I Am Paris Hilton

At the end of the film Spartacus a Roman general stands before a great multitude of slaves captured after their failed rebellion and demands that their leader, Spartacus, identify himself to face execution. Spartacus steps forward and says, "I am Spartacus!" but then one by one the other slaves come forward as well and cry out, "I am Spartacus!" "No, I am Spartacus!" until everyone in the crowd is echoing his name.

In Los Angeles a judge ordered Paris Hilton to come before him and just like those Roman slaves in Spartacus, I, along with millions of Americans, cry out, "I am Paris Hilton!"

What has always made America different from other countries is that every citizen has an equal opportunity to become rich or, at least, to inherit great wealth. That is the American dream. That is why most Americans oppose high taxes for the wealthy and death taxes because they know that someday they might be well off themselves.

But the tragic saga of Paris Hilton has shattered that dream. How can we possibly have faith in the American system of justice when we see that despite having access to the best lawyers money can buy, Paris Hilton can be treated so cruelly? What hope do we have for the future when we see that even if we become a wealthy celebrity, we might still be subject to the harsh vagaries of the law.

First they came for Paris Hilton and I did not speak up because I was not Paris Hilton.

Well, I am speaking up now because I am Paris Hilton!

Who among us cannot imagine ourselves in Paris Hilton's Manolo Blahnik pumps? It does not stretch the imagination to see ourselves driving our Bentley to buy a cheeseburger late at night and getting pulled over for the second time in less than a year and charged with driving without a license after it was suspended for driving while intoxicated. There but for the grace of God, go I.

The judge in Paris Hilton's case, Michael Sauer, has declared class warfare. If our courts start treating rich and poor equally, what will be left to strive for? People will start believing that justice should just be given away for free. It will become yet another entitlement. When the haves become indistinguishable from the have-nots, we are all have-nots. On a level playing field no one can rise to the top because there is no top to rise to, just one long valley.

I am especially shocked at how some of my fellow conservatives have suddenly joined the ranks of class warriors. "Pardon me for injecting a little conservative thought into all of this, but I have very little sympathy for Ms. Hilton," said Ed Morrissey of Captain's Quarters, sounding more like a Bolshevik than a real conservative. "She has had all of the advantages possible in society, and has shown herself contemptuous to any sense of responsibility." Andrew Sullivan seems positively gleeful at her plight. "Whoever doesn't feel an ounce of pleasure at the sight of this mega-rich non-entity finally being treated with a modicum of justice has surely lost the capacity to feel anything," he says. Jules Crittenden gets it right when he says this is all about "class warfare" but then shockingly invokes the hoariest liberal clap-trap, writing, "Like the lefties like to say about murderers, rapists, etc., society made her what she is." There is something very wrong with the heart of conservatism today when the words of our greatest conservative thinkers are indistinguishable from those of Al Sharpton or a Marxist university professor. Even John Podhoretz seems more confused than usual.

As one of Podhoretz's readers tries in vain to point out, illegal aliens are treated better than Paris Hilton and they shouldn't have any rights at all. Her crack team of expensive lawyers has been reduced to the desperate legal ploy of filing a writ of habeas corpus, as if Paris Hilton were some kind of terrorist. Our system of justice is certainly broken when an American citizen has nothing left to turn to but this outdated legal maneuver, which I thought had been suspended. Habeas corpus literally means "have the body" and I don't need to point out the sad irony of such a phrase being invoked in Hilton's case. Meanwhile, one Paris Hilton fansite believes her civil rights have been violated and says that the judge may be in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act for retaliating against her because she is "mentally upset."

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde on the death of Little Nell, one must have a heart of stone to read of the incarceration of little Paris Hilton without weeping. "Mom, Mom. It's not right," she cried when a judge ordered her back to jail to spend 45 harrowing days with people who can only afford public defenders. "And after all the money we spent," said Hilton's outraged mother at her sentencing. If this is the kind of society we live in, then we might as well all be making the minimum wage.

If this travesty of justice is allowed to stand, then someday it could be you or me. If Paris Hilton is just one of us, then someday we might all be Paris Hilton. That is why I step forward today and proudly proclaim, "I am Paris Hilton!"

Photo of Paris Hilton by Nick Ut, who took this picture 35 years ago to the day after he snapped this Pulitzer Prize-winning photo of a napalmed Vietnamese girl. If that isn't an example of the American Dream, I don't know what is.

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