Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Warren Buffett Turns Against God

Warren Buffett's recent announcement that he would be donating billions of dollars to charities like Bill Gates' foundation is a slap in the face of God. God gave Buffett his wealth and now Buffett is turning his back on God by taking this gift and giving it away, like an ungrateful relative returning a Christmas present to the store to exchange it for something she wants.

Godless liberal do-gooders often purposely misinterpret the Bible by claiming it is against wealth, though this could not be further from the truth. They like to go through the Bible and pull quotes out of context to justify their socialistic beliefs. Liberals are especially fond of quoting Jesus' words about wealth while ignoring all of the things he said about sins like homosexuality and abortion.

One the passages they always like to quote is Jesus' words "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Liberals will tell you that Jesus is saying there is something wrong with being rich in this passage, which is ridiculous. Let's look at what he really says. First of all, he doesn't say it is impossible for a rich man to go to heaven, only that it will be "hard," which, of course, it is for everyone. But then doesn't the image of a camel going through the eye of a needle sound impossible? these doubting Thomases will ask. Of course not. First of all, Jesus never says how big the needle is or how small the camel is. A normal-size camel could walk very easily through a gigantic needle and a very, very tiny camel could easily walk through a regular-size needle. Do liberals really believe that God is incapable of making really big needles or little camels? The point of this passage is that anything is possible if you believe in God.

If God was against making money why would he have made His Chosen People so good at it? If God hates money so much why did he make so many Christian preachers rich? Doesn't it seem clear that God is rewarding people like Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts and Joel Osteen by making them extremely wealthy? The $5 million that the former head of the Christian Coalition Ralph Reed got from Jack Abramoff, for example, was God's way of paying him off for a job well done. Conspicuous consumption is just one way of preaching the Gospel.

"There is more than one way to get to heaven, but this is a great way," Buffett said. Apparently, wealthy men like Warren Buffett think they can buy their way into heaven by arrogantly trying to redistribute wealth as if they themselves were God. God made some people poor and some people rich for a reason. He purposely made some people live in third world countries, where it is very difficult to get rich, and other people live in the United States, where everyone has the potential to be rich if they work hard or were born into wealthy families. It is not for us to question God's plan. Communists don't believe in God, so they think they are free to defy God by redistributing wealth to people who don't deserve it, and illegal immigrants try to circumvent God's plan by sneaking across the border instead of staying in their impoverished countries where they belong.

Another important issue that is being ignored in the rush to praise Buffett's "generosity" are the real victims of Buffett's irresponsible actions: his children. Buffett, who also opposes repealing the death tax, is essentially stealing money from his own children to give it away to strangers. What kind of a parent would do something like that? At least Robin Hood didn't rob from his own family. Imagine what would have happened to Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis if they had had a father who shirked his parental duties like Warren Buffett. It should come as no surprise, however, that Buffett is anti-family. Some of his children's hard earned money is also going to his wife's foundation, which supports such anti-family organizations as Planned Parenthood.

Warren Buffett should know that taking money from his children and throwing it away on liberal causes is not going to get him into heaven. The only way he is going to get into heaven is by loving God and the best way he can do that is by enjoying the wealth that God gave him as much as he can.

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Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Swift:

As usual, your theory is 100 percent correct. Giving away money is a bad thing. Unless it's to me.
However, since you only recented converted to Christianity (after watching "The Chronicles of Narnia") I'd like to point out that the Needle's Eye that Jesus referred to was actually a short, narrow gate into Jerusalem. A man could walk through it but a camel, especially one loaded with possessions could not.

I'd also like to say that "Eye of the Needle" is a fine novel. That Ken Follett. Bless him.

Anonymous said...

My letter to the editor for today:

Silly Meghan Daum! Ann Coulter is not like Jonathan Swift; Jon Swift
(http://jonswift.blogspot.com/) is like Jonathan Swift. See if you can tell
the difference. If not, repeat English Literature 101.

mistah charley, ph.d. said...

Mr. Buffett was on a tv show last night - Charley Rose interviewed him, Bill Gates, and Melinda French Gates - they were all laughing a lot and seeming very pleased with themselves.

Doodle Bean said...

Great post! Although you did forget that God has set things up in America so that Christians can get rich by working really, really hard, being born to wealthy parents or marrying someone with money.

misneach said...

I can't tell if you're being serious or sarcastic in your posts...

Anonymous said...

While I agree with you on abortion, I'm confused as to why you think giving money away is anti-Biblical. Please explain.

Anonymous said...

Actually, nevermind. Upon investigation - I've found that this is all satire. My bad.

BruceA said...

This is satire, isn't it?

beervolcano said...

I'm looking for Jesus's words on abortion in the Bible and I just can't find them anywhere. Can you point me to the verses?

Jaesoreal said...

Clearly God opposes the poor which is why I don't give money to the homeless or else I may overstep God's will in their life! Don't know which is better, reading your posts or the responses to them!

tm said...

I follow what I like to call "accounting by Republican Jesus." I shift half of my assets into an offshore limited partnership, and half into a charitable remainder trust that pays my children $100,000 a year each as custodians. Since I'm poor on paper, I figure it should be pretty easy to get into heaven.

Anonymous said...

One of the highlights of my weekend after working away is this blog.

Sir, as always I salute you.

Apparently you have not just swallowed a dictionary but digested it.

Thanks again.

Michael Bains said...

Brilliant! Just totally freaking wonderful writing, Mr Swift.

Jesus never says how big the needle is or how small the camel is.

I just about spit, laughing. Thanks!

decrepitoldfool said...

Wonderful! It's about TIME someone told the truth about them poor folk, that GOD done made 'em that way on porpose and all! ;-)

(wrestles voices to standoff and resumes...) Mr. Gates and Mr. Buffett are creating a new standard of intelligent philanthropy, which The Economist now calls "Billanthropy" - heh.

Edwardtbabinski said...

In 2006 billionaire Warren Buffet signed papers that initiated one of the grandest singular philanphropic give-aways on record. He began giving away what will amount to 85% of his USD $40 billion fortune to a worldwide charitable organization that fights third-world diseases like AIDS and malaria, and that helps support education around the world, i.e., The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation--a foundation that Buffet’s billionaire philanthropist friend, Bill Gates, founded a few years previously with USD $30 billion of his own money.

One might wonder what motives besides love for their fellow human beings had led them to contribute such chunks of their fortunes to help others? Religious-minded folks might assume that it was their faith in God, eternal life, and/or the doctrines of a particular church that inspired Buffet and Gates to give away such a huge percentage of their personal fortunes. But such an assumption appears questionable in light of the following information:

Gates was interviewed November 1995 on PBS by David Frost. Below is the transcript with minor edits.

Frost: Do you believe in the Sermon on the Mount?

Gates: I don’t. I’m not somebody who goes to church on a regular basis. The specific elements of Christianity are not something I’m a huge believer in. There’s a lot of merit in the moral aspects of religion. I think it can have a very very positive impact.

Frost: I sometimes say to people, do you believe there is a god, or do you know there is a god? And, you’d say you don’t know?

Gates: In terms of doing things I take a fairly scientific approach to why things happen and how they happen. I don’t know if there’s a god or not, but I think religious principles are quite valid. [So he thinks “religious principles are quite valid,” but he isn’t a believer in the Sermon on the Mount?--E.T.B.]

Gates was also profiled in a January 13, 1996 Time magazine cover story. Here are some excerpts compiled by the Drudge Report:

“Isn’t there something special, perhaps even divine, about the human soul?” interviewer Walter Isaacson asks Gates “His face suddenly becomes expressionless,” writes Isaacson, “his squeaky voice turns toneless, and he folds his arms across his belly and vigorously rocks back and forth in a mannerism that has become so mimicked at Microsoft that a meeting there can resemble a round table of ecstatic rabbis.”

“I don’t have any evidence on that,” answers Gates. “I don’t have any evidence of that.”

He later states, “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.”

And what about Warren Buffet, Gates’s friend who is donating tens of billions to Gates’s foundation? What does Warren believe? According to Buffett: The Making of an American Capitalist by Roger Lowenstein (Doubleday, 1995), page 13: “He [Warren] did not subscribe to his family’s religion. Even at a young age he was too mathematical, too logical, to make the leap of faith. He adopted his father’s ethical underpinnings, but not his belief in an unseen divinity.”

Anonymous said...

Funny stuff. This is dryer satire than Stephen Colbert. But too rediculous to have that hint of believability. I mean nobody could possibly be against a billionaire giving away their money to do good things in the world like help poverty and illness. And then to use religion to justify it??? I mean no one on the face of the planet could be that cold. Right? Right? Funny Satire though.

Anonymous said...

the author clearly communicates his illiteracy, ignorance, fascist views... nevertheless long live free speech... that's why I love this country

Anonymous said...

are u insane? is my first questions to you.
please do not twist the scripture.
1)jesus asked the rich man to sell all his possessions and come and follow him.
2)when jesus said eye of a needle he meant eye of a needle not gigantic needle.
3)you cannot serve both God and wealth
4)you shall have no idols before me
now you cannot defend your point because you know that you have twisted the bible.

are you insane.why? dont you know what a great punishment will fall on you?
rev last chapter says if anyone says something else which is not in bible God will avenge him.

please get right with God.tomorrow may be too late.

if you know by the way,so many prophets have also spoken,great judgement will come on your country.
please repent asap.
and be holy,without holiness no one shall see the kingdom of God.
all those prosperity doctrine teachers!! you shall all be judged and no one shall save you!!

beware of judgement and turn back to JESUS.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else read these comments and just sit dumb founded? Like WHO are these people? The comments and writings are almost all utterly ridiculous. It kind of reminds me of grade school when kids whine, scream, and shout out their opinions.

Anonymous said...

great article, i like your point of view , even though i dont agree at all. the act of generosity who buffet do is a part of goodness, and i think god will appreciate it.

Shebs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"He purposely made some people live in third world countries, where it is very difficult to get rich, and other people live in the United States, where everyone has the potential to be rich if they work hard or were born into wealthy families." - quote Jon Swift

And if one is good enough, GOD helps you migrate.

And GOD forbid if you help feed a hungry kid or pay for education of a bright mind...!

It is all worked out beautifully, ain't it?

Anonymous said...

Satire or no satire, religion is the opium of the common man and the root cause of more than half the conflicts the world sees today. Free speech? US? Give us a break. Free speech can't come about without free thought. With the absense of a free thinking and unbiased media, free thought is woefully absent. During the invasion of Iraq, the sheep (American public) were afraid of free thinking, preferring to support the government and the fear mongering press over their own better instincts. 2 years later reality dawned and the situation forced them to change. If they can take a lesson from this, it's all for the better. Else - they're nothing more than a large flock of sheep (only less cuddly).
Anyway cheers to Buffett for his free thinking! Love to all...
Matsumoto, Bombay

Phil said...

The olde ten percent tithe works out pretty well for these Bible thumpers if they can get enough little old ladies roused out of their Depends.

Camel or no Camel.

democommie said...

Dear Mr. Swift, Sir:

This is my first visit to your fine KKKristian KKKonservative blogplace (that would be YOUR fault for having a link to this place at "Jesus' General".

I think some of your commenters are nervous nellies. They think GOD will get umbragificacious with Warren B. Nothing could be further(farther? whatever) from the truth. Warren is doing GOD'S work. Every dollar that he shifts to Billzebub Gates for doing satan's work is one dollar more that has to be offset by the righteous fundraising apparatus of Mr. Reverend Robertson, et al. GOD'S just havin' hisself a little fun with his peeps' is all. Why look at how he got Oral Roberts to go all jiggy, back when he said, "Oral, son, GOD gots to have some benjamins; 'less of course you wanna get benched." The man worked miracles--IN JESUS' NAME!!

Yeah, OL' YHWH is just sittin' out on the glider on his paradaisacal porch, sippin' some fine sacremental Pinot Noir, and havin' a time with Moses, Leviticus, Abraham and the rest of the GOP (GOD'S Own Posse) while David (another oneathem "1 Name" artists) plucks a mean harp.

Oh, btw, that bit of scripture? It really said.

"I'd rather stick needles in my eyes (something JESUS would do from time as a party prank, like changing water in to wine or healing lepers, etc.,.) than be caught smokin' a "Camel Frost". Dudes, it's like kissin' Mary Mags. Gimme oneathem straight, high tar Luckies or, better yet, a Fatima."

Those Essenes, what a bunch of kidders!

Aaron Kinney said...

"...is a slap in the face of God."

What's wrong with slapping imaginary things?

Robert said...

What in the ****. I literally laughed out loud.
I can not handle your theory.
It is.. too much.. the opposite of complex for me to grasp.
Jesus would laugh at this reasoning.

Anonymous said...

Jon smith, you are clearly not a minister of the word, cause you have absolutly no idea of what your taking about!! The eye of the needle was refering to a gate at the location where the scripture was writen, it is not a needle that you use to thread clothes, it was reffered to as a needle obviously because of its size! and the part where you talk about the bible being against wealth, the bible said, I wish above all things that you prosper and be in good health and then it turns around and chastise the wealthy! Go back in history and you would see why the bible is writen the way it is, it is the biggest and most popular means of keeping people under mind control hence the reason why the average christian would never pass a certain level of wealth!

Unknown said...

True Americans like Mark Twain questioned God, so why can't you follow a real "American" like Mr. Twain?

Also I've read books like The Secret, Think and grow Rich, Rich Father, Poor Father etc. ALL books basically explaining how to get wealthy like Mr. Buffet And so far 0% said that God was involved in financial success. So please explain how hard work, possitive attitude, and the burning desire for financial success has anything to do with believing in God?

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Anonymous said...


I hope you have dove into scripture since posting this blog five years ago.

Anonymous said...

FYI, Warren Buffet's "giving" is to support his cause of limiting population. Do some digging and you will find out that he has an agenda and that is to lower this world's population, one abortion at a time. He is against God more than you think. He gives most of his earnings to this cause. He is not what people think. Very sneaky, that one. Make no mistake, EVERYTHING is spiritual.

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