Saturday, January 21, 2006

Google Searches

Google is fighting a subpoena from the Bush Administration to turn over its data on searches in order to defend the Internet Child Protection Act. Of course, I support whatever the Bush Administration thinks it needs to do to protect children from the Internet and think Google should surrender this data immediately. However, I was looking at the record of Google searches I have done and am worried that there might be some misunderstandings when these searches are seen out of context. So in case Google does lose its case, I would like to take this opportunity to explain some of the searches I did so that no one in the Justice Department gets the wrong idea. As you can see there are innocent explanations for all of them:

paris hilton video - I was planning a vacation and looking for a video travelogue about hotels in Paris.

nude teens - This was a typo. I was looking for "rude teens" to research a piece on the decline of manners in American young people, which is a very big problem.

growing marijuana - I was researching the problem of growing marijuana use in the U.S. I must have left off the word "use."

escorts - I was doing research on buying a Ford.

viagra - This was for a tribute I was writing on Bob Dole.

download free music - Of course I support copyright laws and was doing research on the criminals who break them.

google earth dick cheney's house - I have always been curious about where our Vice President stays when he is not in hiding. That's all. It was nothing more than curiosity. I don't think this search was ultimately successful, anyway.

olsen twins - Who doesn't like the Olsen twins and their fine family movies?

loofah sponges - I don't remember why I was searching for this.

jon swift is a hunk-"Did not match any documents" Sigh.

gay porn - I honestly don't know how this got on my list of searches. I think someone was using my computer and I aim to find out who it was.

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Anonymous said...

LOL Excellent Post

Anonymous said...

Love it.

Anonymous said...

Funny Jon!

Anonymous said...

LOL indeed! One of the best posts of the year as far as I'm concerned. Great writing and very witty.

Anonymous said...

You left a comment on my blog a while back w/link. After visiting, I am now a regular reader. Love your blog. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

<< "download free music - Of course I support copyright laws and was doing research on the criminals who break them."

Yeah, right. For educational purposes only.

Anonymous said...

Great, creative, funny. I aspire to write at this level of intellect. Your namesake would be proud.

Kenneth said...

Excellent post there! The first four, in particular, cracked me up.

magicchicken said...

I think it is a terrrible crime of personal speach and viewpoints that the bush administration wants to see what we the public are searching for on our personal computers. I don't think that the government should be going after people that are searching for things like "child porn" or "Free music downloads" but be going after the sites that are providing these things. Rather than going after the search sites, rather go after the web servers hosting the sites providing these "services"

Anonymous said...

Excellent Jon!
By the way, Can Mr. Bush read Japanese? I use almost only Japanese words because I'm Japanese! For example, please try to google "eroero". Of course, it's also just an example for demo :)

david giacalone said...

Nice work, Jon. This will come in handy for me, if my Letter to DOJ doesn't work -- hey, DOJ, blame Google (and Yahoo!, too).

I'm hoping all the typos found in my posts will strengthen the argument.

Anonymous said...

osama bin laden - i wanted to see if he's been captured yet.

Anonymous said...

florida vote count - i was just searching for my lost ballot.

Anonymous said...

I assume that was meant to be funny...HAHA

Delynn said...

Too funny! I will have to remember those

Anonymous said...

I definitely need to remember these! Some of them may come in handy for me too LOL ;)

spydrz said...

Very funny!!

Anonymous said...

Funny... but, fyi, other search engines complied with the request, but only the search queries are being requested, not the user who made the query, so your secrets are safe, for now!!

Anonymous said...

bush terrorist = I was looking for Harry Belafonte's discography, that's all.

CGrim said...

Haha, nice list :)

As someone else pointed out, the user making queries is not being requested. I think the point is to see what results Google supplies, in order to find out what websites are providing illegal child pornography, as opposed to who is accessing those sites.

Technically, that information does belong to Google, and Im not a fan of the gov't arbitrarily demanding a company's property. But on the other hand, if Google is helping people break the law, the gov't request might be legit. I am undecided.

Although I would love to see Google get taken down a notch.

Anonymous said...

I can't figure out Google! They won't release search info in the US that purports to help child victims of crime but for the money (1 billion screaming), they will agree to censor content on the Chinese language version of the site and the .cn top level domain. Oppression is only bad if there is no money in it, I guess.

Anonymous said...

Look what else Google is up to:

Anonymous said...

Excellent! I always enjoy a Jonah Goldberg link and you have demonstrated why.

Anonymous said...

Jon Swift may be one of the greatests hunks in history, along with Lenin and Mickey Mouse ofcourse

Anonymous said...

I think that Bush got pissed that when you put in "Failure" in google, his bio comes up

Anonymous said...

After making use of the device which allows me to monitor what search terms lead people to my site I was rather worried to discover "horn porn"

Was that you Jon?

Anonymous said...

Ahem...typo alert.

No it was worse.

The term was "horse porn"


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Too funny... excellent wit. Why am I just now finding out about this blog?

Anonymous said...

Great post Jon, very funny.

ebay Affiliate said...

Excellent Jon!
By the way, Can Mr. Bush read Japanese? I use almost only Japanese words because I'm Japanese! For example, please try to google "eroero". Of course, it's also just an example for demo :)

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