Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Kennedy for New York Senate

According to the New York Times, an aide to New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is questioning the credentials of Caroline Kennedy to replace Hillary Clinton as Senator from New York if she is confirmed as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration. Cuomo believes he is qualified to be New York's Senator because he was once married to a Kennedy. But that is not enough. New York's next Senator must actually be named Kennedy. The Kennedy name has a "special magic capital," as Maureen Dowd so poetically calls it. But there are other Kennedys who are just as qualified, if not more so, than Caroline. If we really want the best Kennedy to fill Robert Kennedy's old seat, New York Gov. David Patterson should choose conservative former MTV VJ Kennedy.

Those who are lobbying for Caroline Kennedy, such as New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, have their hearts in the right place. They want to find the candidate who will most annoy and embarrass Hillary to replace her. And appointing Caroline would certainly accomplish that. Although she hasn't voted much or been that involved in politics or even studied the issues, she did make Hillary angry when she and her uncle Sen. Ted Kennedy endorsed Obama over Hillary in the Democratic primary. As I explained at the time, "It is not just that Obama reminds them of Kennedy, it is also that the Clintons remind them of Lyndon Johnson. And if there is anything that the Kennedys don't like, it's a bunch of hillbillies in the White House, which is being kept in trust until a competent Kennedy can be groomed to take it back for its rightful owners. Until that time Obama will do." The Clintons, like Johnson, think of politics as mud wrestling or the roller derby, while the Kennedys see it as a friendly game of touch football. So it must have irked them to see Hillary, the Sandra Day O'Clobber of American politics, besmirching the Senate seat that by rights belongs to the Kennedys.

Appointing Caroline Kennedy to the Senate would make the Hillary-haters happy, but I'm afraid it won't annoy Hillary enough. The few abbreviated press conferences Caroline has had, before her aides cut them off, showed that she isn't the most articulate Kennedy in the world. In a Senate committee hearing, Hillary would make mincemeat of her. But former MTV VJ Kennedy has had quite a lot of experience in the spotlight and is quite articulate. The woman who once simulated fellatio with her microphone while interviewing former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani would have no problem taking Hillary on. Who knows what she might do with a Senate microphone. In comparison, Caroline Kennedy seems just too nice and polite and would wilt in Hillary's glare.

Kennedy does not currently live in New York and probably doesn't know much about the issues affecting the state, but as far as I know, actually living in New York has never been a requirement to represent the state in the Senate, and she probably knows as much about New York issues as Caroline does. She has also formulated strong stances on other political issues she would have to deal with as a Senator, something Caroline hasn't gotten around to doing yet. And while appointing Caroline has a certain nostalgic appeal for those who want to bring back Camelot and the 1960s, appointing former MTV VJ Kennedy would hearken back to a time more people remember with fondness, the 1990s, when the stock market was doing well and MTV actually played music videos instead of running endless reruns of badly written "reality" shows.

I'm sure appointing Caroline Kennedy would make Hillary grit her teeth, but appointing a Republican washed-up former MTV VJ with even fewer credentials than Caroline would be a more satisfying slap in the face at Hillary. I agree that insulting Hillary by appointing a Kennedy is important, but we need to make sure it's the right Kennedy.

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SSFC said...

Consider alternative VJs. Fab Five Freddy is an actual resident of New York, and is as well qualified as Caroline. If Governor Patterson were to appoint Freddy, it would restore needed diversity to the Senate in the event that this whole Roland Burris thing doesn't work out.

Julian Meteor said...

The Kennedys in the US are the EXACT equivalents of the Meteors in the UK.

yellojkt said...

I suggest we turn over editing of The Daily Beast to "Downtown" Julie Brown as well. Just like Kennedys, one Brown is just as good as another.

As to your suggestion, would it be in bad taste to get Jello Biafra to compose a campaign song? It would? Excellent! I'll start making the calls.

Mo MoDo said...

Dowd does win some sort of award for managing to slip the phrase "profiles in courage" into her column.

I also say in my blog that perhaps the murderous House of Atreus was not the best mythological comparison to make in regard to the Kennedys.

bandit said...

The few abbreviated press conferences Caroline has had, before her aides cut them off, showed that she isn't the most articulate Kennedy in the world.

Actually they showed she is the most articulate in her extended family - she got thru them without needing to be medicated.

Sam Thornton said...

The important news here is that Jon Swift is in a solid 4th place in the Weblog Awards race with a surging 9.2% of the votes, trailing the leader by a mere 2,388 votes.

I smell an upset. If the lead remains this narrow, a recount is in order, possibly even a referral to the United States Supreme Court.

Go Jon!!!

J. said...

Forget Caroline and Kennedy. I want The Nanny (aka Fran Drescher) for junior senator from New York.

If Sonny Bono and Gopher (aka Fred Grandy) from the "Love Boat" could be U.S. Congressmen, Fred Thompson (aka Foghorn Leghorn) a U.S. Senator, Arnold Schwarzenegger a Governor, and Ronald Reagan President, why couldn't Nanny Fine become a Senator? Lord knows the Senate could use a little comic relief.

More importantly, the Senate would pass her motions in record time, just to get her to shut up.

slag said...

I'm just glad they finally nixed the plan to appoint the Dead Kennedys to the seat. Way too controversial.

James Higham said...

But that is not enough. New York's next Senator must actually be named Kennedy.

Like it.

Carl said...

Maybe this Mr. Kennedy
would be a better choice?

Clark said...

Guitarslinger Pete Kennedy would be my choice for Jr. Senator from New York. Pete can even play the ukulele, which would come in handy at White House soirees during the next four years.

Lesley said...

Nominations are being accepted for the bloggies.

I nominated you in the best humour category. Also, SadlyNo, and TBogg.

Micgar said...

Jon I endorse YOU for Best Humor Blog!

Micgar said...

Who (or what) in the hell is the Comics Curmudgeon? I mean, come on!

Julian Meteor said...

Yeah!!! Comics Curmudgeon????
Sounds like something off Dr Who?!!!!
Do you guys HAVE Dr Who or do they STILL just show Friends and Diff'rent Strokes on a loop on your channel?

Anonymous said...

If it has to be a Kennedy who runs, we should pick a Republican one with conservative values. I do not like music (it is the route of all evil) but I have heard about a conservative christian rock band called the Dead Kennedies. I think we should find one of their band members to become the senator from New York.

I am not sure if they are really dead, or if this is wishful name on our enemies.

There is NOTHING that says the senator has to be a Demofart. Gov. Patterson should, do what good republicans do and perform a "reach around" the aisle and show that the Libs can play in GOP games too.


Julian Meteor said...

Music is NOT the root of all evil.
OWLS are the root of all evil.

Rob Anderson said...

amazing jon

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