Epic Fail

Sixth place. Sixth place! Have I not done enough for you people? Have I not done enough reporting for you, at least by Michelle Malkin's standards? Are my posts not long enough? Have I not posted semi-regularly enough? Has my conservatism not been reasonable enough? Have I not not read enough books for you? Is it really too much to ask, to ask you to Go Here and push a little button to vote for me once a day for a week? How hard could that be? And who is this Comics Curmudgeon? The answer to that last question is a very sad tale that involves not only my impending ignoble defeat but also larger issues and much more vulnerable blogs than this one who have unjustly suffered in this year's Weblog Awards.

When President Bush won two elections it restored my faith in the sanctity of the voting process. Then I met the Weblog Awards. Last year, my category was used as the staging ground for a pissing contest between liberals and conservatives, not unlike Berlin in 1948, while the other blogs in the category, including this one, were caught in the crossfire. This year the Weblog Awards have been taken hostage by a lopsided interliberal battle with equally tragic results. In the end one liberal blog has taken ceiling cat-like powers upon itself to determine who shall win and who shall lose, turning what was supposed to be a friendly competition into a mud-slinging contest so unlike the way campaigns are usually conducted in America. And while this one liberal blog stomps around the Weblog Awards like a clumsy giant, the other major liberal blogs remain pathetically silent. Well, if they won't speak up, then I will: J'accuse, Wonkette!

Wonkette's original goal was to defeat The Confluence, which was winning in its category of Best Liberal Blog. The Confluence is a PUMA blog, which are blogs written by bitter and angry former Hillary Clinton supporters who are still getting used to the idea of having a black man in the White House. (PUMA either stands for "Party Unity My Ass" or "People Unable to Mitigate their Anger," depending on whom you ask.) Now I understand that there are many people who disagree with PUMAs, but haven't they suffered enough? Hillary lost and one day they are going to figure that out. I think we should give them a little time to adjust. Just as my grandmother learned to say "colored," they'll come around. And who knows, maybe Larry Johnson at No Quarter will find that "whitey" tape he seems to have mislaid, at least in time for the next election. Who will be laughing then?

But as Wonkette soared past the other blogs in its category, it became tipsy with power and began targeting other PUMA blogs in other categories and it didn't care who got hurt in the process. Soon other categories had its carpets dirtied by Wonkette's mud-splattered wretches. In Best New Blog, the Wonketeers randomly selected a blog, ~synthesis~, which I must say is a very fine blog, and got their legions of readers, who apparently have a lot of time on their hands, to vote for it, in order to defeat UppityWoman08, but at the same time making it virtually impossible for other blogs to win. Can you imagine how these young blogs must have felt, still gaining their sea-legs in the blogosphere, happy to be recognized for their efforts with a nomination, only to have their hopes dashed and get a sad lesson in nasty blogospheric politics? My friend Blue Gal tells me, for example, that Grace the Spot, which I think is a Lebanese blog, is a very deserving blog in that category, and it was doing quite well until Wonkette struck. Grace is understandably not happy with what she called Wonkette's "spiteful shenanigans."

In Best Small Blog, by chance, Wonkette selected Rumproast, which happens to be a great blog that I have also endorsed, but does he really want to win that way? OK, maybe he does, but there are other fine blogs in that category who now don't even have a fighting chance, such as Woman Honor Thyself, who is on my blogroll and has always been very supportive and sweet to me though I know some of my liberal readers (yes, believe it or not, I do have a few!) might disagree with her politics, just as I disagree with theirs but tolerate them anyway because that's the kind of blogger I am.

Because, like Obama, I try to be friendly with those I disagree with, it is especially painful when bloggers I thought were my friends (in an Internet sort of way) send out their vast hordes to humiliate me and other bloggers who never did anything to deserve such treatment. Yes, even this modest blogger who has always considered Wonkette to be a friend of this blog, most recently when they contributed to my year-end roundup, has been a victim of their tactics. Et tu, Wonkette? When they endorsed Comics Curmudgeon, who seems to be nice enough, as Obama might say, though somewhat irascible, in the Best Humor Blog category just because he happens to write for them occasionally, it seemed like an eerie repeat of what happened last year. As I wrote to them, "You was my brother, Wonkette, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You broke my heart! Get the butter!" Sure, I regretted that last Brando movie reference as going over the line, but in my defense, I was angry and writing in haste.

I don't blame the bloggers of indeterminate sex at Wonkette for getting a little carried away and pushing around a few little blogs. I've been tempted to push around a few little blogs myself. And they must be feeling just a little embarrassed because they are now telling their minions to stop voting for them and vote for another liberal blog. So which one do they choose? Talking Points Memo, which hardly needs more recognition.

Even John Yon and John Bolton who once believed passionately in the Unitary Executive Theory of presidential power, are suddenly having second thoughts about whether it's a good idea to give so much power to one man, now that they have had about eight years to think about it. Wonkette needs to learn to wield its power with the same discretion that President Bush has shown. And someone has to speak up and say that in America voting is sacred and shouldn't be allowed to be hijacked by an unruly mob. Imagine if that happened in a Presidential election. I must say the reaction of the other major liberal blogs in Wonkette's category has been pitiful. But even if they are too wimpy to fight for themselves and have abdicated to Wonkette in their own category, why don't they use their vast powers of linkage to help other worthy blogs in other categories and demonstrate to Wonkette by example that power can also be used for good? Perhaps the problem is that some of them are really not that much different from Wonkette when it comes to power wielding.

Sadly, I don't have vast powers of linkage but nevertheless I will do what I can to get my lazy, apathetic, good-for-nothing readers to help out a few other blogs that would just like to emerge from this competition with a shred of their dignity intact. For a full slate of my endorsements go here, but please give the blogs below your special attention (as in my full slate of endorsements, if they contributed to my year-end roundup, links go to the post they considered to be their best of the year):

Best Hidden Gem: Pajama Pundit is doing well and is certainly deserving, but Zuky could use your help. Pajama Pundit is also competing in Best Political Coverage, where it is doing less well, as is Foreign Policy Watch and they could both use some votes.

Best Up and Coming Blog: Both Simply Left Behind and Connecting.the.Dots are good friends of this blog and both have been sadly left behind so far.

Best Midsize Blog: The Sideshow is way behind despite all that she has done for the blogosphere, you bunch of ingrates. And Scholars and Rogues deserves more votes as well.

Best Large Blog: Although several great blogs from my blogroll, including the incomparable Miss Cellania, are competing, skippy the bush kangaroo has done more for the blogosphere than any blog around and he is being trounced by Jammie Wearing Fool, who was quite rude to me when I so graciously linked to him.

Best Very Large Blog: Bitch Ph.D. is one of the few blogs I have endorsed who is actually winning so please send some votes her way so that I can claim it was all because of me.

Best Middle East or Africa: Informed Comment is in third place. C'mon.

Best UK Blog: Olly's Onions' vote total is in the two digits. I am embarrassed for all of you.

Best Technology Blog: Wetmachine deserves to make a dignified showing amidst the megablogs.

Best Video Blog: Hot Potato Mash is near the bottom despite having created all of these amazing videos.

Best Diarist: Are you going to allow Blue Girl to be Dooced?

Best Literature Blog: Diary of a Heretic, the only blogger in the category whose blog consists of her fiction, and Maud Newton are way behind a guy who writes science fiction. Is science fiction even literature?

Best Culture Blog: Barataria is second to last and I am hanging my head in shame.

Best Science Blog: Greg Laden is dead last. Now I am angry.

Best LGBT Blog: Susie Bright is holding up the rear, which would probably have a different meaning on her blog. Help her out.

Best Individual Blogger: Driftglass is in third place and needs a good push to get into first and Field Negro should be doing much better.

Best Liberal Blog: Shakesville has always been very kind about letting me crosspost there and expose its liberal readers to new ideas and Blue Gal has done yeoman's work for smaller blogs in the blogosphere. Both deserve to lose to Wonkette in style.

And, finally, because miracles do happen, vote for Jon Swift here.

Update: Wonkette has now endorsed this modest blog in a fiendishly clever attempt to subvert my righteous indignation.

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