Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Jamie Leigh Jones Undermines the War Effort

Rusty Shackleford at The Jawa Report, Curt at Flopping Aces and former humor blogger Ace of Spades (who recently won the Weblog Award for Best Conservative blogger) are three of the most respected conservative bloggers in the blogosphere. They will stop at nothing to protect America from terrorists. If they gave medals for bravery in a war you are not actually fighting in, these guys would win hands down.

A recent story sorely tested their dedication to the war effort, but all three stepped up to the plate and showed just how far they are willing to go to defend America. Jamie Leigh Jones, a contractor for Halliburton/KBR, says she was gang raped by her co-workers, locked in a shipping container and threatened by her bosses. She was finally rescued by the State Department after she got word to her father who contacted Republican congressmen Ted Poe. If true, the story makes Halliburton/KBR look really bad and the fact that a Republican congressman and the State Department got involved lends some credence to her story. But Shackleford, Curt and Ace did not let that stop them from reflexively defending the military contractor and accusing this woman of being a liar in order to support the war effort. They saw that there was something fishy about the story, besides the fact that it is bad PR for Halliburton/KBR.

Although Shackleford, Curt and Ace don't know anything about the case other than what they have seen on the Internet, they apparently do read mystery stories. Anyone who has read detective novels knows that when all the evidence seems to be pointing one way, you can be sure that what the evidence is telling you is the exact opposite of the truth. Usually, the detective reveals this twist at the end, but Shackleford, Curt and Ace decided to skip right to the last chapter instead of waiting to see what other evidence comes out before drawing any conclusions. Ace, quoting his doppelganger the Church Lady, says Jones' story is "too convenient." Curt, who supports actor Fred Thompson for President, says it sounds "too movie like." Shackleford, no doubt wrinkling his brow and rubbing his beard thoughtfully as the wheels spin in his brain, if he has one (a beard, that is), writes, "It's perfect. Too perfect."

Indeed, if the terrorists wanted to undermine the war effort and destroy Western Civilization as we know it, this would be the perfect way to do it. Find an intelligent, attractive young woman to claim she was gang raped by contractors who work at the Vice President's company, and then get a Republican congressman and the State Department to back up part of her story. It's brilliantly evil and almost foolproof! There was just one thing these clever terrorists didn't count on: bloggers like Shackleford, Curt and Ace who would see right through their fiendish plan.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of credulous people out there even on the right. Chris Jones at Red State says he believes her story and is outraged. He doesn't mind if Halliburton/KBR employees rape and murder Iraqis, but he absolutely puts his foot down when it comes to raping Americans. That is going too far. Ben Domenech says he knows several women, including his own sister, who have told him about the "disturbing" treatment of American women working in Iraq and so he tends to believe her as well. Clearly, Domenech's objectivity has been tainted by actually talking to people who have been to Iraq, instead of just talking to himself like Shackleford, Curt and Ace do.

Because Congress wrote a law exempting the alleged perpetrators from prosecution Jones is suing the company for damages. Halliburton/KBR has offered a fair compromise. The company wants to settle the case in arbitration, where records would be sealed, and spare Jones all the bad publicity that would ensue when they attack her reputation in a public trial.

The more you learn about her story the more difficult it is to believe. Although there was a rape kit that confirmed she was sexually assaulted, it was lost and found again and the doctor who performed it doesn't remember doing it. "I have no idea which rape victim you are," the doctor told Jones, "because so many young contractor girls were raped after drinking with the guys…. I performed so many rape kits in the six months that I was stationed there that there would be no way to recall whom yours was." It seems to me the testimony of the doctor alone casts doubt on her allegations and exculpates Halliburton/KBT. Case closed.

Even if her story is true, you have to wonder why Jones doesn't just keep her mouth shut like all the other women the doctor says have been raped in Iraq. Doesn't she realize that such an incendiary charge just gives aid and comfort to the enemy? How can we convince Iraqi women like the young women of Basra -- where 40 of them have been murdered for dressing contrary to Islamic law -- that replacing Saddam Hussein's secular government with an Islamic government actually makes them more free, if American women are not willing to make a few sacrifices to get this message across?

It's not like we are asking only this woman to make a sacrifice for the war effort. Milbloggers like Shackleford are making sacrifices, too. Shackleford really doesn't like attacking an alleged rape victim and trashing her before all the facts have come out. He would prefer we not return to "the not so distant past when some argued that the victim somehow brought the crime on themselves." He thought that we had moved on from that time. "Questioning a rape victim is akin to a second rape," Shackleford writes. "Or so I was always taught." But if protecting America from terrorists means subjecting a woman to something akin to a second rape, then Shackleford, like Curt at Flopping Aces and Ace of Spades, is prepared, however reluctantly, to do his sad duty. Sacrifices must be made. Things are different now. 9/11 changed everything.

Update: Bob Owens, a.k.a. Confederate Yankee, the blogosphere's Miss Marple, is on the case. If anyone can find a link between Jones and the terrorists, he can.

Update 2: Michelle Malkin and Ted Frank at Overlawyered join the fray.

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128 comments:

Bonnie said...

Keeping her mouth shut and sacrificing her sanity and well being just so contractors can look good to the Iraqi people is ridiculous and unconscionable, as if rape is something that you just "get over". Whether or not she's lying isn't even the issue, it's opinions like this that keep one-third of all rape victims silent. Let your daughter get raped, and tell her to keep her mouth shut for the greater good.

Carl said...

This is sad, that such a lovely young women could cause such disconcert on the right wing blogosphere.

Mr Swift, as always, presents a perfectly logical solution to the rather sticky (if I may be permitted the pun) situation.

Rather than cry foul over what I'm sure Rush Limbaugh will detail as mere "horseplay" of the kind one can find at a fraternity on a Friday night, Miss Jamie Leigh Jones could simply cowgirl up and keep quiet about it, allowing her attackers to get away with it, and giving them comfort that, indeed, she enjoyed it.

Undoubtedly, she was wearing a mini-skirt and heels when she was attacked, rather than dressing "in country" in a burqa, which would have deterred any notion of attack by these high-spritied lads.

But then, isn't that the job of women, particularly in the middle east and certain fly-over states here in America: when rape is inevitable, as Confuscius said, lie back and enjoy it?

L-girl said...

Thanks for posting about this.

Phillybits said...

Well said, Jon.

ZenYenta said...

Just because American women don't have to cover themselves head to toe in yards of concealing fabric doesn't mean that we shouldn't. Clearly being young and good looking amounts to creating an attractive nuisance under the law. Ms. Jones and the other rapees are lucky those contractors aren't suing THEM for turning otherwise upstanding mercenaries into brutal criminals with by means of female hotness.

Verlin Martin said...

bonnie: Swift is not being serious in that line, read his blog more often and you'll see that.

Just as with any rape case, it is far better to actually find out the facts before decrying judgment on either side.

Is this woman's account true? I have no idea, but hopefully an investigation will reveal the facts. If true, heads will need to roll and roll far, if false; no clue what to do there, most false cases simply disappear for the accuser.

Anonymous said...

Thank God for Ace, whose well documented disdain for vaginas allows him to see clearly past this treasonous wench's lies.

Cernig said...

Jon, you're a national treasure. I'm sure Rusty and Ace would agree you should be kept in an airless vault, certainly. :-)

Warmest regards, C

Erik said...

The reason this is the only political-tpe blog worth reading is that all of the other political blogs are put into into the right perspective - we only see them when they are stupid enough to be outrageously funny. All that boring filler inbetween is removed.

My only advice for Jon is that spending some time taking on Wall Street might be rather productive 'bout now.

kathleenmaher said...

Are these bloggers the same ones who screamed in outraged denial when a solider told the press:
War is dehumanizing?

Anonymous said...

I just got back from a year in Baghdad…and something about her story doesn’t make sense — specifically: Why would the hospital entrust the rape kit to Halliburton?

In theater, sensitive materials are not delivered by contractors — they are put into the U.S. postal service as registered mail (return receipt with signature), which in Iraq is handled by U.S. military (Army, Navy and/or Air Force) postal units, until either being delivered in theater, or custody of the mail is given to U.S. Post Office civilians (NOT CONTRACTORS) for delivery out of theater.

This leads me to question the whole story.

We have a lot of people REALLY wacky people on the loony left, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find one motivated enough to go through all the hassle of going to Iraq just to give grounds for such an accusation.

It will be interesting to find out what groups she was involved with in college. If it turns out that any of them are leftist/democratic-party affiliated, then I’ll bet my life savings that the accusation was planned out before she ever left the states.

There is a possibility that her accusation is true… I met a lot of KBR employees, and they are almost all ex-military, and wouldn’t even dream of such a thing. I can imagine ONE bad apple slipping through the cracks…but enough for a GANG RAPE…and all working on the same base, and living in the same area, and all off duty at the same time, and being in the same area at the same time?

Too many coincidences…WAY too many coincidences to accept this accusation at face value. My gut feeling from my experiences in theater is that the probability of this being a well-planned hoax is over 98%,

Carl said...

Anon,

From all accounts (to this point), she is a Republican, and supported the war.

So she had it coming, since she should have known better not to wear a burqa and keep her mouth shut in the presence of men like yourself.

JasonC said...

i support the duke lacrosse players.

Autumn Harvest said...

Ugh. I appreciate that any topic can be an appropriate subject of satire, but I feel like something's wrong with this post and the ensuing discussion. It's a little too much making a light of a gang rape. I know this criticism can be leveled at half your posts---making light of torture, making light of the Kafkaesque legal black hole at Guantanamo, etc. . . So I'm not sure I have a good rationale for my dislike, but this post really just doesn't sit with me right somehow. Yeah, everyone's a critic---I'll shut up now.

As for the asshole commentators who immediately remind us that she might be lying, I have to ask if you're consistently such assholes with every crime victim. I mean, every time you hear about distraught parents whose children were kidnapped, do you immediately respond with "They might be lying about the kidnapping. Don't forget Susan Smith!" Not that would make you any less of an asshole; I'm just curious if you're consistently an asshole, or selectively an asshole about rape victims.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

Thanks to the patriotic efforts of those brave homefront bloggers, this treasonous wench will soon share the fate of Jamal Hussein, the brain-damaged Maryland boy who dared to criticise the noble president's SCHIP veto and anyone else who claims that this is not the best of all possible worlds. I can't wait until Michelle Malkin picks up on this! Why, perhaps Jamie Leigh Jones might even be turned over to Saudi Arabian authorities the way that other slut who alleged gang rape was. And thus does the modern American system of justice triumph again!

Houston said...

I always thought Jamie Leigh Curtis was an actress? What's she doing working for KBR? Then I noticed that I had not finished reading her name, much like I seldom finish Mr. Swift's posts. You really do have to stay for the entire show if you're going to figure out how it ends.

Brilliant writing, by the way, sir. Brilliant. My favorite line:

"Shackleford, no doubt wrinkling his brow and rubbing his beard thoughtfully as the wheels spin in his brain, if he has one (a beard, that is), writes, ..." THAT was well said, or written, as it were.

To the commenter who questioned the appropriateness of this subject, all I can say is really?

Bernoldus Niemand said...

This foul harpy should be waterboarded by Dick Cheney himself! Her dastardly attempt to besmirch the good name of Haliburton must fail. A rape accusation is not something that you just "get over". We must recognize that these men, whether they are guilty or not, instead of looking forward to Christmas, these men are bravely working through the trauma of these accusations. So doing, Jamie Lee Curtis has not only hurt the war on terror, but has also struck a blow for the war on Christmas.

Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said...

Strange and uneasy world - the world of Halliburton.

Anonymous said...

Boy am I sorry I ran across this entry in your blog. You guys are buffoons.

Michele

kulkinator said...

Autumn Harvest....

How DARE we question a rape-accuser????

Well, you see, if the false reporting of rape were similar to that of other crimes (4%), I would tend to believe her right off the bat.

But the thing is, a FEMALE New York City prosecutor stated that 40% of rape accusations are PROVEN false.

A study by Purdue University showed that 40% of rape accusations are later recanted.

Now, with those two statistics in mind, depending on what the overlap is between proven-false accusations, and recanted accusations, the false accusation rate for rape is somewhere between 40% and 80%.

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her.

In other words, not only is it well-documented that women make false rape accusations, but they flagrantly flaunt the power to use a false rape accusation as a weapon against men.

So... considering that her story is full of all sorts of inconsistancies.... which really test the ability to believe her story... I'm DEEPLY suspicious.

And by the way, why does her diary not list a single NAME of any of the firemen who she accuses of partaking in this rape? She states in her diary that she had almost a week earlier developed a good social relationship with them.

So why does her pleading list them as four John Does?

She didn't record *ANY* names of her attackers???

Very, very, VERY fishy.

Not to mention her story that after calling her dad, State Department personnel from another base came to get her out of the Connex.. That makes no sense. In Iraq, the lead time for planning and mandatory paperwork and briefings before any ground vehicle patrol leaves a base is 48-hours. Given delays of her calling dad calling congressman calling state department calling baghdad embassy... we're supposed to believe that the state department got people there lickity split in under 24 hours.

Sorry. Been there, I know how shit works, and it just does NOT ring true.

Besides, since KBR only works on bases where military personnel are located...and there are MP's on EVERY base in and around Baghdad, especially in the Green Zone... why exactly didn't someone just call the MP's at her base?

Surely even a 19-year old can tell the difference between an MP *soldier* and a state department *CIVILIAN*

And where did KBR get an armed guard to keep her in the conex? KBR personnel don't have weapons.

There too many things in her story which, to anyone who has spent time in Iraq, come off as utter and complete fabrications.

Carl said...

I'm merely saddened that this has happened to a 20 year old white Republican wife of an active duty soldier who followed him to iraq by voluntarily asking for a job with KBR-Halliburton, so that she could be near him if there was any trouble.

It's sad to see young right-thinking white women besmirched so, but she should have known better, that as soon as the accusation went public, she'd be culled from the herd like damaged goods, and left for the jackals to eat.

Carl said...

Kulkinator has a point:

Nevermind that the doctor testofies that there was a positive hit on the rape kit! There are no names, so obviously her story is a fabrication!

Come on! Faith over science, folks! That's what we conservatives are all about!

TG Moxley said...

Hmm. My stupidity sense is tingling. When it comes to people who don't get Mr. Swift's humor, I vastly prefer those who take umbrage to those who nod along in agreement. I mean, that takes a kind of double cluelessness, doesn't it?

Bataille said...

Autumn Harvest, I agree. I don't find Jon's post problematic, because he is not talking about the rape, really, but about the discussion surrounding it. The rest, I'm not sure. Jon's post is insightful and well-crafted, but to think it is "funny" gets my hackles up. Rape is never funny. We all know what it is like to worry about violence walking down the street at night, but it is qualitatively different for women who have to fear not just getting mugged or beat up, but who have to fear being raped in a society where there is slim chance for justice or protection, or when any accusation ever comes up, the specter of that ridiculous duke case looms. We should all be disgusted that rape happens at all in developed societies, let alone in Iraq.

Jon's satire shows how unconscionable media commentators are. Most often his posts are funny. I did not find this one funny, however excellently written. I would say that it was more interesting, than anything. I think this is probably more my issue. I find it hard to laugh about a story so horrendous. Rape is the one thing that I find is a litmus test for how well a society is adjusted. The satire of the commentators of this thread just seems a little off to me. I can't figure out why. Perhaps it seems derivative in a way that makes their posts seem more like a pile on, than challenging. It just reminds me of the history of how people like to pile-on rape victims. Maybe that's what bothers me.

As for those nay-sayers, like kulkinator and (Mr.) oh-so-anonymous: it is nice that you can stand on your high horse and issue judgements from your sense of male privilage. This allows you to blissfully ignore the kinds of things that run counter to your word view and see only those things that "fit" your predetermined understanding. Lucky you. I've traveled quite a bit, but what I've noticed is that some people see what they want to see. Sure, you have one source for false rape accusations that fits your views. What about all the others? did you care to see what actual scientific data was available instead of some hearsay from, *gasp*, a woman. How much veracity is there to the lawyer's claim? Did you check it out? Others in Iraq have had very different experiences than you. For example, some have actually talked to women who never walk alone in the green zone. Not because of terrorists, but because of their "fellows". How do you explain this? Their wrong, I'm right? At least you can sleep at night.

new day said...

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her.

Hmmm. I have never heard a woman say "I'll scream rape." It may just be that we run in different circles; or then again, maybe you should reconsider your style of "opposing."

liquiddaddy said...

Jon,

I think Anon 1:51 has it totally right: we need to examine her panties. For a while, maybe longer. In great detail.

And Michelle Malkin should cruise her Houston neighborhood; go through her trash (not just for panties); talk to people that might know her, and find out for sure what her politics are.

I just got back from Iraq, too. There is no doubt in my mind that the KBR guys are true blue. When not in a cuddle puddle sharing photos from back home, they are handing out soccer balls and sweets to the children, and sharing snicker doodle recipes.

Sex in her rear-end? Impossible, only homo's do that!

This just another Move On.org smear job.

LD

fish said...

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her.

I suspect this might be true for kulkinator.

Or perhaps he too is a writer of the absurd:
And where did KBR get an armed guard to keep her in the conex? KBR personnel don't have weapons.

Now that is some funny writing.

Carl said...

I, for one, have lost track of the number of times a KBR employee has shouted "Where's my fucking rifle?"

Anonymous said...

The posts on this page are ridiculous and embarassing to the America that you all state this woman is not defending. If this was a woman in your family, you would tell her to stay quiet? If your son took part in a gang rape, you would your defend him as he held down a woman a violated her body? The label of American does not allow a man to have impunity over the laws of society. No woman deserves to be brutalized. End of story. If you are all so sure that these men were just doing what came naturally to their proclivities, you all spend time with some real bottom feeders.

Anonymous said...

You are all bat-shit crazy. I take solice in knowing there is a special place in hell for all of you.

moneymonk said...

Thank goodness this woman hasn't effected your 401(k)s. If that were the case, even those insane liberals would be out to discredit her.
I, on the other hand, learned my lesson about investing in anything named HAL, and have sunk my entire fortune in laserdiscs and BETAMAX ...thus I'm totally above the fray.

new day said...

Betamax?! Sorry monkeymonk, I'm afraid anonymous is right this time; you are batshit crazy. Everyone knows that the only sound place to invest one's retirement is in a complete collection of Hummel figurines.

PaminBB said...

I too was struck by the following comment of kulkinator. He might want to brush up on his interpersonal relationship skills.

"I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her."

The cited Purdue study also indicates that most recanted allegations related to wanting to get back at the accused for personal reasons. However, since the accused rapists have not been named, it is difficult to assign a motivation in this instance.

Another statistic on false rape accusations:
http://backissues.cjrarchives.org/year/97/6/rape.asp
"But the FBI has been saying since 1991 that the annual rate for the false reporting of forcible sexual assault across the country has been a consistent 8 percent (through 1995, the most recent year available). ...The agency's guidelines define a report as false when an investigation determines that no offense occurred."

Ferd said...

To Kulkinator
Dear Sir,
Your statistical analysis is without par. You sir, are a master debator, able to through out statistics like bathwater.

The additive function of your numbers (40% of A + 40% of B = 80% of AB) demonstrates skills that bode well for your ability to carefully analyse the data, evidence and proof in this case.

To quote you:
"But the thing is, a FEMALE New York City prosecutor stated that 40% of rape accusations are PROVEN false.

A study by Purdue University showed that 40% of rape accusations are later recanted.

Now, with those two statistics in mind, depending on what the overlap is between proven-false accusations, and recanted accusations, the false accusation rate for rape is somewhere between 40% and 80%."

This only applies to where a recanted accusation must be equal to a false accusation.

Since the reasons for recantation are wide, and include things such as trauma, family/societal pressures, actual false accusations [it does happen], and the recognition of the inability to prosecute a case to conclusion, use of that statistic is meaningless.

You equally fail to add in any statistic on the rate of rapes not reported, not able to be investigated, not able to be prosecuted etc. The cases in which there has not been a reported accusation will skew the data on whether or not a rape has occured.

40 to 80% of rape accusations are false -per you- is not a realistic number ragarding actual rape statistics. It is bafflegab thrown out to confuse the mentally challenged.

Proud Vet said...

You got to be the biggest ass I've ever heard. You make me sick thinking you and I are of the same gender. Hope this never happens to a child of yours. On second thought lets hope you've been neutered so there won't be more like you.

DISGUSTING!!!

TG Moxley said...

See what I was talking about? The people who are clueless-but-outraged are downright pleasant compared to the clueless-and-in-agreement contingent.

Oh, and I have to agree with Autumn Harvest and Batille: Jon's post is witty, but witty in a way that makes you feel nothing but anger and disgust. The phrase "smiling through clenched teeth" was tailor-made for such a situation.

Anonymous said...

if only our servicemen could enjoy the immunity of our contractors...

General Kell "ogg" Brownroot said...

There simply has never, ever been a documented case where any Halliburton employee has ever broken any law whatsoever.

The case in point makes a perfect example. It is not against Iraqi law for KBR employees to rape women in Iraq. And American law doesn't apply to military contractors in Iraq. So rapin' and pillagin' in Iraq comes as natural to a KBR fellow as it does to the Mel Brooks' outlaws in Blazing Saddles.

This is the same principle that allows Halliburton to embezzle billions of dollars in Iraq. Cause it's not against the law for them to do so.

A different legal principle governs the behavior of former Halliburton CEO Richard Cheney. As Vice President, no laws anywhere apply to him. It's not illegal if the Vice President does it. Just like it's not illegal if Halliburton does it in Iraq.

All Americans are equal under the law. It's just that some Americans are more equal than others. And Americans contractors in Iraq are the most equal of all. Except for Republican Presidents and Vice Presidents.

LarryE said...

In reference to the "false claims of rape" business, I first find it interesting that the same few arguments are made whenever this comes up, often in (albeit not here) almost exactly the same words. A nice, dismissive, memorized litany.

But those sources are unreliable. The "Perdue study" was done by a man named Eugene J. Kanin and suffered serious methodological flaws that should have been obvious at a first glance. For example, he equates withdrawn charges with false charges. Since the only way for a woman to withdraw the charge was to say the rape didn't happen, that equation obviously conflates false claims with cases where the woman just gave up. That's particularly important because he notes that in many of the withdrawn charges, police had doubted the story from the beginning but makes no attempt to determine what if any effect facing such skepticism would have on a decision to withdraw a charge.

The "New York City prosecutor," Linda Fairstein, provides even less support since it develops that her figure includes any case that was dropped for lack of evidence. That is, she equated "can't prove it" with "didn't happen," which is obviously false.

I'll make those two other comments:

I can imagine ONE bad apple slipping through the cracks…but enough for a GANG RAPE…and all working on the same base, and living in the same area, and all off duty at the same time, and being in the same area at the same time?

I guess you believe that Abu Ghraib never happened, either. All those "bad apples" in one place on one shift, etc.? Impossible!

KBR personnel don't have weapons.

Uh-huh. Perhaps they aren't issued weapons, but don't have then? Speaking of fishy....

Nod Nod Wink Wink said...

Kulkinator sounds like a pro to me.

Patrick said...

You are an ass, and a perfect example of what is wrong with this country. You make me sick.

Kate said...

I have to say, as a DV/SV advocate, I saw the blog title and decided to read prepared to be horrified by what I was sure would be some conservative victim blaming. I am plesantly surprised and appreciate the wit of your post calling out those conservative bloggers which gave me my first gut reaction and which you so articulately called out in your blog. Good work.

Anonymous said...

You describe yourself as reasonable.
This post, however, proves you're insane.

kamakula said...

KBR is infallible. Before Dick Cheney was raptured into the vice president's office, he told his disciples at Halliburton, "what you bind in Iraq shall be bound in the Congress and what you loose in Iraq shall be loosed in Congress". So, all of KBR's activities by the doctrine of VP infallibility are righteous.

You are a brainwashed schill said...

This post is fucking bullshit and you are a moron. Do you realize how insane you sound?

Anonymous said...

is this a parody site making fun of a tragedy?
how sick and depraved!
btw if those three cowards named in the first paragraph really wanted top protect america they would have signed up a long time ago

Angela said...

*sigh* Why is it so many people think satire equates to "haha." To make an obvious point skull-crackingly clear, let's consider the where OUR Jon Swift got his name - famous 18th century satirist Jonathan Swift. You know, the guy who wrote "A Modest Proposal," which satirically suggested eating poor people. Was it supposed to be funny? NO!! It was supposed to make a point, and it did. Brilliantly.

In conclusion: Satire =/= Haha. Satire = bitingly insightful commentary told from the assumed perspective of the morons being satirized.

And how anybody can read a blog entitled "Jon Swift" and NOT realize it's commentary, I have no idea.

Thank you for a cutting, wonderfully sculpted critique, Jon. Do you have to deal with this sort of mind-numbing stupidity on every post? I'm not a regular reader, I just hopped over from Crooks and Liars.

Then again, supposedly there are conservatives out there who think Stephen Colbert is on THEIR side, so...

Rob said...

Are people actually so deficient in cognitive ability that they do not understand that concept of a satirical blog?

Splendid One said...

"I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, 'I'll scream rape' as a threat to opposing her."

Huh? I'm 60 years old, pretty well-traveled and experienced, a Vietnam vet whose been married twice, this last time now for 30 years. When I wasn't married, I was a pretty active dater. In all of my jobs I have worked in organizations with many women as collagues.

I have never, ever heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape," in any circumstance, much less as a threat to me.

What kind of life you would have to have led to have heard it so many times you have "lost count" is beyond my imagination.

Todd Bishop said...

Wow wow wow the comments over at Ace's are pretty appalling. They're totally convinced that the woman made the whole thing up- based on "reasoning" like she has breast implants so she must be crazy and therefore lying. Anyone who dares suggest otherwise is made the object of rape jokes or is told to go commit suicide.

L-girl said...

"But the thing is, a FEMALE New York City prosecutor stated that 40% of rape accusations are PROVEN false."

This is a lie.

I've worked with Linda Fairstein, the female prosecutor to whom this refers.

40% of the rape charges in her office had to be downgraded to things like "aggravated sexual assault" and "sexual misconduct with assault and battery" in order to ensure conviction. That's extremely common, and refers to a standard of proof and legal definitions, not the act that occured, and not the victim's truthfulness.

The charges in these 40% of cases were NOT proven false. There were convictions, and of serious crimes.

The statement of this commenter is obviously an intentional distortion. A lie.

L-girl said...

"What kind of life you would have to have led to have heard it so many times you have "lost count" is beyond my imagination."

A life of fantasies and lies. It's safe to assume this commenter has never heard this, ever, unless he was attempting to force sexual activity on a woman, and then she'd have said the right thing.

L-girl said...

Are people actually so deficient in cognitive ability that they do not understand that concept of a satirical blog?

Yes.

purvis ames said...

"I just got back from a year in Baghdad…and something about her story doesn’t make sense — specifically: Why would the hospital entrust the rape kit to Halliburton?"

Listen, Mr/Ms Anonymous

The kit wasn't handed over to Halliburton by the hospital. It was handed over by Condoleezza Rice. I just can't imagine why Topsy ewould do something like that.

purvis ames said...

Man, this post is like a troll suicide charge. Keep up the good work, Jon.

FortunaLee said...

>> Rob said...
Are people actually so deficient in cognitive ability that they do not understand that concept of a satirical blog?

Rob -

Yes.

'Tis sad, is it not? Satire, like lacemaking, is a dying art.

Fortunalee

Mike said...

Holy incomprehension!

(And by that, I of course, mean "Merry Christmas," lest anyone think I'm not a reasonable conservative myself.)

Carl said...

Splendid One said...
I have never, ever heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape," in any circumstance, much less as a threat to me.


Yes, but you're not a rape-bent Neaderthal...

In short, there's probably a reason that commenter has heard it over and over again.

Carl said...

Angela said...
In conclusion: Satire =/= Haha. Satire = bitingly insightful commentary told from the assumed perspective of the morons being satirized.


People assume wit=comedy. It does not.

moneymonk said...

New Day-

Jane Goodall and Diane Fossey are MONKEY monks. I am MONEYmonk. that's what you call me, or monk, or his monkness, or el moneymonk-a-rino if your not into the whole "brevity thing".
anyway, at least we both agreed not to touch the actual content of this post with a 10-foot cyber pole. like most reasonable conservatives, i deal with sensitive racial and sexual issues most effectively if i simply ignore them, and get miffed when others even attempt to address them. wine with your cheese?

CorPARAnoid said...

What IF, It’s worse than U think?
What IF this HAS been going on 4 a While.
What IF They HIRED her, because she FIT the BILL — Beautiful and Blond.
What IF THEY PUT HER THERE on PURPOSE - knowing what would happen?
WHAT IF HER DAM CONTRACT WAS TO THEIR BENEFIT?
She was ONLY THERE FOR FOUR DAYS — THEY COULDN’T WAIT !!
THINK IT IS NOT POSSIBLE — Investigate who hired her and why they picked THAT location! Check EMails too! What If the Boys Club provided services!
GET WISE b4 it happens here. STOP THEM NOW! INVESTIGATE Now! Protect Others Now!

Valdron said...

Kulkinator, I note your comment that many Halliburton employees are failed military. Since we know that the military standards include raping 14 year old Iraqi girls and slaughtering her family and burning her house to cover it up, I'd say that slipping a few roofies isn't out of line.

luneylegume said...

Wow , When mental illness is a material proof of success will we have psychopaths as titans of industry ? Wow , When self regard of a cultural imperative becomes limited to personality wimmins will really be cooked . I mean hot . I mean whimmins will be warmer to cooperating without that scream thang .

kali said...

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her.

It's really freaky that you don't understand how much this undermines all your other "points."

Most normal men do not hear a woman say this even once in their lives, let alone countless times.
Because most normal men have never tried to rape anybody.

And most normal men are going to read your comment and think "WTF! What a freak!" and disassociate themselves from your views.

In short, one of the weirdest things about MRAs like you is that you have convinced yourselves that all other men are just like you. Thankfully, you are very, very wrong, or the world would be a much worse place than it is.

kamakula said...

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a woman say, "I'll scream rape" as a threat to opposing her.

Hmm, well, to be honest, I cannot recall outside of a Lifetime movie ever hearing those words come from the mouth of a woman. That being said, I'm sure that women say it countless times of many guys. Perhaps its just that most of these guys aren't able to access the internet anymore. Pesky things these judges that dare to take away your internet privileges.

Also, I can easily imagine many scenarios where such words would be uttered. Imagine a man has met a woman at a bar or nightclub and gotten her to leave with him. She gets to his place and decides that she no longer is interested. The poor man, who has been led on by the temptress proceeds to recoup his losses from the evening (drinks, gas money, laundry, do you know how hard it is to get lipstick stains off a white collar?, pride) and starts pulling at her clothes when she says those fateful words.

Or what about when a man has fallen in love with a beauty from afar. He takes the role of her protector following her everywhere in his vehicle making sure nobody else harms her. In order to improve his 24/7 surveillance, he breaks into her house to install cameras into her bathroom and bedroom (the bathroom doesn't have windows to the outside and the bedroom ones are always pulled shut - how can one protect what one can't see?). After months of reviewing footage and determining when she's most likely to be alone, (perhaps even recording her phone conversations to be safe), the perfect opportunity to introduce oneself arises. If she rejects your love, that's fine, there was nobody around to see it. If she accepts, perfect, you can consummate the relationship immediately because you two are conveniently alone. However, unimpressed by the man's ability to enter her house without setting off any alarms and not used to the indigenous method of greeting complete strangers by suckling at their teat while they sleep, she screams those fateful words.

I could go on and on, but I think one gets the point that there are so many everyday situations in which a man could find himself within earshot of those words. And for those who think I'm being sexist, there are plenty of scenarios where a woman could hear those words directed at herself. Alas, my bedtime nears and I need to be wake early so I can scout the jogging path of my new love.

Micgar said...

Wow lot of comments here! Jon does this post set a record or was there more for another post?

abu hamza said...

jon swift, this must be a joke, right, your take on this story, that jamie lee jones is undermining the war effort?

this web site is a left wing parody of a far right wing type, right? or is it just unwitting self-parody?

abu hamza said...

ok I feel silly I've looked at the site more and don't need to be told how gullible I was. I guess I should have been clued in after reading the "I only get my info from rush limbaugh and fox news and jay leno's monoloague" line.

but you know the right wing parody web site isn't altogether any different from a lot of the actual right wing websites I used to like.

L-girl said...

"but you know the right wing parody web site isn't altogether any different from a lot of the actual right wing websites I used to like."

Jon Swift has his work cut out for him, because much of the right-wing defies parody. They are cartoons, and unparodyable. If that is a word.

Anon said...

I don't read Swift, and it could be internet sarcasm (which is harder to detect than early cancer), but was he saying that Mrs. Jones should not have spoken in the first place? If you were raped and kidnapped, I think you might get pissed and sue their asses.

Also, the concealing burqa's aren't a Muslim institution, they're an Arabian institution, that has spread around the region. Much like baseball caps- They're an American garment, not Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Muslim, or Pastafarian.

West Point dude said...

Whoever came up with the title to this story of "Jamie Leigh Jones Undermines the War Effort" is a total robot Dumbass and Asshole.

This war was lost when the dumb asses you follow started torture.

Rape?, Gang Rape? No doubt in my mind whatsoever that the woman's story is absolutely true.

People like you who condone these traitor bastard contractors are also why we have lost a war that we already won in the first 2 months. You all make me sick.

Leave fighting and winning wars to our military. The contractors lost this one for us all.

West Point dude, Saudi Liaison.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jon: BEND OVER and take one for the anti-terrorist team. Show everyone how submitting to rape is our moral duty. Showing is more convincing than telling.

Rob said...

I think that this post, or rather the reaction to it, is absolute proof that the American educational system is completely broken.

How anyone could mistake this obviously satirical post for someone's actual opinion shows that the level of reading comprehension has fallen to such a low level that I am shocked that many of the folks commenting can follow the directions to heat up a "Hot Pocket" in the microwave.

Either that, or the level of argument on the right has become so weird that something as demented as this could be seen as real. Either way, I am scared to death.

Anonymous said...

"May 8, 2007- I received a letter of determination from the EEOC stating that their investigation determined in my favor stating that I was “indeed sexually assaulted by one or more of the Respondent employees and physical trauma was apparent. Respondent's investigation was inadequate and did not effect an adequate remedy”. Due to the reason that the management didn't investigate my housing situation, the EEOC found a violation against Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964."

Is she lying? Because if she isn't, these "responsible" questions about "veracity" become a lot less responsible.

Anonymous said...

Wow, there are some sick idiots that read and write on this page. Try questioning rightwing hack politicians with the same vigor as someone that is claiming to be raped, I mean if there was ever something to fake for money or to end the war why would it be rape? That's an embarassing lie to tell on TV. I hope this is a sick joke, if it is truly believed by the authors, I feel truly sorry for you and very concerned for the prospects of the future of America if uninformed pricks like this are allowed to actually cast a vote every 2 years.
What a mess this website is, may the server crash forever.

TG Moxley said...

"I hope this is a sick joke"

YEAH I HOPE THIS IS A JOKE, UNFORTUNATELY I LACK THE READING COMPREHENSION TO MAKE SUCH A DETERMINATION.

This kind of hit-and-run bitching is really indicative of the level of discourse on the Internet as a whole, isn't it? See something you dislike, follow your instinct to scream and stamp your feet, then glide on to the next outrage, never looking back, never stopping to actually *pay attention to* what you encounter. A constant cycle of knee-jerk tantrums.

L-girl said...

I keep coming back to check comments, to see how many people don't get the point of this post.

It's amazing.

"I think that this post, or rather the reaction to it, is absolute proof that the American educational system is completely broken."

Eyup.

These comments are like a freak show. I know I shouldn't be gawking, but I can't seem to drag myself away.

this_is_my_prayer said...

i sincerely will pray that your mother will die from cancer for this blog. If your mother has already died, i sincerely pray that whoever is closest to you will simply walk out of your life while you suffer from leukemia. Afterall, if God has answered so many of my prayers, he can perhaps answer this as well.

Forget praying for all those people who need to heal just for this time. I need to just pray for this curse for you tonight.

TG Moxley said...

LOL.

Dear Santa,

All I want for XMas this year is world peace. Failing that, could you please just remind everyone to read at least the first few posts in the comments thread before they fly off the fucking handle and make asses of themselves?

Your friend,

TG.

Anonymous said...

Jon, Jon, Jon. This time with that pen of yours, you've truly splatted out a Rorschach Blot! ROWR! FFFT! Step on the kitty's tail, did'ja?

This is hands down the best comment thread for the best post on the best blog! Ever!!! I have tears in my eyes, I'm out of breath, and my sides ache!

What a kaleidescopically magical collection of responses from across all possible spectrums. And I don't care what your spectrum is! Politics, gender, sanity, comprehension, tinfoil hats, whatever!

Eyup, indeed, I-girl!

Props goes to the Kulkinator (dude, you just scare me!). But special mention must go to Kamakula... He had the amazing ability to smoke out the only possible way the Kulkinator could even begin to make a lick of sense... Good luck with your new love, by the way!

Now I must stop. My sides hurt too much. I might die.

Anonymous said...

I can not believe what I am reading and you seem full of hatred toward women. It´s not HER FAULT that this makes a buncn of contractors "look bad"- it´s theirs!!! They raped and beat this woman!

Anonymous said...

I just skimmed the article. This is a spoof right? The article is just so far out there and twisted I assume it is a joke.

Anonymous said...

you're a dumb ass jon swift.

Anonymous said...

Jon- I hope you are gang-raped repeatedly for the rest of your life...honestly.

Doctor said...

After reading your blog, I realized that you're the real sacrifice America make for freedom. We have to allow brainwashed propagandists like you to spread the most twisted disinformation even if it underminds the very base of reason and logic - something you claim to have, but clearly lack in every single atom of your body. You must have a tumor in your brain or maybe your are just a tumor (period). I refuse to believe you are human, tumor. Shame on you. You actually claim it's okay to discredit a rape victim even without proper evidence because of the "War on Terror". Shame on you, tumor. I pity your friends and family who might already share your cancer. I should have stopped reading after you said you get your info from Fox News because the media is biased. Ha, that's one of the most oxymoronic statements I've ever heard in my entire life, tumor. I found your blog while researching Jamie Leigh Jones's case after Amnesty International sent me news of the countless rapes and murders that are happening in Iraq under Haliburton and KBR's control of the region. You somehow say that Jones should keep her mouth shut for freedom. No, John, corporate oil is not freedom. Corporate oil won't save us from terrorists, let alone high gas prices. I joined your blog just to say what I'm about to say now... Ten years from now, I hope some crazy left-wing nut reads your blog and decides to stalk you with a syringe until successfully injecting AIDS into your veins while you sleep at night. I hope you continue to live for a few years as you struggle to keep your friends and family who gradually leave you after realizing that the lesions spreading across your face only revealed you for the true being that you are - an ugly tumor.

Anonymous said...

hey "Doctor"...

you're a liar... I don't believe you actually read the blog, because if you did you would understand what Jon was really doing -- and it's clever and intelligent...

then again, maybe you aren't a liar, maybe you're just STUPID?

Anonymous said...

"Even if her story is true, you have to wonder why Jones doesn't just keep her mouth shut like all the other women the doctor says have been raped in Iraq. Doesn't she realize that such an incendiary charge just gives aid and comfort to the enemy? How can we convince Iraqi women like the young women of Basra -- where 40 of them have been murdered for dressing contrary to Islamic law -- that replacing Saddam Hussein's secular government with an Islamic government actually makes them more free, if American women are not willing to make a few sacrifices to get this message across?"

I agree with Doctor. There's clearly no irony or sarcasm in this statement. If Doctor's a "liar" or "stupid", what is Jon "really" saying. I'd like to know.

Anonymous said...

This blog is impossible to read. Is he trying to be sarcastic? If so, maybe it's just bad writing.

Doctor said...

Apologies... I actually read the whole post, but failed to read other comments on this page. I'm sorry if I misunderstood its supposed satire; it's so straight forward without a hint of sarcasm. Even the Colbert Report has hints of parody, but this post doesn't have any. I don't think the problem is my reading comprehension ability because this post greatly mirrors an actual right-wing column. I think I should have researched the writer's history before reading. Either way, I think it's awesome that people get angry at the post because the straight forward writing style is very dark on a Todd Solonz level. I think Rob said it best in an earlier comment:

"...the level of argument on the right has become so weird that something as demented as this could be seen as real."

Jamie Jones said...

How can Jamie Jones husband Joseph Daigel sue Halliburton for what supposebly happened ot Jamie when they werent even married at the time. Its like sueing someone for your wifes missing limb when it was already missing when you meet.And what does this superisor Eric LLer have to say he states that had an affair in Houston. why does this girl submit another victims affadavit what a fraud

Anonymous said...

Please let me enlighten everyone and look at the flip side of the coin and introduce you to a victim from Iraq by the name of Tracy K Barker a woman that opened her heart during a difficult time to Jones just to become victimized all over again by attys, jones and her foundation. Tracy K Barker went to Baghdad, Iraq in 2004 sexually harrassed by supervisors female and after reporting this the supervisors were informed locked Tracy up in a living container bringing her food and watching her use the bathroom for 3 days There is a report on line you can see for yourself.Tracy was then transferred to Basra where the sexual harrassement continued under male environment, after reporting this she was driven to a stagging area in the middle of Iraq Desert and left there alone without her gear (Helmet Bullet Proof Vest) A British soldier happened to drive by in a food truck and the next 19 hours he drove her back to US camp. Tracy was sexually assulted by a state employee, the followign morning raped by another man a supervisor. These statements are on line as well. 2005 now after the sexual assault and rape they locked Tracy up in her living container for 3 days and then forced her back to work wearing the same clothes she was attacked in for an additional three days. This too is also in a statement. FACT to Jamie: After Tracy came home 3 months later Jamie calls Tracy on the phone and asks for tracys help because she claims she ahd just been gang raped and received tracy's number from the same investigater Tracy had. Tracy's husband was able to find the women that performed Jamie's rape kit.Tracy also introduced Jones to her attorneys. Now this is how Jones and attys paid Tracy back. FACT: Jones went around promoting her "Foundation" by stating that Tracy and other victims came through.NOT TRUE Maybe victims came after TRacy and the first few victims that came to Tracy first but what is ridiculous about this is a victim is not a prize to be had to boost your popularity Jamie. FACT: Tracy had certain statements in her case file they were pulled out and used on the internet in connection with Jones name. his is not right to do, these statements were for court purposes only and only specifies to Tracy's horrible ordeal, Jamie was never in Basra. That whole speech about asking congress what should she do with the victims coming forward Tracy was the one that asked that. As we continue down this road, When Tracy expressed concerns of conflict of interest with Jones and her statements being released or anything else that Tracy felt violated in, the attorneys would respond that Tracy was jealous, trying to defame Jamie, yelling at Tracy and calling her terrible names. Tracy never had an affair with her boss, Jamie did, it is in Jamies statement about having an affair. She states forced to having an affair. How in the H... do you get forced into having an affair. How in the He.. does Jamie know she was drugged compared to drunk. I ask because it never states if a blood test was done just a lost rape kit. When I was raped 20 years ago I didnt ask anyone if they had sex with me, I was terrified, I could hardly contain myself and this is why I write this because it angers me and I resent Jones popping up everywhere smiling and laughing about this as she tells her story and each interview her details change some. Jones took the statement from tracys file and submitted this to Congress under her Jones name as she is trying to pass some law. As we move on Tracy waited 2 1/2 years to bring the man that sexually assaulted her to justice. Her then attorneys emailed her letting her know a pretrial hearing was set for the same week of the email. Tracy could never ger a response on a specific day and time. As Tracy researched she found out that the pretrial hearing had already taken place one whole week prior and not one person was there not even her attorneys at the time. UNBELIEVABLE, can tracy be victimized even more. The Jamie Leigh Foundation is represented by one of the attorneys who claims chairman of legal affairs in the foundation and this is the way they treat victims, another attorney came through victims advocate and this is how they treat victims. Yes its a shame to be raped, attacked and even gang raped. But it is nothing to prance around about in you tube thanking your fans or interview after interview smiling as if to be so proud. I take this as an insult on behalf of all rape victims gang raped or not. Its a touchy subject and very hard to proove if DNA does not exist, but you do not use another victim and her case file to promote yourself and your foundation for profit and stardom. tracy's name use to be tagged on the inetrnet so whenever you would google Tracy's name you would go to certaing browsers and the minute you clicked on it, it would redirect you to Jamie's website. No guess where that came from. Tracys attorneys emailed her one week ago today stating thast they were dumping her because of the stupidest reasons. Tracy found herself a wonderful kind non abusive lawyer big difference from being lied to and used with horrible verbal abuse. So to the Bonnies out there who made the comment about not having a victim keep her mouth shut yes you are right one should speak out until she/he is heard but when you have the Jamie Jones of the world Jones makes it difficult for anyone to take a rape victim seriously and makes it even more difficult for someone who has been through the same thing to help you as well. Its awful what goes on, what we hear about and scary about the ones we dont. But when you are violated, choked and raped as Tracy was, or as I was with a gun held to my head, you never get passed that you just dont, its not funny, or a game of smiles, this is an awful act that has been done to women over seas and even here in the States. I dont hate Jones, I am not a hater but its time that everyone knows the truth now that Tracy has seeked different counsel, Her attys did the best thing for Tracy and it was the first time I saw that they actually were human when they dropped her. But in the fture if Jones does any more appearance please do it on your behalf only not other victims because you are making a mockery out of all of us who were raped. Thank you

Anonymous said...

She had it coming and wanted it. Based on her affair with her boss in Texas. She simply put wanted it.

Anonymous said...

[another posting thru Anonymous - nologin]

A reasonable conservative? Given news sources mentioned, I see no basis for this claim.

So your values are becoming more like the Saudi's, blaming & then punishing the woman who is rapped (thank goodness that our now-stale old values motivated a diplomatic intervention by our European allies, not by Bush).

With the willingness to sellout our values, and lack of historic perspective to judge threat, the greatest risk to our nation is within.

Thank you for posting my comments.

by - FollowersOfAbigailAdams

Anonymous said...

Your article claims that Jones' story is too 'perfect' to be true and therefore must be a lie. You suggest then that perhaps it is some plot involving terrorists, corrupt individuals in various American agencies including the Justice Department and a corrupt Congressman. Now, using your own 'logic' (and I use that term loosely to describe your thought process) it seems highly unlikely that such a 'perfect' terrorist plot could be so flawlessly executed. Using the ageless axiom of the 'simplest explanation is the best explanation' let's examine both scenarios. Does it make more sense that a group of drunken contractors gang-raped a co-worker and then attempted by whatever means necessary to cover up their crime or that an elaborate terrorist plot involving so far as we know, only U.S. citizens including many that never even left our country, was executed nearly flawlessly for the sole purpose of indirectly 'embarrassing' the VP of our country? Hmmm, I think that during the writer's guild strike you've been moonlighting as a screenwriter scab worker. The ridiculous scenario you have proposed wouldn't even get accepted as a viable movie script in Hollywood because it is so full of fantastic assumptions and riddled with flaws in logic that even my dog could refute. I am surprised that you are literate and articulate enough to even put this piece together, but next time why don't you do us all a favor and leave your conservative wet dream conspiracy theories where they belong, in the confines of that nearly empty shipping container you call your head.

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! I have to get a job with Halliburton!!! Too bad I was not there, I would have loved to get some of that action. And the doctor said that there were so many girls like her that he could not even remember her...cool!!! Some guys get all the luck. I am truly sorry I was not part of that love fest. Well maybe they got it on video so that everyone can have fun watching it. Jamie Leigh Jones needs remember what professor Alfred Kinsey said about love making that some people refer to as 'rape', "The only difference between rape and a good time depends on whether the girls parents were awake when she finally came home". Since her father was awake when he saw her, then this clearly was just a good time. One day years from now, she will probably look back on this incident and laugh. She will even feel sorry that she made such a big deal over what will probably be her fondest memory of her youth. I would not be surprised if she would someday get in contact with her former coworkers and do the whole thing over agian for old time sakes. Hopefully, if she is not too old, I can get some of that action then.

Anonymous said...

damn the Barker family sure gets on every blog they can find and spouts off their lies

Anonymous said...

One thing to consider about whether she is telling the truth or not is the fact that she has had to undergo a series of reconstructive surgeries. Her pectoral muscles and bones in her chest were torn and broken. She has also had to have surgery in other areas that I would rather not mention. As the now re-found rape kit confirms, someone else had to have done this to her.

Whoever did this, and whoever defends them are about as American as Osama bin Laden.

Anonymous said...

So, rule 34, anyone?

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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Anonymous said...

I am from another western country and have been living in America for the past 2 years, I have no doubt that conservatives like you and others in the republican party are the sole reason this country is not as fantastic as it could be.
You and those like you are really very inward looking and obtuse, not too mention love hearing the sound of your own voice.
I love reading thoughts of people like you and Rush Limbaugh, they are the greatest sources of fictional comedy any reasonable person can get here.
The scary thing is if imbeciles like you ran this country it would be in even more trouble than it already is.
You are truly an example of the word Moron.
Good day to you sir.

Anonymous said...

Jon Swift, you are a complete failure as a human being for what you write here, and so are many of your commentators. I believe hell is children's story people invent to frighten each other, but I do believe that some of us do good things in this world and should be remembered, while others have wasted their lives. You must believe that I say this with all sincerity, for the very bottom of my heart: kill yourself.

Kaylie said...

You're a pig. A woman should never be asked to "sacrifice" her body for the good of anything. The United States should have more balls as a country to be able to figure out a more ethical way. I understand sacrifices are necessary but when you have a little girl maybe you will understand that it is NEVER okay for some stupid red-neck American to fuck your daughter while she is passed out.

Beanieville said...

While you talk trash, the Chinese are winning

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across this article and I think my womb just died. I thought it was all being written with subtle sarcasm until I read these comments. While I sit here and absorb your hatred of this victim or the idea that women speak out when they're raped, all I can think is, 'the terrorists have won.'

Anonymous said...

I am not feeling gainfully employeed at work today, so thank you for entertaining me...

Anonymous said...

Look-ee at all the comments. Well done Mistah Swift. Google Adsense at work? Making you some money? The cool thing about money is it doesn't judge you. Makes no difference how you get it, just get it.

You wrote this fine piece all for what? A rise? Cash towards a new 60" flat screen? A faster car? Respect in the hood?

The purpose of a company is to make money. Full stop. Whatever makes a profit is ALL that's important. Nothing else matters. A successful company realizes this and does whatever it can to be profitable. There's no "for the greater good" going on with companies that understand this. Insurance companies don't want to give away a penny. Contractors paid to go do a job should spend as little as possible on the job and keep the most profit for themselves.

The older I get the more I see how people fall into two distinct camps: assholes and nice people.

Rob Wolfe said...

People, people. Look up the words SATIRE and PARODY in your dictionary.

Reading comprehension has become so pathetic nowadays that people take this writing as serious. Or perhaps the right wing loonies have become so crazed that it is no longer possible to tell the difference between faux wingnutism and the real thing. This is most assuredly the former.

SonomaLass said...

Wow, Jon. Nice piece, but the level of stupid in these comments is really scary. I hope you are taking comfort from the intelligent minority, who understand (and even appreciate) the concept of satire. Oh, and the four or five of us who have heard of Jonathan Swift!

Tom Lehrer has said that "political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Prize." What comes after obsolete?

mrskarface said...

jon as a vet ive met my share of turd bag contractors, i know were my opinion comes from. youre not a conservative man, you listen to others for that. and from a man youre far, this garbage you posted pretty much attests to that.

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Anonymous said...

Oh God. The article was funny, don't get me wrong, but the comments... I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. My sides are killing me.

Elizabeth B said...

Wow. Wow. The level of stupid in these comments--!

Well written parody, Mr. Swift. It's not your fault half these people apparently failed reading comprehension in the fifth grade... and every grade thereafter.

HTC said...

These comments are better than the article. Drooling idiots sitting in a circle arguing the pros and cons of sunlight.

www.hootathought.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I think I will quote Congressman Barney Frank on this one: "It is a tribute to the first amendment that this kind of vile, contemptible, nonsense is so freely propagated."

I truely hope that this story, and this blog is a satire, and wish that it would make itself more odvious.

First of all, on the top Jon Swift states that the media is biased, so he accepts information only from Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Jay Leno, all parts of the media, and three of the most biased sources around.

As for this story, I believe that first, rape victims should NEVER be attacked, or believed to be false. This mindset can only cause more rape, and comfort for sexual predators.
Second, it is also very convenient that parts of the rape kit used to examine Ms. Jones were lost.
And third, in my opinion, reporting a rape does not undermine the war effort nearly as much as defense contractors existance. The idea of hiring out jobs which we have a perfectly capable army to do, makes absolutely no sense to me. In fact, it seems insulting to the U.S. Military, the greatest armed forces in the world, that they are not good enough, and must be supplemented with defense contracts.

Anonymous said...

Jamie Leigh Jones proves the old adages that rape is just when the girl changes her mind afterwards.

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Anonymous said...

It is not rape if you yell, "Suprise"!!!

Anonymous said...

I was there. Common people! She continues to say ..as does Congressman Ted Poe that she was locked in a shipping container. Anyone locked in a chipping container that time of year would be dead in a very short time. She was given her own hooch, queen size bed, private bathroom, running water, air conditioning, food delivery and KBR Security (and no he was NOT armed). She was only 19 when she went to Baghdad ...what on earth was she thinking walking around in short shorts small top and drinking with a lot of young men? As a number of previous posters have noted ...she has no names.

Joe said...

This is sarcasm right? Please tell me you aren't serious.

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Anonymous said...

Jamie Leigh Jones is just overreacting. To quote a wise feminist about her rape, "she may have been "raped" but it was not "rape rape"!

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jld said...

Enough time has passed to clearly see how wrong you were on this one. Man up and admit it...

Anonymous said...

@bonnie, these trash red necks who stand up for so-called freedom, citing the war effort (??) is more important than rape victims are mother fuckers, so they certainly don't have daughters.

Anonymous said...

Gang rape as a weapon against terrorism? You must have a diseased mind to produce a sick idea like this. Americans have been fighting terrorists too long because you're becoming no better than them. I shall warn all women to avoid your country lest they be raped in the name of your national security.

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