatbees writes about places I hope I never have to visit in a way that is always fascinating to read. And as far as I know, he's not on any Homeland Security watch lists.

Best European Blog (Non UK)
Even though Michael Van Der Galien comes from what Donald Rumsfeld called "Old Europe" he is surprisingly knowledgeable about what's happening now.

Best Diarist
I love reading about the adventures of Robin Slick and her cool rock-star children. Apparently, she thinks I'm someone famous. I don't have the heart to tell her that I'm actually not Brad Pitt, despite the resemblance.

Best Education Blog
I believe the Van Halen song "Hot for Teacher" was originally written as a tribute to NYC Educator, though I might be mistaken.

Best Video Blog
The fact that Crooks & Liars actually let a conservative like myself guest blog says a lot about the fine folks there, but I would also like to put in a word for a very worthy dark horse candidate Hot Potato Mash, who not only posts some great videos, he produces many of them himself.

Best LGBT Blog
I have no idea what LGBT stands for but it must must be something good judging by the caliber of blogs in this category, including Republic of T, Pam's House Blend, Susie Bright's Journal and Fetch me my axe.

Best Political Coverage
I think the folks at Foreign Policy Watch may even be smarter than the experts in the State Department, which is high praise indeed.

Best Science Blog
Science is dead but Pharyngula refuses to stop blogging about it. You have to admire his persistence.

Best Online Community

Unlike some other online communities, which I am too polite to name, Maryscott O'Connor's My Left Wing actually seems like a democracy instead of a medieval kingdom run by a feudel lord. Still, I think she may be taking this free speech thing too far.

Best Liberal Blog
Even though I am a conservative, some of my best friends on the blogosphere are liberals (since I'm completely colorblind I'm not sure, however, if some of my best friends are black). I'm going to have a hard time choosing from among such blogs as Shakesville, skippy the bush kangaroo, Orcinus, Glenn Greenwald's Unclaimed Territory, Hullabaloo and Pandagon.

Best Blog
Joe Gandelman at The Moderate Voice and Ed Morrissey of Captain's Quarters are without a doubt two of the nicest, most honorable and most talented bloggers in the blogosphere and I am proud to call them my friends even though they believe, oddly, that political opponents should be treated with decency, an idea that seems almost quaint in this day and age. (Unfortunately, for technical reasons The Moderate Voice has been moved to the Best of the Top 251 - 500 Blogs category.) Captain's Quarters is also nominated for Best Conservative Blog.

There are a number of great blogs on our blogroll in the TTLB categories. I don't think I'm the only one who is going to have a hard time choosing.

Best of the Top 250 Blogs

Bitch Ph.D., Jesus' General, Balloon Juice, and MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Best of the Top 251 - 500 Blogs

The Moderate Voice, Tbogg, The Carpetbagger Report, Feministe, and Fausta

Best of the Top 501 - 1000 Blogs

Avedon Carol's The Sideshow, The Poor Man Institute, Woman Honor Thyself, The Smirking Chimp, and Agonist

Best of the Top 1001 - 1750 Blogs

Newshoggers, Obsidian Wings, Slacktivist, Dispatches from the Culture Wars, and Echidne of the Snakes

Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs

Booker Rising, Creek Running North, A Tiny Revolution, driftglass, and Acephalous

Best of the Top 3501 - 5000 Blogs

Streak's Blog, (parenthetical remarks), Ken Levine, Prometheus 6, The Galloping Beaver, and Dr. Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refuge

Best of the Top 5001 - 6750 Blogs

The Debate Link, Whiskey Fire, Gay Orbit, The Field Negro, Simply Left Behind, and Three Wise Men!

Best of the Top 6751 - 8750 Blogs

Jack and Jill Politics, Abnormal Interests, Reno and Its Discontents, HE&OS--Home Education & Other Stuff, and Scholars & Rogues

Best of the Rest of the Blogs (8751+)

Kiko's House, Political Grind, and konagod

If I've left off any nominees who are on my blogroll, please let me know.

Vote here for Jon Swift for Funniest Blog

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