Glenn Beck Sees the Good Side of the Fires in California

Looking at the pictures on TV of the raging wildfires in California, which have led to the evacuation of 500,000 people and the loss of thousands of homes, it would all be so depressing if this natural disaster were a bad thing. But it turns out that there has been a plus side to the fires. For one thing, many evacuees are enjoying gourmet meals and massages. And as CNN's Glenn Beck pointed out on his radio show, some of the victims of the fires actually got what was coming to them. "I think there is a handful of people who hate America," Beck said. "Unfortunately for them, a lot of them are losing their homes in a forest fire today." So while the wildfires raging near San Diego and Los Angeles might seem like an unmitigated disaster on first glance, they actually aren't all bad.

Of course, Beck was not saying that all of the people who lost their homes in the fires hate America. Only some of them. As Jammie Wearing Fool points out (linked with approval by Glenn Reynolds), "It's Beck's opinion that some who hate America live in that area. Is this even debatable?" Of course not. The rest of the people who lost their homes are what we might call collateral damage. Fire is a very imprecise method of punishing our enemies but a very effective one. Although Beck didn't mention the people who don't hate America who lost their homes, I'm sure he feels bad for them and wishes there were another way of giving the people who do hate America what they deserve.

Beck probably didn't mention all the non-America-haters who lost their homes in California because he doesn't like to dwell on the negative. He sees a raging wildfire as a glass half full instead of a glass half empty (although I am sure there are some former homeowners who wish that glass had been all the way full so that they could have thrown it on the fire.) In fact, Beck's observation came in the context of an uplifting colloquy about America coming together. "We're all one America," he said, with the exception, of course, of those now homeless America haters. "Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean you hate America, and I love America. We all love America. We just disagree on how we should function." Even Democrats love America, Beck said, peering through his rose-colored glasses. Unfortunately, there are some people who want to divide America, but if we could all come together and burn down the houses of those who really do hate America, think of how great this country could be.

There are some who might say that Beck is too optimistic, that his vision of America is too Utopian. Although many conservatives are opposed to Islam, Beck has said, "I know Muslims. I like Muslims." He even gave the first Muslim congressman, Keith Ellison a chance to show that he wasn't a traitor on his program, saying to Ellison, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies." I'm sure that Ellison was very grateful for the opportunity to show why his house should not be burned down.

This is not the first time Beck has talked about all the good that forest fires do. In July when forest fires raged in Utah, Beck wondered why liberals, who think Charles Darwin is so great, wanted to put the fires out. "While liberals embrace Darwinism, they reject it every step of the way, because they'll take impractical applications, they will put out every forest fire from lightning strikes," he said. "I'll meet you halfway. Let's put out the forest fires that man causes. If I'm -- if I'm there on a campfire and we forget to put it out, well, let's go fight that one. Lightning strike, hmm, we let it burn."

Seeing fires as bad, Glenn "Burn, Baby, Burn" Beck, believes, is just a matter of interpretation. "The only way anything bad ever happens to you is that you've interpreted it as bad," he went on to say. "Look for something positive, not negative. And at [sic] you decide to just build on negative, well, then that's your choice, and you've chosen to destroy yourself, and that's your choice."

Fires are not the only kind of natural disaster where the almost Pollyannaish Beck has emphasized the positive. When Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, he pointed out that the people who stayed behind were actually "scumbags" who basically got what they deserved so we don't really need to feel sorry for them. Of course, some of the people who lost their homes were not scumbags, but focusing on their tragedy would be too much of a downer for Beck. It would be like talking about all the people who died in Iraq instead of focusing on all the good news, like the fact that Iraq might have electricity by the year 2013. I must admit that Beck does make me feel a lot better about what happened to New Orleans.

While a lot of conservatives see immigration as a big problem, Beck does not just complain about it. Instead, he has sought out the kind of solutions that can turn a negative into a positive. "The country needs cheap, alternative fuel source," he said on his radio show. "Two, the human body is 18 percent carbon. Three, carbons can be turned into hydrocarbons. Four, we have a buttload of illegal aliens in our country." The solution: turn the bodies of illegal aliens into a fuel called Mexinol. Of course, Beck was only joking, but I think his little joke gives you a good idea of the kind of mind he has, the kind of mind that sees every problem as a means to a solution.

There are some tragic events where Beck is not able to see the good side until some time later. "It took me about a year to start hating the 9-11 victims' families," he said. I'm sure it was a difficult year for Beck as he desperately grasped for anything positive to say about September 11. I'm sure he looked at the footage of the World Trade Center towers coming down every day for a year and thought, Where's the good angle on this? Imagine the relief he must have felt when he realized that some obnoxious people actually deserved to lose their loved ones on that day. Suddenly, 9/11 didn't seem so bad after all.

There is so much negativity in politics these days that it is refreshing to have someone like Beck to show us the silver lining in every cloud. I'm glad that CNN, which always seems to focus on the bad news, has given Beck a relentlessly upbeat daily platform to show the other side. A day without Beck would be like a day without sunshine.

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God Takes Mr. Wizard: No Scientific Explanation Needed

God took Mr. Wizard this week. Scientists will tell you he died "after a long battle with multiple myeloma," whatever that is. But the only explanation you really need is that God decided it was time.

Don Herbert, who used science to try to "explain" the universe to millions of young people on television as "Mr. Wizard," was by all accounts a kind and genial man. But his gentle disposition masked a sinister and devious plan: To turn the young people of America away from God.

"Over the years, Don has been personally responsible for more people going into the sciences than any other single person in this country," George Tressel, a National Science Foundation official, is quoted as saying in an obituary.

It must have been a different world back in 1951 when his first show premiered. Can you imagine good Christian parents today allowing their children to be taught by someone who calls himself a "wizard" and tries to seduce children with the "magic" and "mystery" of science? Parents have enough problems these days trying to pry copies of the anti-Christian Harry Potter books out of their children's little hands. Yet this man was able to go on television every week and tell children there were easy "scientific" explanations for God's creation and that they should rely on their brains instead of the Bible.

"He really taught kids how to use the thinking skills of a scientist," said Steve Jacobs, who worked with Herbert on a 1980s Nickelodeon revival of the show, which brainwashed another generation of innocent children.

The new Creation Museum, which opened May 28 in Lexington, Kentucky, is just one effort to reverse all the damage that Mr. Wizard has done. As you enter the museum, according to one visitor, there is a poster on the wall that explains the difference between how secular humanists and scientists view the world and how the world really is. On one side we see the words of a philosopher with the very effeminate name of Rene Descartes, who is, not surprisingly, French, over a picture of an ugly, unwieldy stack of moldering books: "I think, therefore I am." The caption reads, "Human Reason." In contrast, on the other side over the caption "God's Word," we see a pristine white scroll and the words "God said: "I am that I am."

As parents and their children stroll through the 60,000 sq. ft. museum, designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, they can see the terrible cost wrought by Mr. Wizard and other advocates of human reason: nuclear war, drug addiction, gay marriage, abortion, evolution taught in the schools, school shootings, graffiti, and carnivorous wolves. Before Eve gave Adam a bite of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, they lived peaceably with all of the animals, including dinosaurs. Tyrannosaurus Rexes munched contentedly on grass and leaves, while children played with their pet velociraptors. One bite of the apple sent these loving dinosaurs into a murderous rage.

And so how could parents sit idly by as week after week Mr. Wizard went on television to distribute poison apples from the Tree of Knowledge to innocent baby boomer children? Sadly, no one apparently realized at the time that his actions would unleash the turmoil of the 1960s.

In another diorama in the Creation Museum a white paleontologist consults a Bible to learn all he needs to know about the bones of a dinosaur, while a Godless Asian paleontologist strains to think about the origins of the fossil he is looking at using scientific instruments. Considering how many Asians there are in the world and how well they do in school, it is a warning about what the future may bring if we are not vigilant.

But there is some hope. Despite all of the young minds Mr. Wizard warped with his scientific experiments using mayonnaise jars and other simple items you can find around the house, many of his viewers have already rejected his blasphemous teachings. A recent poll shows that 68% of Republicans do not believe in Evolution and only 57% of Democrats do. So the forces against human reason are making headway, especially in the Republican party.

Conservatives, of course, are leading the charge against the ravages of thinking too much and there is perhaps no greater opponent of reason and thought than the National Review's Jonah Goldberg. He has an ingenious idea for reversing the damage that education is doing to our children: Close all public schools. "Here’s a good question for you: Why have public schools at all?" he writes. "OK, cue the marching music. We need public schools because blah blah blah and yada yada yada. We could say blah is common culture and yada is the government’s interest in promoting the general welfare. Or that children are the future. And a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Because we can’t leave any child behind. The problem with all these bromides is that they leave out the simple fact that one of the surest ways to leave a kid "behind" is to hand him over to the government. Americans want universal education, just as they want universally safe food. But nobody believes that the government should run 90% of the restaurants, farms and supermarkets. Why should it run 90% of the schools — particularly when it gets terrible results?" It certainly wasn't school that helped Goldberg become one of conservatism's leading lights.

The liberal elites will still send their kids to private schools but many more children will be educated in parochial schools, where they will spend as much time learning about the Bible as Muslim kids spend learning about the Quran in madrassas. Still more children will be home-schooled by parents who will teach them only the important things they haven't forgotten yet. And some parents will not have the money or time to educate their children at all, which is at least better than the alternative. This plan would also have the effect of emptying our universities, giving the Marxist professors that dominate them fewer young minds to pervert. And closing public schools will go a long way to erasing the advantages our enemies in the Middle East have from educating so few of their kids.

Of course, it's sad when anyone dies, even someone as misguided as Mr. Wizard. He probably didn't realize that his little television program would lead to so much destruction in the second half of the 20th century. And in a way his death was probably a blessing because the future does not look too bright for people like him who believe in reason and science. In the end science couldn't save Mr. Wizard. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

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Conservapedia

For years homeschooled children have had to rely for all of their information on Wikipedia, which is full of dangerous ideas that homeschooling was supposed to prevent from seeping into the home. Now, finally, there is an alternative, which doesn't have any controversial ideas at all: Conservapedia. Conservapedia is based on good Christian values, unlike Wikipedia, which I gather from the name, is based on Wiccan. In Wikipedia, according to the founders of Conservapedia, "Christianity receives no credit for the great advances and discoveries it inspired, such as those of the Renaissance." But Conservapedia gives Christianity its due for being so supportive of the work of Galileo and Copernicus.

"The administrators who monitor and control the content on Wikipedia do not represent the views of the majority of Americans." reads Conservapedia's entry on Wikipedia (helpfully redirected from Wackypedia in case you mistype). "For example, only 10% of Americans accept evolution as it is taught in public school, yet virtually 100% of Wikipedia administrators accept it and will quickly censor factual material contrary to evolution." The biases in Wikipedia that Conservapedia corrects are all outlined in an article called "Examples of Bias in Wickipedia."

"Wikipedia allows the use of B.C.E. instead of B.C. and C.E. instead of A.D. The dates are based on the birth of Jesus, so why pretend otherwise? Conservapedia is Christian-friendly and exposes the CE deception" is the Number 1 Example of Wikipedia bias. Example 5 points out "Wikipedia often uses foreign spelling of words, even though most English speaking users are American." On Conservapedia less acceptable English spellings of English words are banned in favor of proper American spellings. "Gossip is pervasive on Wikipedia," reads Example 8. "Many entries read like the National Enquirer. For example, Wikipedia's entry on Nina Totenberg states, 'She married H. David Reines, a trauma physician, in 2000. On their honeymoon, he treated her for severe injuries after she was hit by a boat propeller while swimming.' That sounds just like the National Enquirer, and reflects a bias towards gossip. Conservapedia avoids gossip and vulgarity, just as a true encyclopedia does." In fact, one of the reasons I stopped reading the National Enquirer is because I was tired of all the stories about Nina Totenberg's affairs and her latest stints in rehab. Conservapedia doesn't even have an entry on Nina Totenberg, much to my relief.

Another example of Wikipedia bias that Conservapedia cites is its unfair attack on the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, which must be particularly upsetting to Conservapedia's founder. Started in November 2006 "as the class project for a World History class of 58 advanced homeschooled and college-bound students meeting in New Jersey" Conservapedia was founded by its most prolific writer Andrew Schlafly, the non-gay son of Phyllis Schlafly, who just happens to be the legal counsel for the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons. Schlafly is an outspoken critic of vaccines (which as someone who hates needles I fully support), has warned that abortion causes breast cancer, filed briefs on behalf of Terry Schiavo and revealed that junk science claiming a link between asbestos and cancer is what led to the World Trade Center's collapse.

I am astonished by all of the things I have learned already from Conservapedia. For example, I was unaware of something called the Law of Mass Conversation: "Matter cannot be created or destroyed, it can only change form." Now that I think about it, I have observed that often when you're in a conversation with a large group of people you sometimes think you have let a matter drop, but you end up rehashing the same topic over again in a different form. This happens a lot on the Internet, too. But I had no idea someone had written a law about it.

But that's just one of the many fascinating, unbiased facts I learned. After spending the day hitting the random search button I felt like a Renaissance man, the good Christian kind. Of course, since anyone can edit the Conservapedia, the entries are constantly changing, so the links go to the last version I saw. Feel free to register and add your own insights, although it would be difficult to improve on some of these entries:

Kangaroo: "Like all modern animals, modern kangaroos originated in the Middle East and are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood." (I'm sure skippy will be very interested to learn this.)

Theory of Relativity: "Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity.…'All things are relative' became popular as atheists and others used relativity to attack Christian values. There remains enormous political support for the theory of relativity that has nothing to do with physics, and Congress continues to spend billions of dollars unsuccessfully searching for particles predicted by the theory of relativity."

Gospels: "The greatest writing in the history of the world is the Gospel of John....This single book has done more to shape human thought and behavior than any other work. Our uniquely American First Amendment right of free speech is based on ministers preaching of the 'Word' of God as described in the first few verses of the Gospel of John."

George Washington: "Washington is perhaps the person other than Jesus who declined enormous worldly power, in Washington's case by voluntarily stepping aside as the ruler of a prosperous nation."

Scopes Trial: "Hollywood has little regard for the truth. Its movie version Inherit the Wind changed everyone's name, thereby preventing libel suits, and changed the facts in order to ridicule religious belief. Thanks to Bryan's victory in the Scopes trial, Tennessee voters have been educated without oppressive evolution theory for 75 years. Free from the liberal indoctrination, Tennessee voted against native son Al Gore in the 2000 Presidential election - probably the only time a candidate has lost the Presidency due to losing his home state. If Tennessee had a high level of belief in evolution comparable to that of East Germany, then you can bet Gore would have won his state and the Presidency."

The Da Vinci Code: "Dan Brown is responsible for feeding millions of readers a pack of lies cleverly wrapped up as a historically accurate novel."

Holocaust: "The Holocaust was the massacring of the Jewish race during World War II. The Germans are not to blame for this but the Nazi are. Besides 6 million Jews dying, 3 million Christians were killed also along with many priests and nuns. This is a very touchy subject for the Jews and is not often discussed amongst them."

Communism: "Communists believe that if they share everything, no one will ever have to work."

Most of the articles in Conservapedia are scrupulously sourced. For example, the entry on Isaac Newton -- "Sir Isaac Newton was one of the inventors of calculus and the propsed [sic-whoops!] the theory of gravity (It should be noted that gravity, like evolution, is just a theory and has never been proven to be true). He was a Devout Christian whose discoveries were inspired by God." -- refers you to the Bible Code Digest, which proves that Newton was a devout Christian. Virtually all of the science entries cite books by Dr. Jay L. Wile, the respected author of homeschool textbooks.

Unlike Wikipedia, which is full of too much information that can easily confuse people, most of the entries in Conservapedia are refreshingly brief, giving us just the facts we need to know: "Sufi: Sulfism [sic]; the tradition of Islam containing the beliefs dedicated to Allah." Concise, accurate, to the point. Who said encyclopedic necessarily means "comprehensive," I mean, besides Webster's dictionary, with its well-known liberal bias.

But Conservapedia is not just a dry, factual compendium of articles. In addition to scholarly encyclopedia entries, the Conservapedia contains "Debate Topics" which pose a number of provocative questions: "Crusades... Good or Bad?" "Did Jefferson Copy the Declaration of Independence?" "Is it even possible to install democracy in a Muslim country?" and "Was it wrong for him to allow the attack in order to wake up the American public and motivate Americans to fight and win the war?" which refers to Franklin Roosevelt and Pearl Harbor. This last topic has led to quite a debate between some frequent contributors and Andrew Schlafly, who not only believes that Roosevelt knew about Pearl Harbor in advance, buts thinks it was a good thing he let it happen.

Unfortunately, Conservapedia doesn't have an entry yet for Franklin Roosevelt or for other minor Presidents like John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Harry Truman or Theodore Roosevelt, although it does have very illuminating yet succinct entries for Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce and William Henry Harrison. But the encyclopedia is still growing and with your help its 3000 or so articles based on incontrovertible conservative facts will soon approach Wikipedia's 1.5 million entries filled with liberal lies. However, there is one disturbing lack that both encyclopedias share: Neither of them has an entry about this modest blog.

Crossposted at Shakespeare's Sister

Update: Someone has finally corrected one of Conservapedia's most egregious inadequacies and added an entry for this modest blog: "Jon Swift is 'a reasonable conservative who likes to write about politics and culture.' He maintains a modest log on the internet ('weblog,' or 'blog') that is entirely factual, rational, and most importantly, conservative. Jon Swift is not funny and has no monkeys in his family tree." Here is a screenshot (click on it for a closer look):


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