Jon Swift's Predictions for 2007

Last year I made eight predictions for the year 2006 and nearly half of them came true, a better average than most psychics. As I predicted, there were no terrorist attacks in Wyoming, the stock market did soar to 10,000 and American troops did leave Iraq, "except for the ones necessary to keep order and prevent civil war." My prediction that Vice President Cheney would resign and that President Bush would appoint Joe Lieberman to take his place sort of came true. Now that the balance in the Senate depends on Lieberman, he has indeed become the second most powerful man in the government, so I should get half credit for that one. I think three and a half out of eight is pretty remarkable. So without further ado are even more predictions for 2007:

• The next six months in Iraq will prove to be critical for determining how the following six months are going to go.
• Over the summer President Bush reads Jean Paul Sartre's No Exit.
• Glenn Reynolds will announce that he has achieved Singularity, exclaiming, "This blog is writing itself!" So many people link to this post that it crashes Instapundit's servers.
• Web 2.1 is released and while it contains a few nice new features and plugs some security holes in Web 2.0, overall it proves to be a big disappointment.
• An increasingly bellicose Switzerland announces plans to develop nuclear weapons.
• ThirdLife, a virtual world for those who are bored with the limitations of their mundane existence on SecondLife, will be the year's fastest growing social networking platform.
• George H.W. Bush will announce that he is running for President in a move widely seen as a sign that he is breaking with some of his son's policies though he won't say so publicly. President George W. Bush pointedly refuses to endorse Bush Sr., saying he wants to learn more about his father's positions on the issues first.
• Barak Obama will announce that he is running for vice president.
• John Kerry repeatedly uses the n-word in a joke gone horribly wrong.
• Ted Haggard emerges from counseling ahead of schedule to announce that he is no longer gay, is becoming a Scientologist and that he will divorce his wife to marry Liza Minnelli.
• Pictures of Rudolph Giuliani in drag will surface, scuttling his plans to run for President.
• Congress will do nothing at all about Social Security or health care.
• Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter will team up to launch a coordinated attack on orphans, calling them "careless" and "whiny."
  
• Temperatures will go down in February causing widespread doubt about global warming, but by July there will be renewed calls to do something about it.
• Time magazine will select itself as Person of the Year.
• In the season finale of Lost we discover that it was all a dream by Hurley who wakes up in Bob Newhart's hotel.
• Guns N Roses don't release their album Chinese Democracy.
  
• Rupert Murdoch crashes his computer while trying to load a page in MySpace and angrily sells the company.
• Increasing strife in the blogosphere leads to the appointment of a Blog Study Group, which proposes dividing the blogosphere into three autonomous Liberal, Conservative and Moderate blogistans.
• Jimmy Hoffa's body will be found in Elvis Presley's grave.
• Recruitment shortfalls lead the Pentagon to hire temps to fill some positions and outsource some work to the Indian military.
• In a historic meeting in Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners sit down together at the table of brotherhood. (However, it's possible that this meeting, which was rescheduled from 2006, may have to be rescheduled for 2008.)
• Beasts ferocious with hunger will cross the rivers, the greater part of the battlefield will be against Hister. Into a cage of iron will the great one be drawn, when the child of Germany observes nothing. I'm not sure what this means, if anything.
• Although my bold prediction last year that "people will develop superintelligent brains that allow them to communicate telepathically and everyone will travel around using fuel-efficient jetpacks" did not pan out (in fact, I think we might have moved backwards in terms of brain capacity), I am very optimistic about this year so I am repeating this prediction for 2007.
• Finally, whatever happens in 2007, you can be sure it would have been a lot worse and more people would have died if we had done something else.
  

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