Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Conservatives: The New Black

Watching Coretta Scott King's funeral yesterday, I got to thinking. Now that racism has been eliminated and you can't make gay jokes anymore without people getting all up in arms about it, are there any groups that people can still ridicule and discriminate against? The answer is, yes, there is one group of people everyone can hate without fear of reprisal: Conservatives.

In Hollywood Mel Gibson is snubbed at the Oscars and movies like Good Night and Good Luck, which demonizes a fine conservative like Joseph McCarthy, are acclaimed. At universities many conservative students are afraid to come out of the closet as conservative for fear being made fun of by other students and getting bad grades from their predominantly liberal professors. Conservative Ann Coutler had a pie thrown at her once and was booed on a campus just for suggesting that someone poison radical left wing judges like John Paul Stevens. On television, shows like Will & Grace and Desperate Housewives make fun of our values and conservatives are the butt of cruel jokes on South Park and The Simpsons.

Conservative politicians are constantly under attack by the media, except on Fox News, which is the only news outlet that remains fair and balanced. Conservatives are called corrupt just for enjoying relaxing leisure activities with lobbyists. At King's funeral some people even had the temerity to attack President Bush right to his face. Attacking the President is certainly not what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they adopted the First Amendment.

I have suffered great personal discrimination just for being a conservative. I have noticed people following me in stores because of my conservative attire and sometimes during rush hour I find it hard to get a taxi. I have lost jobs just because I have revealed at interviews that I am a conservative and asked if I will be exposed to the homosexual lifestyle by any of my co-workers. In my life I have gone out on blind dates that ended abruptly when I revealed that that if someone I was going out with got pregnant, even as a result of rape or incest, I would insist she have the baby and break up with her if she got an abortion. I was even denied entry to a bar once when the doorman discovered that I carry a gun for my protection as is my right under the Second Amendment.

I don't know what we can do to solve the problem of discrimination against conservatives. Perhaps workplaces could have sensitivity training to teach people that it's not homophobic when someone someone tells a co-worker that homosexuality is a sin and that it could be offensive to some people for a gay person to have a picture of their lover on their desk. Universities should actively work to make their faculties and student bodies more diverse by actively recruiting conservatives. Television networks could stop victimizing conservatives and broadcast more family-friendly sitcoms about happy conservative families that lead normal uneventful lives. Toning down the rhetoric in Washington would also be a big help. Liberal politicians could stop unfairly accusing conservatives of voting for legislation that helps oil companies, asbestos companies and pharmaceutical companies just because they receive large campaign contributions from them.

Although it's very difficult being a conservative in this society when everything is stacked up against you and you often find yourself attacked for who you are, I am still proud to be a Conservative-American. I am not asking for special rights. All I ask is that people treat us with respect and give us the same rights as other Americans.

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Patricia said...

I've found that there is nothing you can say that's over the top for today's conservatives. They'll see this and see it as a set of legitimate grievances. That would be kind of unintentional self-satire if it weren't so destructive. I look forward to comments on this post with interest.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think you are the real Jonathan Swift, re-born in our crazy age to put a mirror to our scarred faces.
Sometimes I think you're just plain genius.
I always enjoy your posts.

shrimplate said...

Um, I have a question. When did "blacks," like today's self-defined political "conservatives," ever control the White House, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the Supreme Court of the United States, numerous state governorships and legislative houses, and many large corporations?

Oh right... never.

Anonymous said...

"...someone tells a co-worker that homosexuality is a sin and that it could be offensive to some people for a gay person to have a picture of their lover on their desk..."

Ok. Well according to me being straight is wrong, and I should be able to tell you that you are going to hell in public and in front of other people, and you should not be able to have pictures of your wife on your desk.

That's your life and it's your right to have your wifes picture on your desk, even if for some odd reason it offends people? Oh well imagine that.

Anonymous said...

This site is SATIRE people - remember Swift??? Check out his whole site to laugh your ass off.

The Google search diary is the best!!

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