Saturday, March 24, 2007

Sanjaya Must Be Stopped

Last week millions of nervous Americans gathered around their televisions to see if Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old Indian-American contestant with the face of an angel and the voice of…something else, would finally be kicked off of American Idol. But once again Sanjaya defied all expectations and common sense and survived another round in the contest that defines this country as much as Nascar, the Superbowl, presidential elections and monster trucks. It is finally time to acknowledge that the inexplicable and frightening Sanjaya juggernaut has reached crisis proportions and something must be done about it before it is too late.

Sanjaya seems like a nice kid and his singing is really no worse than many pop stars, including American Idol judge Paula Abdul herself. But this is not a small-town talent show we are talking about, it is American Idol, the number one show in the country, and increasingly people around the world are asking themselves, What is wrong with American voters? Have they gone completely insane to vote for someone who is clearly so incompetent and dim-witted and has gotten as far as he has on little more than charm and luck?

"He stunk less than usual," said perplexed conservative pundit Dean Barnett. "One thing that all us Sanjaya-bashers should understand -- there's something about this nice but creepy young man that appeals to a lot of people." Remarked Dr. Steven Taylor: "All of this may indicate that it is a good thing that young folks don't vote en masse in US elections." Blogger and sitcom writer Ken Levine lamented, "Sanjaya is now just humiliating himself every week. This is like when people dress up their dogs."

The Anchoress zeroed in on why the continued success of Sanjaya is so worrisome for our image abroad. "Is it just me or is there a dearth of "manly men" everywhere in pop culture?" she wondered, giving us a glimpse into the thought processes of a cloistered woman who has the time and solitude to contemplate the deepest mysteries of life. "All the men seem to be feminized or wispy-looking…on the radio they all sound like they're 16 years old…whatever happened to manly men in pop music?" If the unthinkable happens and Sanjaya actually wins the competition, what are terrorists going to think of the United States? Will the "feminized" image of Sanjaya displace the swaggering machismo of our President landing on that aircraft carrier in the minds of those who would destroy us? Or perhaps they see us as a nation of crying little girls like the one who was overwhelmed by Sanjaya's performance of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me."

Although it may be true that the little girls understand the charms of Sanjaya, the rest of us are completely in the dark. Theories abound to explain Sanjaya's surprising victories, which may actually have been engineered by our enemies to weaken us. Some believe that Sirius Radio shock jock Howard Stern, who long ago demonstrated his disloyalty to this country when he turned against President Bush, has aided and abetted Sanjaya's success by throwing his support behind the teenager. That theory, however, assumes that Sirius Radio actually has listeners. Others speculate that Indian calling centers have been voting en masse for Sanjaya. "We took away your jobs by dangling better profit margins in the face of your companies and now -- now, we're going to take American Idol!" ominously intoned Indian-American critic Amrita Rajan, whose immigration status should probably be looked into. I don't think I need to point out that Osama bin Laden is hiding in that part of the world and he may even be behind the apparent hijacking of the American Idol vote.

Even more shocking, Vote For the Worst, a website that proudly proclaims to be dedicated to destroying American Idol and possibly our way of life, has been urging its visitors to vote for Sanjaya. "Votefortheworst.com was started in 2004 to support voting for the entertaining contestants who the producers would hate to see win on American Idol," the site explains. "Vote for the Worst encourages you to have fun with American Idol and embrace its suckiness by voting for the people who the general public and the producers are rooting against." Many Americans are understandably outraged. "Thousands of Americans are giving their lives for our country right now," wrote a visitor named Katie. "America is free because of them, and I don't think our founding fathers would see this website as an intelligent use of our democracy. For all those voting for Sanjaya, please don't be ignorant, and remember what is REALLY important in our world and make a difference by helping those who are helping our country."

Katie is right. Our soldiers are fighting in Iraq so that Americans can stay at home and watch America's best and brightest young talents entertain us on television, not to be subjected to the cynical electoral manipulations of those who mock the principles and ideals this country was founded on. Disturbing images of out-of-tune singers on our televisions could have a devastating effect on the morale of our citizens. And imagine if Americans embraced the philosophy of voting for the worst candidate in presidential elections! It's almost too horrible to think about.

Some patriotic Americans are trying to do something to stop Sanjaya. A young California woman has gone on a hunger strike until Sanjaya is voted off and others have joined her. While it is gratifying to know that some Americans have their priorities straight, I'm afraid her well-meaning effort is the wrong approach. A hunger strike is actually an un-American tactic, one that is embraced by leftists and the terrorists at Guantanamo.

Perhaps Fred Thompson, who recently attacked Gandhi, will tackle this even more dangerous menace from the subcontinent. But I think there may only be one solution to the Sanjaya crisis: Intervention by the Supreme Court. They should step in immediately to stop the voting and kick Sanjaya off the show. There is, of course, precedent for the Court's taking action when votes seem to be going the wrong way: the landmark Bush v. Gore decision. In fact, I think the Court should have stepped in earlier to prevent Sanjaya from making it into the Top Ten, which means that he will now go out on the American Idol tour, prolonging America's Tiger Beat nightmare. If the Supreme Court stepped in, it would provide a valuable lesson to nascent democracies in places like Iraq about the limits that sometimes must be placed on voting for the good of the country. And it would reverse some of the damage that has already done to our image abroad before it is irreparably destroyed.

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60 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reality shows like American Idol destroy America's proud literary heritage by discouraging producers from developing great stories. So I'm cool if Howard Stern wants to fart all over Idol. Kinda like this -
http://www.atomfilms.com/film/fartman_caught.jsp

Amrita said...

In the immortal words of Stephen Colbert, India says to you: "Kneel before your God Babylon!"

Amrita said...

PS - you have an invite on my board :) I hope you'll consider it.

weasel said...

Shocking. Will Asian-Americans of all ethnicities stop at nothing to dispel their "braniac" stereotype?

Santosh said...

How is he a menace from the subcontinent when he was born and raised in the US? Seriously, we like him and all but you guys can keep him.

Kevin said...

If the Supreme Court stepped in, it would provide a valuable lesson to nascent democracies...

Forget the Supreme Court Jon... let's go with the US Senate and have them probe this scandal like they were so keen to do with steroids in Baseball. Baseball doesn't even have "American" in it's name... I mean there's the "American League" but "American" s not nearly as prominently displayed as it is in "American Idol". Not only would this show the world that America is serious about entertainment and will not stand to have its entertainment corrupted or undermined... we will also show these fledgling democracies that the purpose of government is to play private investigator and hunt down every possible scandal and subject it to political scrutiny for as long as possible all the while walking a tight rope to ensure that no definitive non-partisan output is ever produced. This is the American jobs engine you see... more scandal means you need people to report on it and talk about it and that gives people with things like soap and sports cars a chance to show the ever interested and serious American public their wares, and of course Americans will buy things they need creating high paying marketing jobs here in America and soap making jobs in some place most viewers of American Idol have never heard of... of course with all of this scandal even the heartiest of citizens needs a bit of respite from it all and that's were shows with "American" in their name come into play... the cycle continues... the fat get fatter.

If other countries would just get their acts together and stop being poor or having their citizens dying from AIDS and starvation and wars and stuff maybe they too could enjoy American Idol, a good scandal, and the leisure time blather on endlessly about it.

Kel said...

I have also come across Olbermann showing a clip which implies that Simon Cowell and the presenter of American Pop Idol are gay! I hate to say it Jon, but this is simply further proof that the US has lost her way!

Oh ye Godless land!

Captain Cox said...

Call center in India??!! He really must go, how is he getting all these votes!?

Swan said...

What explains the failure of the mainstream media to cover the purge scandal for so long, and so many other scandals? Do you think somebody just set up newspaper editors to cheat on their wives, and threatened to tell if the editors wouldn’t play ball when they come back some day and ask for something?

It wouldn’t be that hard to do, when you think about it. People wouldn’t talk about it.

gcw said...

Dear god, this will surely put the Davies boys in their respective graves. I can't believe the show would permit this prepubescent little tramp to cover a Kinks tune.

Have they no shame?

Apparently not...

The Guy said...

Sanjaya's continuance on the show blows away all logic...if it lasts much longer i may have to stop watching

scott1607 said...

Um, I happened upon this blog by mistake and am confused... is this satire or are you truly serious about Sanjaya destroying "our way of life?" I don;t know whether to be mildly amused at a poke at a 17 yr old or mildly alarmed at such aggressive ignorance.

Fruphile said...

I agree with your post for the most part, but I'm sorry to say that America has already decided to "vote for the worst" in the presidential elections, so it's no suprise to me that Sanjaya is still here. I love that this country yields its decision making to preteen/prepubescent uneducated children whose parents obviously have no control over phone use on Tuesday evenings. Perhaps adults in this country need to start taking some responsiblity for their children (as is their job), instead of allowing them to run amok with their cell phones and internet access, voting willy-nilly for any loser who happens to catch there eye. And make no mistake, win or lose the competition, Sanjaya is still a loser. And so am I for that matter, having wasted so much time thinking about this instead of reading my nightly chapter of Dante.

Truthfully though, it's pathetic that Sanjaya has not removed himself from the competition and spared he(and us) the embarrassment. I guess when there is a choice between self-respect and cold hard cash, the cash always wins out. And that my friend, is a sad statement on our fair country. It's obvious, not only from his decision not to step aside, but also from tonight's spectacularly riduculous 'do', that he can no longer bare to look at himself in the mirror.

Anonymous said...

yeah he def needs to get out of there... or if you dont like american idol, you should want him to win.

-PG

Anonymous said...

Hm.
I saw his performance today...

I must say, no question about it anymore.

I mean, he got a mohawk.

And people say it's not about his hair... wow, he himself has just proved that, yes, it absolutely is.

No one can top the mohawk, though.

He's definitely the next idol, and there's nothing we can do about it anymore.

Bill said...

OMG. Now they are worried that Sanjaya will destroy what credibility they think they have....

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/tv/articles/_a/idol-stakes-high-if-sanjaya-wins/20070328065409990001

And did you see his fauxhawk last night. So Stupid.

MR. Bill said...

I have taken a few days off to complete an art commission (a sort of mutant tapestry, if you would)(in sepia tones, my client is colorblind), and, as public radio is in it's Spring Begfest mode, am listening to CNN as much as I can stand.
I, before the 10 o'clock hour, heard a Republican Strategist explain the popularity of Fred Thompson (Lawyer, actor, former Tennessee Senator, Gandhi critic) in the Republican Presidential polling as "no one has really grabbed the Conservative Mantlepiece.."
I was unaware of the existence of a ritual seizing of Interior Ornament as necessary to galvanize (which means 'dip in molten zinc') a Republican Electorate...
And: my favorite mantlepiece from literature:
"He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the mantle-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece.
'Unless you leave this house,' he said,
"I'll send for the Police!'-from "The Mad Gardener's Song", Sylvie and Bruno, Lewis Carrol

Anonymous said...

Bush yesterday, Sanjaya today. Everything said about Sanjaya today by you have been said (in the same vein) about George W Bush - not by the Fox News but the rest of the world.

Is it payback time?

The idea that Indian call centers are hijacking this vote is interesting but nothing surprising. Blame has to be placed somewhere other than home even when the home is crumbling under the hypocrisy.

Anonymous said...

Scott1607. I am mildly aghast that you would use an expression like "mildly alarmed" at all, but paricularly in reference to someone else's "aggressive ignorance."

Dr X said...

Jon,

Until now, I've never watched American Idol - not a single episode. Now, I feel an irresistable urge to watch it so I can see this Sanjaya fellow for myself.

I hate you. You're despicable.

Anonymous said...

Aaaaand, he's through.
Oh, god.

All three of the people who are bottom three are far better than Sanjaya - true, none are exactly the best singers in the competition, but, nevertheless

Anonymous said...

VOTE SANJAYA OR DIE!
http://surrendermartha.com/vsaordit.html

Srikanth Remani said...

The Indian Call Center theory is awful. These Call Centers make razor thin profit margins, and try to monitor the worker productivity like hawks. I just dont understand that few hundred calls to "American Idol" goes unnoticed.

It is un-intuitive to me, for people to assume why Indian-Americans want to showcase a sub-par singer like Sanajaya. The Indian angle is complete myth.

BillyWarhol said...

I felt the same when Jerry Springer + Stacey Keibler the Wrestler got kicked off Dancing with the Stars*

there's really no Justice anymore*

oh thass right Bush + Gonzales already Fired them Trump Style!!

;PPP

Anonymous said...

Vote For The Worst is having a huge success. Check out their new cell phone feature: VFTW on your Cell

Kevin Hayden said...

He's Indian-American? Can't we just kill his buffalo, steal his country, convert him to Christianity and teach him to do those woo-woo-woo Indian songs?

It's either that or we set him up on a new reservation. How about Puerto Rico?

davis fleetwood said...

reality tv has gotten completly out of control. back in 1997 I was the star of a one-person reality TV show called THE HERMIT. Really. I was 27 years old, and I thought I was poised for.... something, I guess.

The show had me locked in a studio apartment with hidden cameras all over the place. Great concept huh? When the show got boring, the producers hired actors to pretend that they were my friends, old lovers, whatever. I kind of lost it. Couldn't tell the difference between my real life and my scripted one. In an act of childish rebellion, I staged a fake suicide for the hidden cameras. I thought it would make a great end to the show. I was 27. Just like Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix and Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison and Andy Kaufman. Okay, Andy Kaufman doesn’t belong in that group. But neither did I. Anyway, I pulled it off. The producers thought I was dead. I escaped. The show- THE HERMIT- never aired. Do you know where the lost tapes are?

Since then, I went underground. For the last ten years, I have lived under an assumed name, held regular jobs, even taught high school. I passed as a regular guy. Recently, however, I have been captured, taken away from my life, and locked up in an apartment by the same captors who had me ten years ago. They say I can't come out. My assumed identity tossed off, I'm a dead man resurrected. Now, in 2007, I am, once again- THE HERMIT.

Hi, I'm Davis Fleetwood, I haven't seen you before. Are you new here?

Watch my show, daily, starting April 11th.

Anonymous said...

If you look at all the contestants in terms of entertainment value, Sanjaya reminds me of the greats from 80s...(I think his voice is still forming, being so young, and he needs a coach)

Even the best of today's singers come across as bores bcos of low stage presence and lack of modern lyrics that are not pan american and simply dont connect with all individuals

I wonder why america is being so hateful to a boy so young!! Have we become a society which finds more pleasure in bringing down others? If so, then fox is right in promoting sanjaya so their show could be promoted as well...

Anonymous said...

You guys just dont get it do you.

People without an agenda vote for the *best* ones every week, not the worst.

People voting for the worst always have an agenda.... same town, same family, same school... same ethnicity maybe.

Sanjaya's survival just goes to show that, among the losers, his constituency is the strongest. But there'll come a time when he goes up against somebody like lakisha or melinda or jordan and that's when his constituency will prove no match for the millions of talent-seeking honest votes.

Till then guys, just chill.

Dean P said...

The problem with asking the Supreme Court to step in is that the decision expressly stated it couldn't be used as precedent. So, you know, when godless liberaly homosexshul heathens wanted to use it (unless I'm mistaken, in the Calif. recall), they couldn't. Alas, such a lack of foresight by the Supremes--had they just known . . .

afv said...

i dont read enough of your posts to know whether this is a satire and/or parody or you're being serious... I sure hope it's the former.

Anonymous said...

I'm voting for Sanjaya without an agenda. I just think it's hilarious.

james higham said...

...the little girls understand the charms of Sanjaya...

... as Jim Morrison would ahve said. And there it is in a nutshell. Fine high-brow entertainment for all.

willis said...

I used to think that "man-gina" should go but now that he's made it this far, he should win.
Maybe next season will be William Hung's come back.

Thatgirl said...

soldiers are fighting in Iraq so that Americans can stay at home and watch America's best and brightest young talents entertain us on television, not to be subjected to the cynical electoral manipulations of those who mock the principles and ideals this country was founded on. Disturbing images of out-of-tune singers on our televisions could have a devastating effect on the morale of our citizens.

Are you for real??

You have either been:
1/ watching far too much television
2/ taking America far too seriously

My god, man! Don't you realize America thrives on this stuff? This is what we are: people who have the time, money, energy, and propoganda machine to relentlessly focus attention on the inane, the absurd, and the vaguely titillating. Where have you been all your life?

And that having been said, I think Sanjaya is a real sweetheart and I am proud to support him.

Jaesoreal said...

I am glad America is full of Katie's to help us keep our reason in these trying days of Sanjaya. I am so behind on reading your blogs! Sorry!

Saskboy said...

At least the Hater sites have funny emails from American Idol-iots.

Anonymous said...

As a South African fan of the show - I find it highly amusing that you Americans take this so seriously. It's a reality show - key word - REALITY. So what if he wins or doesn't ? When the Fabulous Foursome which included Jennifer Hudson were all in the bottom and voted off - there was a huge outcry - racism, stupid public etc etc were blamed. So who are you going to blame now - the public ? Come on! I repeat - it is just a show !
From where I am sitting - in my crime infested , safari lions running outside , home in Africa - I think Americans should expend the same amount of energy in getting their sons and daughters home from the war rather than on a little boy who wants to be America's Idol. A huge LOL to y'all !

MistahCharley said...

Speaking of reality shows, "Dancing with the Stars" still has amputee Heather Mills (formerly Lady McCartney, although they don't mention that) appearing - don't miss it tonight - I won't.

Another good stanza from "The Mad Gardener's Song" by Lewis Carroll, and the one that most pertains to musical performances, is:

He thought he saw an Elephant,
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
'At length I realise,' he said,
'The bitterness of Life!'

[hat tip to MR Bill for reminding us of that neglected poetic masterpiece]

AlisonM said...

The heck with wondering why Sanjaya is still in - why is Hayley still in? (4 reasons, and two of them are her legs, I'm sure. The other two hold no appeal for me.) I haven't heard her hit a single note right since day one. It's painful to listen to. It has nearly ruptured my eardrums on more than one occasion. If Sanjaya dressed more like Hayley, nobody would be trying to get him off the show.

ChilledBeer said...

Jon Swift, my friend :

Do me a favor: Go fuck yourself will ya?

Anything you mofo Americans can do, we Indians can do it better. ANYTHING.

Better live with that fact.

Anonymous said...

"soldiers are fighting in Iraq so that Americans can stay at home and watch America's best and brightest young talents entertain us on television, not to be subjected to the cynical electoral manipulations of those who mock the principles and ideals this country was founded on. Disturbing images of out-of-tune singers on our televisions could have a devastating effect on the morale of our citizens. "

omg hahaha dude which world do u live in man..you appear like a dumb fuck who spends his waking and sleepin hours b4 tv.

"devastating effect on the morale of our citizens"
get a life u moron haha...or go to iraq or the nxt place bush wants to spread terror

"
Perhaps Fred Thompson, who recently attacked Gandhi, will tackle this even more dangerous menace from the subcontinent. But I think there may only be one solution to the Sanjaya crisis: Intervention by the Supreme Court. They should step in immediately to stop the voting and kick Sanjaya off the show"

get a job and a life u racist redneck.

Anonymous said...

now i really hope sanjaya wins, then dumb fucks like you can take your self out of the gene pool ..i sure the world would be a better place thereafter haha

Anonymous said...

Why did you describe him as indian-american? Is he an American or an Indian? It can't be both.

Muhammad Ali Jinnah said...

Hey, badly-disguised-as-anonymous-chilledbeer fellow;

If you read down a few posts you will see that our good friend John Swift urges us all to follow Fred Thompson rather than that hypocritical old splitter M.K. Gandhi.

How you drink your chilled beer with the neck of the bottle so far up your own ass is beyond me.

Namaste,
Muhammad Ali Jinnah (Deceased)

PS: Kashmir is ours.

tinabobina said...

I have some advice for you about this Sanjaya thing.

Quit watching the show.

Really, there are more important things to worry about, like the homeless, the poor, and hurricanes.

Shalamar said...

Seriously, who really Cares about Sanjaya??? Isnt the real story his Sister??? I mean have you seen her? Thats one hot girl. She used to work at Hooters and you can see her Hooters pictures here:

http://jen-makes-u-smile.blogspot.com/2007/03/sanjayas-sister.html

Anonymous said...

India is the greatest country on Earth and voting Sanjaya by the people of America ratifies that. I thnk Sanjaya is very good, charismatic and has the best voice in the competition and he is going to be the next AMERICAN IDOL. I pray to LORD SHIVA to give him more strength.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jinnah, you diseased Paki, if Kashmir is yours how come the maps dont show it ?? It was never and will never be yours so go rot in Hell.

Cruel Critic said...

Sanjaya will take it all!

I promise I'll give him 1,000 calls this week. My sister will make at least 500.

GO SANJAYA! GO, GO, GO!!

Palm Springs Savant said...

hey jon- great blog. love the rant too. stop by and say hi sometime
www.rickrockhill.blogspot.com

Avi said...

Your Post sounds exactly like Andy Myer's 'subversive idol' on the philadelphia inquirer. The similarities are really striking.

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/opinion/20070410_False_Idol.html

Avi said...

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/
opinion/20070410_False_Idol.html

Anonymous said...

Vote Sanjaya Off website!

Check it out!

http://votesanjayaoff.page.tl/

Anonymous said...

Sanjaya is going to win Idol this time people!
Join the movement
click here.

robertherl said...

It show us that in everycorner we need a loser. Or somehow a clown. And Sanjaya is a perfect loser clown.

Ivor said...

The funning this is that Sanjaya accomplished more than almost any of you biggoted, racisst people ever will.

Anonymous said...

Oh you poor poor soul,how do you sleep at night with so much hate in your heart.I can feel you burning day and night with so much hate.You and people like you are a dying breed.Its hard to let go of white supremacy,isn't it?Its hard to let the deserving people take back what you stole from them all over the world.Why have you started this website becuase you love your fellow white American?,but still your ignorant self doesnt know that there are hundreds of thousands of Americans living all around world..you want people to hate them ?..you hate your brothers?

Anonymous said...

America is a great country with some great people. But it nevertheless has this bunch of maniacs who simply can't sit back and see the prize being taken away by Asians, Indians, or whatever.
What a DISGUSTINGLY RACIST writer and what DISGUSTINGLY RACIST views!
The last guy has got it absolutely right: this person & the likes are shitting in their pants that the world is slowly being taken over by non-whites!

Anonymous said...

clarification. when i wrote "this person" i was refering to the blog writer.

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