Saturday, November 08, 2008

Obama’s Disastrous Gaffe-Laden Press Conference

President-elect Barack Obama’s honeymoon abruptly ended yesterday when he insulted Fox News, Nancy Reagan and dogs at his first post-election press conference. Conservatives, who had generously given Obama the benefit of the doubt in the days after the election, immediately pounced on Obama’s ill-chosen remarks, which threaten to derail his presidency before it even begins.

Conservatives were shocked when Obama snubbed Fox News, the country's only fair and balanced network, by not calling on its reporter during the press conference. “Wisdom and judiciousness were not exactly evident,” scolded RedState, where “wisdom and judiciousness” are dispensed by the bucketful. Apparently, Obama still holds a grudge against the network, and its president Roger Ailes, for reporting that he went to a madrassa as a child, joking about assassinating him, referring to him as a socialist, attacking him for calling his grandmother a “typical white person,” calling his cigarette smoking “"a dirty little secret" and asking its viewers “Would you vote for a smoker?,” mixing him up with black former congressman Harold Ford Jr., making a joke that his name was similar to Osama Bin Laden’s and who knows what other perceived slights. Unfortunately, the Fox reporter was prevented from asking such very important questions as which cabinet post William Ayers will be appointed to and which policies from the Communist Manifesto Obama was planning to implement first.

“This childish obsession over Fox News is really beneath the dignity of the White House,” said Jammie Wearing Fool, who could certainly teach our new President a thing or two about dignity. “George W. Bush has been mercilessly pummelled by most of the media during his term but has never acted so petulantly about any media outlets.” Indeed, can you imagine President Bush petulantly snubbing journalists or news organizations the way Obama did because he is angry at their reporting? Apparently, Obama is already laying the groundwork for his secret plan to repeal the First Amendment.

Ignoring Fox News was bad enough, but then Obama went out of his way to insult Nancy Reagan, accusing her of holding séances in the White House. When he learned that Reagan did not hold séances in the White House but merely consulted with astrologers and arranged the White House schedule based on favorable alignments of the planets, Obama called Reagan to apologize for his tasteless joke. That wasn’t enough for many outraged conservatives who refused to accept his “weak apology.” “He's actually more immature than many of us suspected and feared,” said Dan Riehl, who took the high road, as usual, and made a very funny but mature joke about Obama’s dead grandmother. Stop the ACLU thought Obama’s joke displayed a lack of “professionalism” and called him a “jerk,” as one professional to another.

Obama had apparently mixed up Reagan with Mary Todd Lincoln who did hold séances in the White House, which is just as bad since she was the wife of the beloved first Republican President and unable to defend herself because she is no longer living. Is this the kind of bipartisanship we can expect from President Obama? What deceased wives of Republican Presidents will he insult next? President-elect Obama owes Mrs. Lincoln an apology even if he has to hold a séance to make it properly.

But the worst gaffe Obama made at his disastrous press conference was when he referred to mixed-breed dogs (or “differently bred” dogs, as they prefer to be called) using the dogist term “mutts.” “Mutt” is a deeply offensive word to working-class dogs and their owners. Although Obama tried to recover and hastily added the words, “like me,” the damage was already done. “This guy has a real complex about himself, a megalomania that especially manifests when he speaks of others,” wrote MacRanger at Macsmind, whose biracial friend was "outraged." I imagine we will be hearing a lot from MacRanger's outraged biracial friend in the coming years whenever the issue of race comes up. Jules Crittenden compared Obama’s use of the word “mutt” to the time dog-torturing President Lyndon Johnson showed the press his scar. Paterico was reminded of the time Obama callously insulted pigs. Is no mammal safe from Obama’s sharp tongue?

Differently bred dogs are tired of being subjected to these kinds of cheap cur slurs, just as they resent the snotty attitudes of elitist, pedigreed show dogs who look down on them as canines who bitterly cling to their bones and chew toys. “Mutt,” which some particularly sensitive dog-owners refer to as the “M-word,” is a derogatory term that was first coined in 1906 and is short for “muttonhead,” which means a “stupid person.” It is bad enough when "mutt" is used to refer to a person, but when hurled at a dog, which cannot defend itself, it is an extremely offensive slur. It took years for dog-rights activists to get people to use the term "mongrel," until that term was scrapped in favor of the more politically correct designations “mixed-breed” and “differently bred.” Some progressive groups believe that all breed distinctions should be avoided and are trying to popularize the term "Dog-American" to refer to all dogs, from shih tzus to cockapoos, regardless of breed.

Before Obama used this unfortunate term, Muttgate was already threatening to splinter his fragile coalition and derail the Obama presidency. Obama’s promise to buy his daughters a puppy after the election has cost Obama quite a bit of support. PETA would no doubt prefer that Obama not enslave any animals at all, or at the very least save one from death row. Little girls who wanted their daddies to give them ponies supported Hillary in the primaries and refused to support Obama in the general election when their fathers told them that even Obama’s girls were not getting a pony so they should just shut up about it. Cat lovers, who are mostly independent voters, held out hope until the last minute that Obama would signal that he was going to get his girls a cat. Although many of them ended up voting for Obama, they are sure to have their claws out after his flagrant disregard of felines at the press conference. Meanwhile, the powerful ferret lobby, which single-handedly destroyed the presidential aspirations of Rudy Giuliani (if you don’t count Giuliani himself), was taking a wait-and-see approach to Obama, but they are probably already marshalling their musky, bad-tempered forces after yesterday’s news conference. Obama should be particularly wary of this interest group since ferret owners are notorious for being very sick and angry people.

Worst of all, Obama’s stunning announcement that he was seeking a “hypoallergenic” dog for his daughters finally confirmed the fears of many conservatives, such as Focus on the Family, that Obama is just like Hitler, who also excited crowds and was similarly elevated to power through the democratic process before he became a ruthless dictator. "Hypoallergenic" is, of course, a codeword for dogs that are pure breeds, which are dogs that have been bred according to the very same kind of evil eugenics practiced by the Nazis.

No matter what breed of dog or other pet Obama’s family ends up getting, Obama is sure to disillusion a large part of his constituency and scuttle any chance his administration has of getting anything done. It is a tragedy that a presidency that had so much promise and potential, which patriotic conservatives who love their country really were pulling for, should go down in flames so soon.

Carnivals: Carnival of Cats, Puppy in Training, Carnival of the Liberals, Everything Worth Reading

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driftglass said...

As the world mourns Day -72 of the Failed Obama Administration, thank God someone has the courage to speak out and alert the CHUDS, Morlocks and Mole People about what awful awfulness is going on up here on the surface of the Earth.

Anonymous said...

dude, you are a genius.

Anonymous said...

The US is becoming a mutticultural country.

Dick Durata said...

Can't we look at the glass in a half-full manner? Obama's disastrous press conference was not that of the President, it was by the President-elect, a far lesser position. I know that conservatives are not used to 'out of the box' thinking, but this seems like a great chance to take another look at this whole 'President-elect' business and see if we can't make it more useful.
This is still time to evaluate President-elect Obama, and see if he really is ready to be President. If he isn't, he could be disqualified before taking the helm, and we could look for a better, more reasonable candidate.
This is where blogs could come in handy, our leading blogs, Powerline, Red State, Instapundit, and of course John Swift, might set up a report card, and if the President-elect flunks, he would be disqualified and the search for a more worth person would begin.
Maybe we could have another quick election with just the vice-presidential candidates. That would be fair and reasonable.

J. said...

As both a cat lover and Obama supporter, I admit to being disappointed that the president elect and his family apparently did not even consider adopting a cat. If Barack Obama truly wants his administration to be bipartisan, or at least fair, he and his family should adopt a cat AND a dog. I will leave the ferret to Mr. Giuliani, may he never hold high (or low) office again.

Anonymous said...

I found Mr. Obama's callous usage of polysyllabic words and stubborn refusal to smirk to be elitist and an affront to us regular Joe The Caricatures out here in Real America(TM).

Also, it would have been nice if someone had told me earlier that Party Unity My Ass referred to the GOP, not the Islamocommunofascist Party. All that righteous anger, wasted!

poopsy by the bay said...

You are a very sad lot--don't get your hopes up about that press conference everyone else said he did a wonderful job.

Unknown said...

From what I've read about Mary Todd Lincoln--and granted, they were all brief character analyses of a First Lady long dead--she impressed me as someone whose ghost we'd be better off leaving alone.
In fact, I'd really prefer it if the White House held all seances off-site.

mw said...

"Obama’s stunning announcement that he was seeking a “hypoallergenic” dog for his daughters..."

Can we just get this over with?

He should get them a pitbull and name it "Lipstick".

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad the press didn't ask Mr. Obama about the gender and hue of the preferred First Dog. He might have said something nasty about his wife. It's outrageous!

My beautiful mind simply cannot stand four more years of abuse from this crude gaffe machine!

Anonymous said...

Mutt is the new black.

Slywy said...

Cur. He should have said cur.

And, yes, a cat is in order to represent bipartisanship. If he wants to reach out to the Greens—a goldfish? A bird? A pet rock?

Anonymous said...

You republicans are really sick people! Don't you know that when a person is allergic to animals it means constant sneezing and eyes tearing, especially with cats!!! My daughter loves her cat but she became so allergic to it that just being present in the same room as the cat gives her itchy puffy eyes!

Anonymous said...

I had a great laugh as I read your column. What a great satirical piece. It must be because I can't think someone would actually think this way for real. As far as the pet think, one of the daughters is allergic and having cats myself and many allergic friends, choosing the right pet is most important. Still, it was a fun read.

Bukko Boomeranger said...

Next thing you know, some patriotic right-wing blogger will discover that Obama is giving Richard Gere's gerbil to his daughters!

Can't America just impeach this dangerous, insensitive man now, before he does something impeachable?

Anonymous said...

"What a great satirical piece. It must be because I can't think someone would actually think this way for real."

Hint: Follow the links.

Anonymous said...

"You republicans are really sick people! Don't you know that when a person is allergic to animals it means constant sneezing and eyes tearing, especially with cats!!!"

And there's nothing worse than weeping cats. Those flailing claws just play merry-hell with lenses, retinas, and other sundry parts.

Anonymous said...

My Dear Dr Swift,

I wish to direct you to the blog of one Melanie Phillips:

"Freedom", as Melanie states and as we all know, "Now Stands Alone." Although it is never made clear where "Freedom" actually is.

I'm guessing Georgia. Possibly Alaska. Shangri-La? Unfortunately Melanie gives no clues.

But after 385 exhaustive posts, I believe we have finally arrived at the nub of the issue:

Should the comments box appear at the top or bottom of the blog?

I'm not quite sure where Jesus stands on this critical matter.

Buce said...

Thanks for linking to my Mutt Romney post. For another breath of sanity, go here:

slag said...

You humorless, angry rightists will never be satisfied. Maybe if Obama had offered to give the Faux News reporter a terrorist fist jab, you'd give him another day as President-elect before you found something to whine about. Or if his Baby Mama made you all some tea and cookies?

Seriously though, I'd love to see the pravda network get the cold shoulder over the next 8 years! Personally, I think it was the way they treated Michelle that really pissed Obama off.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.

First, I want to assure you that we are neither smelly, bad-tempered, sick nor angry. Rather, we are clean, friendly and playful, though we do have a propensity for stealing shiny, chewy or smelly objects such as keys, wallets and dirty socks and stashing them under the dresser in the bedroom or the bookcase in the study.

We are friends with cats and dogs, and would welcome any companion animal in the White House. Regardless of our political persuasions, we support our new President-elect Barack Obama, and look forward to four years of freedom, peace and prosperity for all Americans of all species.

Thank you,
The International Ferret Congress

P.S. We DO proudly take responsibility for Rudy Giuliani’s defeat.

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

Dear Mr. Jon Swift:

I a black...

cat, and a "mutt" if you will, and I think you are taking political correctness too far. We don't care what you call us, long as you call us to dinner.

Comrade Kevin said...

Oh God, make the spin stop!

Brian Kern said...

Stunning satire Mr. Swift.

Anonymous said...

I was also shocked that Obama would make such a crack about Nancy, but I think it was all revenge because the California Republicans caught him flying off to Hawaii on the DNC's dime to plant a birth certificate that makes it look like he's American. He didn't have the guts to go after the MEN of the California Republican Party, so he picked on a kindly old lady. How sad.

Alexander Wolfe said...


Thanks so much for nominating us for the Weblog Awards! I will be sure to "+" each of the multiple nominations of your blog in return.

-Three Wise Men

Anonymous said...

Nice post, Jon. We can only hope that the Obama White House continues to treat Fox "News" with all the courtesy and respect that they deserve.


Anonymous said...

Jon, I realize that conservatives such as yourself are far too serious for silly reindeer games like tag... but I've tagged you nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I could have told this was going to happen! But no, you said; he's the real thing you said, and now look where we are. And where's the NAADB on this mutt comment?

Anonymous said...

I imagine we will be hearing a lot from MacRanger's outraged biracial friend in the coming years...

MacRanger's biracial friend is indeed a great asset to the conservative blogosphere. It is a window into the world of the mulatto.

But our greatest resource in these troubling times is undoubtedly MacRanger's black colleague from Norway, Chief Editor Korir.

His latest bombshell threatens to end the Barackupation© before before it even begins!!!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to drop by and publicly thank you for submitting my blog for the 2008 Weblog Award under the Best Small Minor Blog category

ummm...wait...small? minor? What the?

Seriously, thanks! It is much appreciated! It is a great honor to be nominated by such a great blogger as yourself! (wipes brown stuff off nose)

Anonymous said...

Is it any surprise he won't even consider a cat? Not really, especially after seeing how he refuses to consider letting Bush's cabinet members all keep their jobs. So much for post-partisanship. I only wonder how long free-speech like this will allowed to last...

Micgar said...

This post was so funny it should be an impeachable offense!

Chuck Butcher said...

Sadly I can only envy your skill and not even aspire to it. I am relegated to the dustbin of those only striving to make sense rather than remake reality. I abase myself at the feet of the master and swear on the honor of The Fox to never attempt such feats. I, mouse-like will be satisfied to nibble at the corners of the the cheese of reality.

Did I mention, good stuff Jon.

Distributorcap said...

next time can we send you to the press conferences == they would be so much more entertaining

my word verification


Anonymous said...

Loved it. I really needed a laugh today, like really. Thanks, Jon.

Anonymous said...

thank god obama won! god bless you obama!!!

Rob Anderson said...

this is hilarious- post some more

Carl said...

Mr Swift, Sir,

My cat, who by all accounts is a terribly liberal cat, was mortified to learn that the candidate he supported, B. Hussein Obama, was going to adopt a dog.

He threatened to get him unelected, since my cat feels his support got Obama the win.

Now, you might ask why I, a freedom loving white conservative, would allow my cat to oppose my selection in voting.

It's really very simple: I have a black cat, and he threatened to have a few Panthers stationed outside the building on election day to "ensure the sanctity of the voting process".

Needless to say, I spent Election day with the covers pulled tightly over my head in the hopes that they couldn't see me. It must have worked.

Carl said...

Oh, and thank you for nominating my blog, sir.

James Higham said...

Got you in the Conservative section, Jon.

Stella by Starlight said...

OMG, another masterpiece. Off-topic for a moment... can you be a pet lover and still like the Clintons?

Will Obama do a better job after his brandishing from Focus on the Family?

Satire at its finest. Jon, I put your name up for the 2008 Weblog awards. Did I err in putting you in the liberal category?

Anonymous said...

As a former tobacco worker, I am outraged that Fox News would possibly consider Obama smoking as a problem. This is anti-American like the smoking laws that some liberal cities like San Francisco have implemented.

If anything, we should be supporting his habit. It makes him look manly, kind of like a cowboy. And who wouldn't want the cool, clean taste of a Kool.

Don't forget that's fine Virginia tobacco you're enjoying and you put hardworking white Americans out of work when you tax or limit our tobacco industry in anyway. Tobacco has the backbone of our country and kickstarted our economy.

When Obama smokes, it is good for the nation. He should promote this. Also, if it weren't for tobacco farming, most African-Americans would not be in the luxurious position of living in the USA.


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