Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Pro-America vs. Anti-America

There has been some confusion over what Sarah Palin meant when she said, “The best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, very pro-America areas of this great nation." Unfortunately, Palin did not elaborate in her speech on just what she meant by “pro-America” and conversely, what constitutes “anti-America.” McCain adviser Nancy Pfotenhauer offered one example of what Palin meant by pointing out that northern Virginia is not “real Virginia.” Rep. Michelle Bachmann then went on Hardball and told Chris Matthews, “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think the people would love to see an expose like that.” But many Americans are still unclear as to what is pro-America and what is anti-America, so I have made a handy chart that will give you some examples. This list is by no means exhaustive so please feel free to provide your own examples in the comments. (Photo by Stanley J. Forman)

Pro-America

Anti-America

Republicans

Democrats

Small towns

Cities (except for Ground Zero in New York)

The South (except northern Virginia and the parts of Florida where liberal New York Jews live), the Midwest (except for Illinois, Michigan, Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin), the West (except for the Pacific Coast and Colorado), western Pennsylvania

The East (except western Pennsylvania), the Pacific Coast, Colorado, parts of the Midwest that have turned against God, northern Virginia

Christians (except for Unitarians), Neocons

Liberal Jews, Unitarians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and other atheists

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader

Saturday Night Live

Country music (except for the Dixie Chicks), Christian rock

Non-Christian rock, hip hop, electronica, classical, jazz, folk, blues, salsa, reggae, bossa nova, sea shanties, etc.

Hank Williams, Jr.

Hank Williams, Sr.

A six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon

A venti soy milk latte

Iceberg lettuce

Arugula

American Idol Project Runway
American Carol A Christmas Carol

Homeschooling

Daycare

Regent University

The Ivy League

Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush

Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Bill Clinton

Leaving Gs off the ends of words

Pronouncing “nuclear” correctly

Soccer moms

Soccer

Professional wrestling

Olympic wrestling

A wide stance

Coming out

Shotgun marriages

Gay marriages

SUVs

Hybrids

Twilight

His Dark Materials

Chronicles of Narnia

Harry Potter

Conservapedia

Wikipedia

Pregnant teens who keep their babies

Teens who use birth control

Intelligent Design

Interior design

Seven houses

One house you can’t afford

Anger

Compassion

Myspace

Facebook

Godtube

Youtube

Abstinence-only sex education

Biology

The Rapture

Global Warming

Fargo (the accent)

Fargo (the movie)

Guns

Lawsuits

Death penalty

Abortion

Waterboarding

Skateboarding

Talk radio

NPR

Aspirin

Socialized medicine

Dr. Phil

Oprah Winfrey

Anna Nicole Smith

Princess Diana

Supreme Court cases whose names I can’t remember where Roberts, Alito, Scalia and Thomas are in the majority

Roe v. Wade

William Buckley

Christopher Buckley, Lord Buckley

Sexy librarians

American Library Association

Robocalls that interrupt your dinner

Polls that interrupt your dinner

Legacy admissions

Affirmative action

Second Amendment

Ninth Amendment

G. Gordon Liddy, Eric Rudolph, Timothy McVeigh

The Weather Underground

Social Darwinism

Theory of Evolution

Signing statements

Legislation

Joe Lieberman

Colin Powell

Pakistan

Spain

Stephen Baldwin

Alec Baldwin

Red Dawn

Dawn of the Dead

White

Black


Carnivals: Carnival of the Insanities, Bobo Carnival of Politics, Carnival To Replace Michele Bachmann

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46 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gulf of Alaska / Bering Strait ?

J. said...

A few others to add to the list: Pro-America: pro the death penalty, Anti-America, pro choice; Pro-America: carnivores, Anti-America: vegetarians and vegans; Pro-America: Wal-Mart, Anti-America: Target (pronounced tar-JAY); Pro-America: Bill O'Reilly, Anti-America: Keith Olbermann; Pro-America: Fox News, Anti-America: MSNBC...

Ivan G Shreve Jr said...

That Hank, Jr. is pro-American while his father--the greatest songwriter in the history of country music-is anti will have me laughing the rest of the week.

Distributorcap said...

Wheel of Fortune/Jeopardy
Slot Machines/Poker or Craps
NY Post/NY Times
Hank Paulson/Paul Volker
Yugo/Mercedes

Anonymous said...

Pro-America: My opinion
Anti-American: Your opinion

Pro-America: "what I believe in my heart"
Anti-American: "what I can see with my eyes"

Pro-America: "hands off my guns!"
Anti-American: "hands off my body!"

Pro-America: Alaska Independance Party
Anti-American: ACORN

Anonymous said...

Sir,

well done for bravely pitting intelligent design against interior design in your informative chart. Interior design is, as we all know, a well respected and recognised science. As yet intelligent design is not regarded as such. But with more of this kind of support and recognition we can make it a science in no time, gawd demmit!

At least I think that's how it works...

Yours etc.

J.K.

p.s. how about America vs therestoftheworld?

Batocchio said...

A few quibbles (soccer moms mostly went for Clinton), but well done!

I like the additions in the thread, too.

Anonymous said...

I think you need to include Catholics with the Unitarians--or are you just another stooge of the godless homosexual papal mafia that secretly controls Washington, The Hague, and KFC?

Anonymous said...

Fried/sautéed
Accent/Cumin
Keys showing/keys not a fashion accessory
Big dreams/realized dreams

Unknown said...

Dogma/Karma
teh suck/teh gay
Alpha Beta/Lambda Lambda Lambda
Dumbasses/Smartasses
Symbolism/Full range of literary devices

mw said...

Neocon Warmongers for McCain / Neocon Warmongers for Obama

Tom said...

Joe McCarthy / Eugene McCarthy
Hummer (the vehicle) / hummer (the sex act)
The Wishbone / The Shotgun
mad men /"Mad Men"
oranges / tangerines
Leno / Letterman
High School Musical / any other musical
S&L's / "Community" banks
Marlboros / Gauloises
steak / steak tartare
glossolalia / stream of consciousness
toothpicks / dental floss
beer-to-beer networking / peer-to-peer networking
WalMart / Target
diesel trucks / diesel cars
lethal injections / botox

Keep up the good work, Mr. Swift.

Anonymous said...

Mallard Fillmore/Doonesbury
Ben Stein/Jon Stewart
Militias/al-Qaeda
Iraq war/Kosovo war
Donuts/Bagels
Freedom Fries/French Fries
Coca-Cola/Coke Zero
vacations in Branson, MO/vacations in Europe
Elvis Presley/Elvis Costello
Trout/Salmon
Totino's Pizza/California Pizza Kitchen
White processed sugar/Brown 'raw' sugar
Gallo wine/Italian wine
Fried fish/Sushi
Fruit of the Loom underwear/Calvin Klein underwear
Harley-Davidson motorcycles/Japanese or Italian motorcycles
watching NASCAR/watching Tour de France
Neil Armstrong/Lance Armstrong
American-made films/foreign language subtitled films
Missionary position sex/all other sex positions
Home Depot/Restoration Hardware
GMC/BMW
the football you play mostly with your hands/the football you play mostly with your feet
watching TV/reading books
Carlos Mencia/Dave Chappelle
Levi's jeans/Guess or DKNY jeans
Hummer/hummus
Blockbuster video rentals (the actual store)/Netflix
speaking only English, poorly/speaking at least two languages
calling them 'blacks'/calling them 'African-Americans'
watching the American version of "The Office" or "Whose Line Is It Anyway"/watching the British version of "The Office" or "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

Anonymous said...

gee how could I have forgotten:

Pro-America: PC
Anti-America: Mac

Anonymous said...

Christianity is optional for Unitarians. You really didn't need to note that Unitarians are excepted under Christians.

In fact God is optional for Unitarians. Which reminds me, did you hear about the family that left town after the Unitarians burned a question mark on their lawn?

Pamela Zydel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pamela Zydel said...

Pro-Americans drink Lemonade
Anti-Americans drink Koolaid

chicago dyke said...

meth/pot

unprotected anal sex to prevent procreation/safer sex employing all orifaces

glass parking lot in mecca/send more troops to afghanistan to "stabilize" it

prostitution by many names/productive work for a paycheck that is taxed

welfare/self reliance

Hank Gillette said...

Pro America: candidates from Alaska.
Anti-America: candidates from Hawaii.

Alphonse said...

Commonsense / thought
Spending / saving
Deficits / surpluses
War / peace
Hot / cool
Imports / exports
Farm subsidies / welfare
Regressive / progressive
Idolatry / worship
Xenophobia / patriotism
Self reliance / interdependence
Jingoism / pride
Revenge / reconciliation
Bud / beer
Compulsion / persuasion
Projection / outrage
Discipline / self-discipline
Volubility / articulateness
Contacts / acquaintances
Cronies / allies
Demonology / geography
Libertarian / anarchist
Mickey Mouse / Bugs Bunny
Walt Disney / Hanna-Barbera
Rote / improvisation
Politics / policy
Adherence / skepticism
Free to conform / free to choose
Rigid / flexible
Radical / conservative
Ideological / pragmatic
Polarising / argumentative
Divisive / inclusive
Self-congratulation / self-doubt
Mores / morals
Rules / values
Scorn / snark
Reflex / response

Susie Bright said...

Lord Buckley salutes you from the grave!

Anonymous said...

stupid, dumb Americans. Reading this post gives me a clue as to why America has dug itself into such a hole: 2 unwinnable wars, a financial meltdown, jobs being shipped to China and India and collapsing roads and bridges. And all you dumb fuckers can think of is pro/anti american?!?!?! And actually come up with the dumbest most idiotic things to categorise.

Americans are the dumbest motherfuckers god ever put on this earth. Ha, continue with this charade and watch America go down the drain. India and China will rise and kick your balls in. They already are. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

American Morons.

Anonymous said...

God / Boognish

J.K.

Anonymous said...

Pro-America:
John McCain vs. Barack Hussein Ayers Wright Hitler Marx Lenin Osama Obama

Anti-America:
Barack Obama vs. John Haywire Hair-Trigger Doddering Angry Old Man McSame McCain

finlay wexstrung said...

Pabst!? Thank goodness I live a bastian of anti-Americanism...

Anonymous said...

@ proud nonamerican:

It's so fun to see that we can join hands fiddling and laughing merrily while Rome burns! So glad to see that you want to join the party!

However, the difference between us is that while you may care whether or not we give a whit about what you think, we actually don't.

Really.

It's more fun that way!

Let freedom ring.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

@ anonymous,

I don't give a flying fuck whether you care about my comments or not. Just as well if you don't care. If you did, you might find a message that might save your country (if you are american).

Palin as V-P. The stupid woman can't even say which newspapers she reads. And she is cheered wildly by your idiotic compatriots. As I said...American morons.

Anyway now that India has the nuclear deal in the bag its time to kick America in the balls and reap the rewards. As for the rest, China will take care of you.

And please...don't repeat my laughter if you can help it. Come up with an original ending line. But what do you expect of a crowd reared on fox news and rush limbaug.

fucking american assholes. At least have the balls to not post anonymously.

Anonymous said...

My dear Pro-American proud nonamerican (may I call you proud?), I’m pleased to find you visiting this compassionate conservative’s website comments thread. And of course I know you care! You wouldn’t be so proud if you didn’t! I happen to love winged fowl of all stripes. Even loons.

As a fellow compassionate conservative, may I say, “Welcome.”

I’m proud too! I’m proud to be anonymous! Just like you, I’m not afraid to hide behind my moniker either! God bless freedom. Want some?

Just like you, I receive all my information from FOX news! Yes, I’ve seen those proud patriot Palin rallies. She’s certainly something, ain’t she? You wouldn’t know by all those tight shots on her that she is being wildly cheered by tens if not hundreds of idiotic compatriot American morons.

Might I add, proud, compassionate morons! Even loons. That truly is the message that just might save my country!

As you have so eloquently impressed me with your understanding of Ms. Palin, I hope my vote will be fraudulently miscounted for her instead of Mr. McCain. I’d do it, proud, as a tall gift to you. Please, no need to thank me, although I'm sure you will. Or not. We conservatives are mighty proud of our wide stances.

India? Been there, done that. Although it’s nice to see that they try to keep up! Our poor people even proudly donated their jobs to their poor people. I even conversate with them almost every day! I like to conversate. Do you conversate?

And as for rest, China does indeed take care of us. Our poor people watch their poor people’s TVs. It’s nice being taken care of, don’t you think? Does anyone take care of you?

I like to drink Kool-Aid. I also like to play the proud piano. I particularly like duets accompanied by orchestrated misunderestimated proud dissonance. Loons lap it up.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Pro-American: winking, Anti-American: thinking.
Pro-American: African witch hunters, Anti-American: African Americans.

Anonymous said...

Hey anon,

You are welcome to keep your patriotic palin types, SUVs, Kool-aids, small town values, ultra patriotism, flag-waving pro-eyerack compassionate conservatives...and feel mighty proud of them as well. Maybe that's why your country is in the mess it is in: broke and beaten.

you know, more jobs may be shipped to India now that your country is up shit creek without an oar. Maybe that's why more Americans are going to watch Obama than McCain, apart from those that go to watch Palin's tits, that is.

You know, Iam happy to know you love winged fowl. But to be honest, its no fun arguing with a 'compassionate conservative' (isn't that an oxymoron?!? oh yeah, it is, to go with the regular moron) because they are so dumb. Seems like you and your ilk read no books or engage with issues apart from parroting (oh look, another winged bird, quite a lot, eh) assholes like hannity and coulter!

Maybe that's where the pride comes from. When you have no brains left and an IQ below 20 pride does wonders for self-esteem.

Keep your pride for now. it will soon be in tatters when Obama wins.

Anonymous said...

@ proud nonamerican -

With sincere apologies, I haven't had this much fun since I wore a "Quayle in '95" t-shirt back in the mid 90's. Regardless of political leaning, the only thing most people saw through their blinders was "Quayle."

Pro-American: Yay
Anti-American: Hiss

I’ve discovered that cluelessness knows no ideology or nationality. Please think about that. Clear as day was the joke. I received a breathtaking lesson in civics as a walking Rorschach blot...

I’ve learned that people generally prefer to see what they wish, rather than what’s actually present. But in doing that, every single one of us gets snagged and falls down that rabbit hole now and then. Never misunderestimate humanity (I love that mangled word...).

So take a stretch, let out a great big breath, poke around the site a bit, soak it in, and then think. Always look before you leap. When anger is blind, humor conquers all...

Even though I was a bit mean, I enjoyed playing with you...

Don’t forget to “Go Palin in '11!” I know in my heart that she’ll be just as successful as Quayle.

Peace.

Anonymous said...

Pro-American:
36% Capitalist High End Tax Rate under Bush.

Anti-American:
39.6% Communist High End Tax Rate under Clinton.

Anonymous said...

hey pissing in your pants anon, who doesn't have the balls to even come out with a name...

Quale!!! Wasn't he the idiot who couldn't spell potato. Figures you'd support him. Like all the guys who say eye-rack are pro-american and those who say it the right way are anti.

Listen, I haven't had such fun either. I was pretty mean myself and I make no apologies for it. baiting you was fun. Revealed the depths of your ignorance.

I soaked in your site and the only thing that amazes me is the breath taking stupidity of you right-wing asshole's world view. Just like a certain miss teen south carolina. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

go rot in hell motherfucker. Your country is all messed up and if you had any brains you'd vote Obama. Looks like most of your countrymen will do just that, unless you crazed rightwingers steal the election.

I will gloat on this site on Nov 4 when Obama wins. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

anti american: ciao, alvida, dasvidania, shabba khair, xiao tia,

Anonymous said...

@ anon...

your post just confirmed what I've known all along...that you are a stupid moronfucker with an IQ (what's that) of 20.

The next presidential election will be in 2012, so it should be 'go palin 12'

idiot...can't even add

Anonymous said...

Mr.Swift,
While I truly appreciate your attempt to help me categorize myself as Pro- or Anti- American, you have left me more confused than ever. With the election less than 4 days away, I need to know which I am so I will know how to vote. I live in a small town, but don't like country music. I pronounce "nuclear" correctly, but I don't like soccer. What am I to do? Some of your commenters have added helpful comparisons as well, but I shop at both Wal*Mart AND Target! Please help.

Anonymous said...

Also you may want to add this to the list:
Pro-America: pro the punishment of criminals
Anti-America: pro killing babies

Get over yourselves, abusing word choice is not that difficult!

Anonymous said...

This is the biggest pile of donkey shit I have ever seen. The whole founding concept of the USA was that you could hold your own views and opinions on anything without being labelled or cast out. Your simplistic and obviously politically motivated interpretation of anti vs pro American is in direct contrast to this ideology of liberty of the founding fathers. Point in fact, the very nature of your blog is itself anti-American since it tramples of the founding fabric of your nation.

Nic Stanley said...

should kill themselves/should help them do it

and so far, we've been pretty good at it

Sumana Gouba said...

I am not a fan of Palin, but this issue isn't really liberal or conservative to me at all. I think Letterman was out of line.

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