Swift Reads 4: Weblog Awards Discoveries

Some, like Pia Zadora and Milli Vanilli, achieve recognition in their lifetimes, while others, like President Bush and, apparently, this modest blogger, will only be judged by history when "we'll all be dead." But as I come to terms with the likelihood of being a three-time Weblog Award loser, I prefer to think of the positive aspects of this emotionally wrenching experience: the new readers who graced my blog with their presence and the new blogs I discovered.

Although I am grateful for every one of the new readers who visited this blog in the last week, I am especially surprised and delighted with one new reader in particular who finally decided to drop in. For years she adamantly refused to read my blog or even mention my pseudonym even as she said the most scurrilous things about me. I'm not sure why she resisted coming here for so long unless it was because she was afraid that my writing was so persuasive and reasonable it would shake the very foundations of her carefully constructed world view and set off a dangerous logic loop in her brain that would cause it to short circuit. For many years she remained steadfast in her refusal to let one word of my prose sully the purity of her thoughts. But perhaps the evenings in Madison, Wisconsin, are particularly cold and lonely this time of year and perhaps she had had one too many glasses of wine by 5:30 p.m. on January 8, 2009. And so that evening, as a bitter wind howled outside her window, she checked her Sitemeter to see how many visitors Instapundit had sent her that day and saw yet another link from my site, just sitting there enticingly, beckoning, whispering, "Click me. Click me." Imagine the inner turmoil she experienced as she tried with all her might to resist clicking on the link. Must. Not. Read. Jon. Swift. Then her will power failed her and she could no longer resist, and throwing all caution to the wind, she finally succumbed and clicked that fateful link that whisked her away to my blog. And soon she was reading, feeling that first rush as my prose entered her veins. Who knew it could be so good, she said to herself as one by one the words swept away the cobwebs and the dust in the attic of her cranium, cluttered with crazy theories about breast-bearing feminists, the plots of unfinished books that bored her, deep insights into American Idol episodes and even that dark corner where Bill Clinton waits, crouched lasciviously, ready to betray her all over again. And imagine that moment when her giddy anticipation was finally fulfilled and she came to the first mention of her name, right there, right there in black and light brown, her name in all its glory!: Ann Althouse. So welcome to my modest blog, Ms. Althouse. I wish you had told me you were coming and I would have tidied up the place a bit. I hope you finally found what you were looking for.

But while it was exciting to have Ms. Althouse finally drop by after so many years, it was even more thrilling to discover so many wonderful blogs I had never read before that were nominated for Weblog Awards. And so I thought I would share some of my discoveries with you. Please go and check them out. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

NuVision for a New Day
The diary of a lovely blind African-American woman who sees things others don't see. In this post she talks about being flirted with at a friend's birthday party and confesses, "I can be a little shallow at times when it comes to looks." By the way, are we still allowed to use the word "blind"?

Grace the Spot
A very witty blog that was an unfortunate casualty of the Wonkette juggernaut. Here she talks about the importance of being boring in a relationship. I'm beginning to suspect, however, I may have been mistaken about its being a Lebanese blog.

Army of Dude
A military blog by an Iraq veteran. In a recent five-part series, he tries to describe to those who haven't been there what it's like to hear, see, smell, touch and taste combat in Iraq.

F--- You, Penguin
Who knew that existential despair could be so irresistibly, so heart-breakingly cute?

Curious Expedition
A beautifully designed travelogue that describes such wonders as the remarkably bear-free forests of Carpathia and other places you are glad you've never been to.

Medium Large
The blog of a comic strip artist, who in the helpful animation in this post, explains "What Is Comedy?"

Ashin Mettacara
This Burmese blog has a lot of posts about people being sentenced to long prison terms there. Apparently, they are very tough on crime in Burma.

Blabbeando
I owe a big thanks to this blog, which provided me with the very useful information that plucking your eyebrows is a sign of homosexual tendencies, which has saved me from some possibly embarrassing misunderstandings.

Buckdog
Reading this Canadian blog I learned about subtle racist backlashes in Saskatchewan and that Canada actually has its own unique culture, something I was not aware of before.

Foodie at Fifteen (Now 16)
A food blog by a high school student who really should be spending less time in the kitchen fantasizing about pork bellies and more time playing video games like others his age.

Dr. Wizard's Advice for College Students
This blog explains the world in ways even a student on a rugby scholarship can understand. Here, for example, we learn why drugs are bad through illustrative metaphors.

Madam Miaow says…
Although this is a culture blog with a decidedly left-wing slant, the writer is from "across the pond," as she charmingly puts it, where they don't have as much access to fair and balanced media as we do, and she's not afraid to take on her fellow lefties on occasion.

And if that is not enough reading for you, then check out some of the other worthy blogs that were also nominated for Best Humor Blog (i am bossy, The Bloggess, YesButNoButYes, IMAO, Mattress Police, Mother May I Sleep With Treacher, The Comics Curmudgeon, My Mom is a Fob, and Boobs, Injuries and Dr Pepper), even though some of them could not resist dragging my pseudonym through the mud in their desperation to win. I forgive you all. And I even forgive you, Comics Curmudgeon, despite the fact that you took away my dream and crumpled it up like that piece of looseleaf notebook paper with the love poem to the cheerleader written on it, laughing tauntingly as you swept the long blonde hair from your face and tossed the wad of paper disgustedly into the garbage can.

Update: A coalition of two conservative blogs, who have apparently forgotten Ronald Reagan's Eleventh Commandment, is trying to wrest second place from me armed with an endorsement from The Corner. Don't let that happen. Show them that we conservatives have learned that negative campaigning doesn't work anymore. Vote for Jon Swift here.

Update 2: Ann Althouse responds by email, "That post was awfully needy. Not that I read more than the parts right around my name," and later taunts me on her site: "No wonder he's losing the Weblog Awards voting. Man up, Swift, you pussy."

Update 3: As voting winds to a close I try to impart some valuable lessons to my fellow conservatives: "If we learned anything from the last two elections, it’s that negative campaigning doesn’t work anymore. Conservatives need to come up with a positive vision for the future if we are going to win again, which is what I have tried to do. I think the voters see that my blog is about change and the future and not about just tearing my opponents down and that is why I appear to be trouncing you."

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Swift Reads 3

Stephen Herron at Drinking Liberally in New Milford reminds us that February 3 is the first anniversary of Blogroll Amnesty Day, which was once one of the darkest days in the blogosphere, but has now been turned into a celebration of the power of smaller blogs. If you are celebrating this day on your blog, send us a link and we'll post it here and send it out to other blogs who are writing about it. Blue Gal, Barefoot Bum, Mike the Mad Biologist, The S.N.A.F.U. Principle and House of the Rising Sons are just a few of the many blogs that plan to celebrate the weekend of February 1 to 3. And skippy and Pharyngula remind us that some blogs, including this one, celebrate Blogroll Amnesty Day all year round. Blogroll us and we'll blogroll you.

Speaking of smaller blogs, Blogpower members, inspired by my end-of-the-year post, have posted their own round-up of the "Best Posts of 2007 by Blogpower Members - Self Chosen." Take a look. There is some great reading here.

Kathleen Maher's Diary of a Heretic has been named a semi-finalist in Amazon's "Breakthrough Novel Award." Go here to read an excerpt and write a mini-review to help her become a finalist

Jvoices reports that Yeshivah of Flatbush High School's Class of 1997 thoughtfully spared its gay alumni from having to endure uncomfortable stares and awkward silences by telling them to leave their partners at home if they planned to attend the class reunion.

David Drayen of the Right's Field relates how Fred Thompson charmed some South Carolina voters by asking them to change the TV channel to some Law & Order reruns so he didn't have to listen to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke bore everyone by talking about the economy.

Is T.S. Eliot our greatest living poet? Judging by his poems "The Love Song of J Edgar Goldstein" and "LOLcat Wasteland," I would say so.

Betsy's Page points out that Barack Obama doesn't even seem to know how to give a smarmy, self-serving answer to a standard interview question that any recent college graduate could ace in an interview. And he wants to be President?

Phillybits wonders why the folks at Red State have turned into a bunch of Welfare Queens. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

Blue Crab Boulevard has discovered a new and innovative kind of Spam. What will they think of next?

Inverse Square takes a look at the cold equations of war.

Newcritics celebrates its first anniversary this month. Among some of its recent offerings: Lance Mannion on The Wire, The Self-Styled Siren on Something To Sing About, M.A. Peel on The Homecoming, and Jennifer Krentz's weekly live-blogging of Project Runway.

Of course, I hope you're checking out all the fine people who have the good taste to advertise on the sidebar of this modest blog, but I would especially like to draw your attention to the ad for the Sidney Hillman Foundation, which is accepting nominations for blogs that promote social and economic justice until January 31, 2008. I'm sure you can think of some deserving candidates.

And here are a few blogs we recently added to the blogroll. Check them out. Beware the Man, cheflovesbeer, Comment Trawl, DeRosaWorld, The Leftist Right, PhysioProf, Powerpop, Prairie Weather, Red Leeroy, The Return to History, Roxie's World, The SideTrack, 13 Martyrs, timna, and To the Audient Void.

Swift Reads 2

It seems that I can never do enough for the blogosphere. Like a hungry child, it just wants more and more. But if I can feed it and stop its incessant yammering while doing as little writing of my own as possible, I am happy to oblige. So while I diligently study the New Hampshire Primary tea leaves in order to bring you the kind of insight and analysis this blog is renowned for, let me present you with the second edition of "Swift Reads" to tide you over until I am ready to release my findings to the public.

My end-of-the-year post proved to be quite an inspiration to some bloggers, such as the Bilerico Project and third-tier stock market blogger Dinosaur Trader, who asked their friends to submit links to their best posts of the year. The more, the merrier, I say.

The Progressive Carnival is inviting bloggers to submit five posts to be posted on five different blogs. This five-course dinner begins with hors d'oeuvres & cocktails and ends with desert, but unfortunately due to a lack of foresight on the part of the hosts, no facilities have been provided for binge-and-purgers, who will have to find a vomitorium elsewhere on the Internet, which shouldn't be too difficult.

The Group News Blog has assembled a remarkable collection of Steve Gilliard's best writing, reminding us why we miss him so much despite his misguided politics.

Mole333 at Culture Kitchen informs us that scientists have made a remarkable discovery that may have important ramifications for the nation's fraternities: drinking to excess makes fruit flies gay.

Walter Isaac at JVoices introduces us to some people who believe that the trouble with illegal immigrants is that they have all of their limbs.

Chris Achorn of My Two Sense is not a big fan of Glenn Bleck, but he thinks "no one should have to suffer through what Glenn Beck has apparently suffered through for the past few days." I think this is the kind of reaching across the political divide that Barack Obama is talking about.

Speaking of Obama, Archpundit has come to the conclusion that he was wrong and Obama was right.

Vince Leibowitz at Capitol Annex reports that Dennis Kucinich is being kept off the Texas ballot because he refuses to sign a loyalty oath.

Kevin Hayden of American Street has compiled a list of the Top 100 Liberal and Reasonable Conservative Blogs. Take a look at who comes in at Number 98.

Russell Seitz at Adamant has put together a timeline of the entire history of mankind from the moment of creation 6,000 years ago to five years from now. Quite an undertaking.

g4rg4ntu4 at the cryptically and somewhat annoyingly named blog Th3 1nscr1pt10n s3t up0n th3 gr34t g4t3 0f Th3l3m3 has a video of the scariest, saddest song you will ever hear.

Of course, I don't approve of any bombs that are not being dropped on our enemies and those civilians who are unlucky enough to get in the way, so I pass along this Googlebomb without any endorsement whatsoever on my part.

And finally, here are some of the blogs I added to my blogroll recently: Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy, Adamant, Ali Gator, Barking Rabbits, Cinema Styles, distributorcap NY, Flatland Almanack, Further Recipience, House of the Setting Suns, Idle Musings, Jane Futzinfarb, Life Abundantly, My Apologies, Pixelisation, Precious Cargo, Prepare Yourselves for a Settlement, The Synchronicity of Fish, Unruly Duckling, Unsane and Safe, Veritosity, Watergate Summer, Wendelicious, Wills Perspective, The Woodshed, ywut. Getting on my blogroll is even easier than getting an Op-Ed column in the New York Times. Check out my extremely reasonable Blogrolling Policy in the sidebar to see how you can join this esteemed though not terribly exclusive club.

Swift Reads

Perhaps it's because of the Christmas season, but I'm feeling unusually generous these days and I have decided to give something back to the blogosphere by inaugurating a new semi-regular feature, "Swift Reads," in which I link to some worthy and interesting blog posts. Of course, a link here does not imply any endorsement of the ideas expressed in these posts and, in fact, there is a good chance I may not have actually read them at all.

I would also like to announce that sometime around the first of the new year I will be doing a round-up of what bloggers think are their best posts of 2007. The only requirement is that your blog be on my blogroll, which is not quite so onerous as it sounds since per my policy I will blogroll anyone who blogrolls me, "with the exception of spam or porn blogs or anything else your mother would be embarrassed to read." So if you are on my blogroll, or would like to be, or you have a note from a medical doctor explaining why you cannot blogroll me but would like to participate anyway, please email me at modestjonswift@gmail.com with a link and perhaps a brief description of what you think is your best post of 2007, and I will post them in the year-end round-up. And if any of my non-blogging commenters have a favorite post on someone else's blog they think is worthy of mention you can email me, too.

And now without further ado, here is the inaugural edition of Swift Reads:

Jill at Brilliant for Breakfast is just a little annoyed at all the whiny brats who blame the Baby Boomers for their pathetic little lives. Personally, I think Russell Coffey, Harry Richard Landis, John Babcock and Frank Woodruff Buckles, the last surviving American World War I veterans, have a lot to answer for.

skippy the bush kangaroo has been writing about the writer's strike and getting paid exactly the same rate the studios are hoping to pay the writers.

Zenyenta wonders if illegal immigrants are making us fat.

M. LeBlanc at Bitch PhD asks, "Do these genes make me look fat and gay?" I think the correct answer is, "Of course not."

Jason Chervokas at Newcritics reviews the film I'm Not There and makes the startling claim that it's actually about Bob Dylan, which is a very interesting theory and changes the whole movie if you think about it that way. Here is a video of the real Bob Dylan, who, as you can see, looks nothing like Cate Blanchett.

Keith at Lighthouse Patriot Journal reveals that the endangered Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus, which I first learned about from Conservapedia, is actually a hoax! He also includes links to a number of sites he claims are also hoaxes, such as the Bonsai Kitten site, which might explain why my order hasn't arrived yet.

Lisa Simeone is trying to be team player at the new group blog Cogitamus, but she has issues with the way some people utilize English and she's decided to be pro-active about it. Is this a very real situation or is she being judgmental?

Robert Stein at Connecting.the.Dots subjects Nancy Pelosi to a 30-year-old psychology experiment.

T. Rex at his new digs at I Am TRex shows how Oprah's mobilization of millions of her fans to register and vote for Barack Obama will only hurt Obama's chances for the presidency.

Progressive on the Prairie has the results of a National Book Critics Circle survey. Among its findings: A shocking 76.5% of critics say you actually have to read the whole book to review it. The other 23.5% have better things to do.

Scott Eric Kaufman of Acephalous narrates the soon-to-be-classic Christmas tale "It's a Wonderful, Horrible Life."

Tom at Automatic Preference points out that Jerome Armstrong at MyDD has instituted a "zero tolerance for accusations of racism" policy. This policy has been in effect on many conservative blogs for years. Update: Tom says in the comments that Francis L. Holland has more.

Pierre Tristam at Candide's Notebooks answers the question "Are you a phony liberal?"

Attaturk at Rising Hegemon predicts Jim Glassman, who has made some remarkable predictions of his own, will do a heckuva job promoting the U.S. image abroad.

Streak's Blog discusses the "Liberal Dilemma."

Paul Levinson's avatar will be reading from his new novel, the sequel to The Plot To Save Socrates in Second Life this Sunday, December 16, 2007, at 12 p.m. Pacific Time. Maybe I'll have my avatar write a book someday.

This week I added some new sites to my esteemed blogroll, including, Billy Jack, Chez Boyer Cogitamus, Blue Girl, Red State, I Am TRex, The Impolitic, The Issue - The Blog Newspaper, Jim Swift (no relation), Last One Speaks, Lost on Twin Earth, LOLState - The O-Fishal Meme, Political Humor at About.com, Rainy Day Dreams, Rightwingsnarkle, Unsportsmanlike Comment, and Wil's Page. Please go check them out.

Finally, since it is the Christmas season I hope you will consider helping out some needy bloggers, such as Gary Farber at Amygdala, who is having health problems, and Leonard Pierce at Sadly, No!, who desperately wants to go to CPAC next year, which I hope will be an eye-opening experience for him. And thanks to those who have made generous gifts to this modest blogger. Because of your efforts Mrs. Swift may be able to take a day off from her three jobs and make us Christmas dinner this year. I may even pitch in and do the dishes.